Auto-fellatio - Page 3

WolfMoon · 05-26-2004, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loy

I saw this thread and thought of this routine Bill Hicks did once. He asked the audience if there were any women who "did not like giving blowjobs", and recaounted an earlier experience when he asked the same question.

"This one lady screamed back 'have you ever tried it'?

I said 'yeah....almost broke my back'

And now I'm seeing guys curling into their arms telling their dates 'honey, I have no idea what he's talking about', but guys...you know what I'm talking about. And let's be blunt here, ladies, if guys could blow themselves, you'd be sitting here alone right now....watching an empty stage."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And did I mention,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA?

Bodnoirbabe · 05-26-2004, 01:49 PM

Well. i would say definitly not on this one. I would probably not get the hang of it and end up even more sexually frustrated then i am now for not knowing how to masturbate. yes, i said it. I don;t know how to masturbate.

*cries into her hands*

i'm so frustrated. Any tips?

kog3100 · 05-26-2004, 02:13 PM

We definitely need a Love & Sex section on these boards.

Bodnoirbabe · 05-26-2004, 02:37 PM

okay thanks t-stone!
I'll try that tonight! *jumps up and down with excitement*

Maimy · 05-26-2004, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bodnoirbabe

Well. i would say definitly not on this one. I would probably not get the hang of it and end up even more sexually frustrated then i am now for not knowing how to masturbate. yes, i said it. I don;t know how to masturbate.

*cries into her hands*

i'm so frustrated. Any tips?

Fingertips ... ? *Smile*

BodnoirBabe, don't let it frustrate you.

I never masturbated to speak of until I was about thirty-five. I touched myself and loved the bod and all that good positive-image-emancipated-woman-happy-feminist shit, but I did not - COULD not - Jill off. It was like trying to tickle myself. Still is, for the most part (but dang, what a nice Knight Of Gold can do for you ...).

If it really is a problem that you don't, then just play it by ... ear. *Ahem*

But if you just don't, if it's like what I experienced and you just can't get turned on by your own hands or even toys - I say, don't let all the emancipated-body-positive shit bother you either. Seriously. It's not as if I can't come like a freight train when actually with a partner, so I'm pretty sure there aren't too many 'hangups' in the way of things. Masturbating isn't a requirement to be a sexual person, regardless of all the liberations we've gained since the Eisenhower years. You don't HAVE to do it.

However, if you wanna - and you say so - I am sure there'll be help aplenty from certain lovely ladies here ... And, likely, some of the guys, too.

Bodnoirbabe · 05-26-2004, 09:47 PM

Thanks maimy. I will definitly work on that aspect. However, i think it would be alot more fun to try tstones advice. lots lots more fun.

WolfMoon · 05-28-2004, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bodnoirbabe

Thanks maimy. I will definitly work on that aspect. However, i think it would be alot more fun to try tstones advice. lots lots more fun.

One word:vibrator!!!!

Just hold it against your, uh, 'happy button'.I guess I'm lucky cuz I can get off both ways.

:twisted:

Giga · 05-28-2004, 05:23 PM

I've been thinkin' of this subject for long and with lots of devotion...

Would I, if I could, give myself felattio?

In the end, the answer is: I don't know...

Although the prospect of that plastic vagina that vibrates and costs a lot... anyone tried that?

Davena · 05-28-2004, 06:12 PM

wow. the fact that there is someone out there that is as sheltered as me is very comforting. however, i do know how to masturbate.

. i saw a little bit of porn and..... woops!! did i say that?? silly me..... :twisted:

but anyways, havin body parts removed to give yourself an orgasm.....can we say OVERKILL???? very OVERKILL!!! now, if i could do it without the surgery.... well......

hehe

this is the greatest thread ever

Bodnoirbabe · 05-29-2004, 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Davena

wow. the fact that there is someone out there that is as sheltered as me is very comforting. however, i do know how to masturbate.

. i saw a little bit of porn and..... woops!! did i say that?? silly me..... :twisted:

Yeah yeah rub it in! But all i can say is I'm practicing! It's hard and strenuous but i'm devoted to making things better!

thornapplebison · 06-23-2004, 03:50 PM

I had a dream about autofelation the other night and it was so good, i did a search for it on the internet and found this thread. i was looking for a how-to site. i don't know if it could ever be as good as it was in that dream (might not taste so good, i'm thinking), but if it was, that would pretty much do it for my social life. a friend tells me that dreams of autofelatio or autolingus (is that a word?) mean blasphemy. :twisted:

as for how-to female masturbate: i'd recommend having a nice, relaxing bath. after a good soak, let most of the water out and position your inner wishbone under the faucet. let the water pour or drip or whatever does it for you. the main thing is to be relaxed and have lots of deeply nasty thoughts. also, don't focus too much on just the feathery beak. let your hands roam freely all over your body and don't focus too much on cumming or it'll never happen. the point is to enjoy the whole experience, not just the orgasm.

RetroGoth_queen · 06-24-2004, 12:42 AM

I agree with Maimy on this one... actually I agree with maimy on lots of things come to think of it 8)

If you dont wanna do it; you dont have to. :wink:

Thinking that you have to do it is equally as destructinve as thinking its bad and you should never do it or you will go blind.

The best advice I can really give for self love is ...
i dont know
its a personal thing really

however, your own spesh time might do everyone a world of good

how bout you just experiment?

You dont have to fuck yourself with your pen hand, you might alternately decide that you might like to bathe in some expensive bubble bath with insence and candles, reading a good sexy book, or dress up to feel like a goddess and make yourself feel pretty, sexy or whatever the case may be

seduce yourself, mentally, or physically, or both

just like sex doesnt have to be penetration; self love doesnt have to mean double clicking your mouse.

getting in touch with yourself doesnt have to be literal

you might oneday be pampering yourself and it will all become clear

and thats my two cents

Bodnoirbabe · 06-24-2004, 01:42 PM

Hrrmm. Well, the real reason I odn't masturbate is because i just don't have a desire to. Sure i tried it like twice in my teen years, but nothing ever felt good. it always felt to medical when i touched myself. *shrugs* So now i just have no desire to do it. Besides, i think having sex is far more pleasurable, and because i don't masturbate, the suspense to having sex is incredible.

I was playing truth or dare with my friend the other day and he asked me if i had ever mastubated (he knows i don't masturbate). I tols him yes. The first time i can remember masturbating was as a child, about 7. I was in class and it was story time so everyone was seated on the floor. I was in the back, and not really into the story. I had my legs crossed indian style around the leg of a desk. I started to rub up and down on it. Next thing I remember was the teacher stopping her reading me and asking me what the hell i was doing (only more teacherly). The whole class turned around and saw me.....so maybe that has something to do with it as well. Either way, it doesn't phase me. I just make a booty call.

thornapplebison · 06-24-2004, 11:37 PM

every girl i've ever met who had never masturbated to orgasm had also never orgasmed during sex (though oral sex did it for a couple of them, one couldn't even get off that way). for some reason, it's like you have to learn how to cum, and having someone else there while you're figuring it out is just distracting. you have to know your body and what works for you, or you'll never be able to teach someone else how to please you. at the very least, you've got to be able to say "yes! there! like that!" rather than lying there and trying to register all these new sensations.
even if it feels weird at first or you've got some conditioning to overcome before you can really lose yourself in the moment, it's worth it to keep at it until it feels natural to you.

Toto_Kaos · 07-19-2004, 12:37 AM

Tiberius,

I think you have asked a question that has plagued man since the first time he got head. My thought is this, you are going about things the wrong way. Instead of trying to get ribs removed to get to your cock, why don't you worry about making your cock longer so you don't have to bend as far? Not only will this help save your ribs, and aid in your pleasuring of the next female to come into your bed (provided any ever do) but from what I've heard, those penis pump things not only work but they feel really good. :twisted:

bexxle · 07-19-2004, 03:21 PM

How often does this come up?

Toto_Kaos · 07-19-2004, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bexxle

How often does this come up?

I don't know how much time you spend hanging out with guys, but most of my friends are of the opposite sex, so I have had the pleasure of hearing more conversations about their penis's than I would like to talk about. Therefore it is with some manner of authority that I say, this question has probably been asked by most, if not all the guys on the planet. Granted, they were probably pretty fucked up when they had this conversation, be it with themselves or with friends. What I want to know is how many people, other than Tiberius, have actually tried. More importantly, of those that tried, how many succeeded.

Cold.Lazarus · 07-24-2004, 07:32 PM

How can a boy/girl can orally-stimulate themselves without breakin their back n neck ??????

LDS · 07-25-2004, 02:46 AM

Moderator's note: POST EDITED OF ALL "DIRTY" IMAGES.

atomsmasher · 08-11-2004, 03:48 AM

I got interested in af when I came across a story on the internet about it, and since I was getting pretty bored with regular old masturbation, I decided to give it a try. I was shocked to find out that I could almost do it on the very first try! I tried the legs-over-the-head position, and by bracing my feet against the wall and some other contortions, I could almost touch it with my tongue. After a few more nights of trying, I was able to get part of the head in my mouth.

It's best to try it late at night, when you're relaxed, in the morning your joints are too stiff. A few drinks or puffs doesn't seem to hurt either as it may help you relax and limber up. It also helps to stretch good beforehand. Probably the most important thing is to have an empty stomach though! You can bend at the waist much easier if you haven't eaten anything for at least a good couple hours beforehand. I'm no pro at it yet, some nights it just ain't happening, but I have succeeded on more than one occasion, and one night I was able to get the whole head in my mouth. I'm not gay, or even bi, but I enjoy being able to do something VERY few men could even do if they wanted to. 8) I have a girlfriend and she thinks it's pretty cool actually. I don't swallow my own ejaculation (tried it once, and it was pretty nasty imho), but the "pre-cum" ain't bad, and any straight guy who's ever kissed his girl after she blew him has already tasted that anyhow :shock: Usually at the point of orgasm my back tenses up and my dick pulls out of my mouth involuntarily anyhow.

Keeping your breathing calm helps too. Any time I feel pain I stop immediately, as I did strain my shoulder muscles kinda bad when I first started seriously trying to do it, so you have to be careful, and this is definitely not for someone with back, neck, hip or shoulder problems!

I'm not super hung either, and I'm sure it would help if I was, as I wouldn't have so far to go to get to it heh. Most of my past gf's have said I'm a little over average endowment, so I would think unless you are small, most guys could do this if they were sufficiently flexible in the back and particularly the midsection.

Anyhow I figured since the post was about auto-fellatio, someone who has actually done it should post on here instead of a bunch of people who either would, or would just like to bag on somebody for even suggesting it :x although I do find it odd that anyone who would be horrified/disgusted by the suggestion of auto-fellatio would be reading and posting on a message thread actually entitled "auto-fellatio"?

Okay, I'm done. If you're gonna reply to me, do it fast because my cable modem was scheduled to be disconnected (due to roomie quitting his job and not paying the bill with money I gave him, but that's another story) on Aug. 10th, which was yesterday actually, so time is running out, but I may be able to check this thread from a friend's computer so don't let that stop you.

Talk amongst yourselves

Toto_Kaos · 08-17-2004, 10:19 PM

Wow. Atomsmasher, I don't know if you will get to read this anytime soon, but when ever you do, know that I am applauding you!! Not only did you have the twisted genius needed to figure out a solution to the problem, you kept up your hard work until you had perfected the art enough to at least offer a brief introductory course. You are an inspiration to many people, most of whom will even admit to the fact! May your life be blessed by frequent blow jobs from beautiful women. I salute you, Sir!

comatoast · 08-18-2004, 07:44 PM

Oh my god..will this thread not die??!?!?!?

its worse than herpies!
here
gone
here
gone
gone
oH! here!

ice · 08-18-2004, 07:54 PM

GONE

Thread locked by request(s)

Empty_Purple_Stars · 09-15-2005, 05:04 PM

And UNLOCKED, cause its still here for some weird reason and cause it's STILL funny..

NoneSuch · 09-15-2005, 05:41 PM

When did just plain simple masturbation get so unpopular ? XD God I wouldnt want to be myself in such a silly position just to try to suck my own cock... I'd feel plain stupid and I would do my back in trying LOL ......