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Old 04-29-2012, 04:14 PM   #1
Salò
 
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I feel like such an asshole. I feel so guilty.

About three months I had a falling out with a new friend, who I met during my first semester at community college. We noticed each other at the beginning of the semester because we had similar taste in music, goth subculture, ect. I made a comment on her Wumpscut shirt and we started texting, hanging out, ect. Well we actually know a lot of the same people so it's was even better. Well coming into the second semester we didn't see each other as much and I become really stressed with working two jobs, which were at odd hours, basically night shifts till late in the night, along with school. We ended up getting coffee one afternoon and she was talking about this guy she met and how great/attractive he is. He's actually not that great from what i heard by some of my friends, who've had friends date this guy. Well anyways after hearing her raving on and on about this guy I just got really jealous. I don't know why, I mean I love her as a friend. She's like the closest thing to ever being a sister to me. I'm the black sheep of my family, who are really conservative, & christian and i happen to be this alternative fag so being around her i just felt really accepted. anyways I just ended up being an asshole to her and I really regret it. I said some of the meanest things to her, like beyond mean. I made her feel like shit and I feel extremely guilty, and feel extremely horrible for what i did. The worst part is that she won't forgive me or even talk to me. She's been abused before in past relationships, and even tried to kill herself so i can see her being defensive about this and being angry at me. She ended up changing her number and tried to get a restraining order out on me because I can't stop bothering her about this. I just feel so bad, and maybe i should be patient? maybe i should quit trying? I saw her last friday leaving the campus and ended up yelling to her that I was sorry and that I felt horrible. She looked so miserable even before I started yelling. She's scared that i might hurt her again and its really frustrating just trying to understand that.

All of my friends are tired of trying to hangout or talk to me because all i do is just sit there and look depressed. or I talk about how i feel bad, and guilty for being an asshole to her. I'm basically alienating them, and soon ill be friendless.



I just don't want to live in this world where I have qualms or quarrels with people. It's just not in my genetic makeup, or framework. I'm afraid that if i leave this unresolved then something might happen to her or me and it'll never be resolved. everybody tells me that i seriously need to quit trying, but i just don't know. i mean i can't really go out anymore because she'll be at the same places i go to and hangout with the same friends i have.
And it's not like we had a romantic relationship so why can't we just be adults and talk this problem out?


fuck, i hate myself.
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Old 04-29-2012, 09:33 PM   #2
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Sounds to me like you've done all you can. What it's not possible to do should not be stressed about--it's futile, and self-destructive.

You're not responsible for her mindstate. She was set up before you even met her. Just learn from what you did, and you've got the maximum outcome possible until further notice.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:07 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Salò View Post
I just don't want to live in this world where I have qualms or quarrels with people.
lol white people
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Originally Posted by Salò View Post
All of my friends are tired of trying to hangout or talk to me because all i do is just sit there and look depressed. or I talk about how i feel bad, and guilty for being an asshole to her. I'm basically alienating them, and soon ill be friendless.
There's your first problem, right there. You alienated a friend so now you're alienating everyone else?
Hell no. First you get yourself together and then fix the original problem. If you don't, then the first problem wouldn't even be fixed because who'd wanna hang out with a mopey dude that brings everyone down?
If you go out to all the same places you will always have times to make things right, so time is on your side. First fix everything else while you give her time, but when you see her look at how he looks at you, and ask for forgiveness a bit into the future again.
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Old 04-30-2012, 02:59 AM   #4
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Lol. Conscience .
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Old 04-30-2012, 03:36 PM   #5
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Hard fact of life: just because you're ready to apologize, doesn't mean people are ready to forgive you. If you fucked up, you just have to deal with that - if you hurt someone, it ain't just about you anymore.

Normally I'd say send her an email, apologizing like a motherfucker & leaving the ball in her court. But if she's talking restraining order blues, it sounds like that ship has sailed.

Just leave her alone. That's obviously what she wants, and if you really were that much of an asshole I'd say you owe her that much. Learn the lesson, don't do it again. She has the right to decide that your guilt is not her problem.
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Old 05-01-2012, 03:40 PM   #6
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Harsh bro.
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Old 05-04-2012, 08:41 AM   #7
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I suffer from Aspergers so idk I just come off as annoying as fuck and so it's really hard for me to keep relationships, especially if i fuck up because i just don't know how to handle it. I come as an obtused retard.

I just have this intuition that what i did was wrong. My complete liberal self totally contradicted myself by treating a women like shit when i don't belive in that. I desrespected her and treated her like shit because i was angry and selfish. I mean i'm only 19, and she's 29, so everyone is telling to lay off and give it a rest becuase I'm young and dumb, but it's just nagging at me.
I saw her today while getting coffee and we passed each other and i just ended up cracking and telling her how horrible i felt and how sorry i was, how it was all my fault. She looked at me all perplexed. I was totally upset

I'm such a dumb fucking ****** asshole. I really admire her. She's extremely beautiful, different and very free thinking which i like. She's very antithetical to most of the people we're around, most of the sheeple.

fuck!
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Old 05-04-2012, 10:43 AM   #8
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Yeah chalk this one up as a loss and move on. You've apologised, don't beat yourself up over it any more than you already have. There's more to life than this.
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:02 PM   #9
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Yeah chalk this one up as a loss and move on. You've apologised, don't beat yourself up over it any more than you already have. There's more to life than this.
Indeed. Leave her alone. Retrospect? Use it.
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