Breaking it to my parents.

[bunnicula]

Well, you are obviously very young. Maybe it is just normal "teen angst" and it will pass, eventually. We all feel like that sometimes. Don't be sorry for saying how you feel. That is what you SHOULD do! Don't ask for suggestions on how to dress, act, etc., just dress how you want. If you have to get a job to pay for your own clothes, do it!

If your parents have a problem with it, it's THEIR problem, not yours! I know that is a hard concept to grasp as a teenager, but it is true. If they love you they will accept you for who you are, eventually. You may have the responsibility to be the educator for the benefit of your parents. Educate them if necessary, or just ignore their comments. If that causes some issues in your home, don't feel alone. It happens to most teenagers, not just 'goths.'

That, of course, is for 'healthy' families. I'll tell you what I went through: My parents were NOT cool with me dressing "goth." They threw away my clothes (that I paid for, working at the grocery store), including my sparkly high heel boots that I decorated myself! They also took posters off my walls and threw them away while I was at school, and dug through my drawers looking for 'evidence.' I was grounded for about 2 years.

But it's all ok now. I'm 26 and now on speaking terms with my parents, and they even pay for my college now. I didn't talk to them for several years, because I felt rejected; they did not accept me for who I was, including how I dressed and chose to express myself. They took every opportunity to criticize my choice of clothing, makeup, decorating of my room, friends, even my artwork and writing.

It was a learning experience for everyone. Hopefully you are a more well-adjusted teenager than I was, and you will be able to have civilized duscussions with your parents about creativity and alternative fashion and music without traumatizing them or yourself.

[Reject_Bunnies]

Originally Posted by Love_the_Heartless

My stupid little troubles are just the same as everyone else, I just seem to exaggerate them without trying when writing them out.
I am aware that I can get annoying and I'm sorry.
And Im not trying to be more "gothic", I just want to stand out and dress how I want without my parents thinking im a freak.

"Just the same as everyone else"? What??!
When I was your age,I sure wasn't slicing my arms up because I thought my life was just so terrible. You have some serious problems that you need to get help for,instead of whining for everyones' attention on a public messageboard.

[chloegoth]

Originally Posted by Love_the_Heartless

I was simply asking for suggestions. I dont believe my life is bad, in fact Im moderately happy with it. I know everyone goes through problems and I was just asking about them. My stupid little troubles are just the same as everyone else, I just seem to exaggerate them without trying when writing them out.
I am aware that I can get annoying and I'm sorry.
And Im not trying to be more "gothic", I just want to stand out and dress how I want without my parents thinking im a freak.

I know this isn't going to sound like a good answer, because it isn't easy, and it's not immediate, but it worked well for me.

It's a fact: your parents will never completely agree with everything you do, no matter how accepting they are. My parents didn't actively try to dissuade me from exploring my options as to how to be an individual and express myself, but they definitely made it clear they didn't approve of it. They didn't do anything, but they said many disparaging things that made me stop dressing the way I wanted, listen to the music I wanted to, read the books I wanted to, and watch the movies I wanted to watch (actually, they did ban me from watching vampire movies, but I stayed up late and watched them anyway). Even now, years after I moved away from home and threw out all my khaki pants and pastel shirts and all the things that weren't really "me," my parents still comment on my "lifestyle choices."

The way I choose to look at it is that my parents' job is to make sure that I can function in the world without them. Ultimately, this is the job of every parent, and has been since human beings first appeared on this earth. So even if they don't approve of what I wear, then it's not the end of the world because it's my job to move away from them one day and theirs to let me go and be myself. I decided that if I could be myself under my parents' scrutiny, then I would be that much stronger when I got out on my own. And I am.

The only other thing I think is important (other than just sticking with it), is to communicate with your parents. Even if they still don't agree with you, sitting down and talking with them like an adult will help them to see you as more of an adult. Come up with a positive result of your dressing and behaving the way you do. Make it seem like it's in everyone's best interest for you to do this. Remind them that they were young once (but do it diplomatically), and that they turned out just fine. Flattery is a wonderful tool.

I don't know if any of this helps you, but it helped me. My parents still don't understand me, but I'm slowly winning them over.

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Originally Posted by Love_the_Heartless

I'm sorry if I'm annoying anyone with my stupid problems, but I need an answer for this toinight. Anyone who cuts, have you ever had to swim at your school? I have to tomorrow and I have no way of hiding my arms. Tips or somthing please!!

Yeah, I have a few tips for you..

Grow a pair and ask for some help while you still can..

Here's what could happen if you don't..

A) Someone is going to find out and use that knowledge to commit you for Involuntary Psychiatric Evaluation, which I GUARANTEE you won't like. Which will also include Forced Medication, among other things, which is all kinds of fun.

B) You'll manage to get away with it long enough to get REALLY GOOD at it, and will make the mistake that many cutters do, and cut more than a bit too deep one of these days and end up another statistic like my friend Jeremy..

C) The 'fix' you get from cutting, will lead you to other ways to escape from your feelings, which will open up a whole new can of "ruin your young life in six easy steps" possibilities.

Those are just the top three possible outcomes.

My friend Jeremy wasn't trying to kill himself, but he cut one too many times, in just the right place, and bled to death in his bathroom.

I know we have several past and present 'cutters' here, but giving you advice on how to HIDE your cuts, doesn't help a fucking thing.

Be strong enough to admit that you have a problem you don't kow how to deal with, and ask for help.

Don't end up another stupid statistic..

[Love_the_Heartless]

Originally Posted by Reject_Bunnies

"Just the same as everyone else"? What??!
When I was your age,I sure wasn't slicing my arms up because I thought my life was just so terrible. You have some serious problems that you need to get help for,instead of whining for everyones' attention on a public messageboard.

I allready said I dont think my life is terrible. I didnt mean the same problems with the cutting I ment with the other things. And im not posting this for attention, if i wanted that I would just wear short sleeves to school.

[Godslayer Jillian]

The best you can do is listen to EPS's post

[WolfMoon]

I agree, giving kids advice on how to hide cutting is a very bad thing. Please stop.

We only enable fags here.