On Being Collected.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Low entropy love
A sleek
Manageable design
Assembled with pin straight lines and smooth surfaces

Things are put together so well here
Seventy-five thousand six hundred four interlocking pieces,
set together without adhesive or joints, probably impenetrable--

Honestly, I wouldn't know
My love comes on like a broken spyrograph


I haven't written in forever, but I really like this one. Let me know what you think, good or bad, and if anyone does physics/construction, tell me if my references/ideas are off, ya?

[FlowerGirl]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Seventy-five thousand six hundred four interlocking pieces,
set together without adhesive or joints, probably impenetrable--

Honestly, I wouldn't know
My love comes on like a broken spyrograph

This is my favourite bit.

Oscar Wilde said "All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling." - I think you did more than just express your own, realistic feelings. As a stranger, you moved me with words through some very thought-provoking imageries.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Thanks. I appreciate your commentary.

[Apathy's_Child]

You have a style and can build an image. I just [blah blah insert usual]

[Underwater Ophelia]

Thanks. Hahaha.

[gothicusmaximus]

I think the first stanza is boring and, in fact, totally unnecessary. The rest is aight, with the possible exception of 'set together without adhesives or joints', as set together is just redundant with 'put together', and 'without adhesive or joints' just strikes me, as a reader, to be uneconomical and tedious. Maybe try defining the connection positively, rather than negatively, to force a more creative description.
Hey, I just covered the objectionable parts discussed above with my hand, and I loved it.