How should a Vegetarian get along with a Meat eater?

BLEED REBELION!!! · 03-20-2008, 07:52 PM

I’m a vegetarian and I’m thinking of going vegan (but it probably wont happen). My BF is NOT a vegetarian. He goes on about how its not natural and blaa blaa blaa.

Once I refused to kiss him because he had just eaten meat in front of me, and he got really upset. We talk about moving in together, and I can see food turning into a big problem. Seeing as we’re both stubborn (and think were always right) and I refuse to cook meet or buy it. And then he says if we have kids he wants them to eat meat (he doesn’t even eat organic meat). And I would have a BIG problem with my kids eating meat, at least until they are old enough to make an informed decision. It really annoys me when he acts like me vegetarianism is stupid. It actually does mean allot to me. I love him soooo uch and I don’t want to fight about anything, but he needs to respect my choices.

This is the only thing that me and him have a real issue about. We get along or at least don’t “argue/bitch at each other” about everything else. Has any one else ever been in a similar situation? If so how did you deal with it? How should I deal with him?

It doesn mater to me when random idiots mock me or think im stupid, but I feel like he should be above that.

Graveyard.Crow · 03-20-2008, 08:19 PM

He should be above that
Show him how cows are slaughtered

Renatus · 03-20-2008, 08:23 PM

If you two really love each other then you should talk about it, especialy when you feel soo strongly about it. If he can't respect your decision about somthing like that can he really respect you?

But I wouldn't take my word alone on this, can somone critique what I said since I've been alive 18 years which is hardly enough time to consider myself qualified to acess(could somone check the spelling on this since since a spellchecker wont correct it since the incorrect spelling is still a word) the situation.

Graveyard.Crow · 03-20-2008, 08:26 PM

The mean spelling Nazi's on this site made Renatus scared

Renatus · 03-20-2008, 08:29 PM

Not really I've just been out of practice with the word more than I'd like (blame the American education system for that), so I can't remember for the life of me how to spell it. It's that damned feeling of it being on the edge of my memory that is eating me up inside.

Graveyard.Crow · 03-20-2008, 08:32 PM

and the fact that you didn't want to be shot by the crazy spelling Nazis *shifty eyes*

ionic_angel · 03-20-2008, 09:11 PM

Well, I'd say the fact that you two aren't compatible on a the level of what you eat could point out future trouble.

As for having kids, please don't raise them on a strictly vegan diet (unless you really, really understand nutrition). Vegetarian is fine, but unless you fully understand the diet risks of going without many of those sources of protein (and how to replace them) you could be opening up your kids to a really big bunch of problems later.

I doubt that you'll ever convince your BF to stop eating meat. Most people enjoy it too much to ever give up - and take exception to people wanting to change them. The question is if you value the relationship more than your offended sensibilities, I suppose.

As a side note, do you guys know that the average human eats several pounds of bugs (by accident) over their lifetime?

BLEED REBELION!!! · 03-20-2008, 09:28 PM

Yeah I actually heard about the bug thing not too long ago, its trippy.
Although I once ate fried grasshoppers they tast e like burnt popcorn.

Yeah I wouldnt raise my kids straight vegan. And I have been looking into vitamin supliments and other sources of protein/calcium/etc.
I dont want him to stop eating mear, or at least I dont require it. I just wish he were more sensitive to me.

KontanKarite · 03-20-2008, 09:34 PM

My GF is a vegetarian. Interesting how she can just let that moral high ground go and watch me eat a big sloppy hamburger, with no consequence to me.

The solution is rather simple, really. You don't have to cook the meat. Hell, you don't even have to buy it. But he should be able to be a meat eater without you condemning him. So he can supply and eat his own meat if he wishes.

Also, if it bothers you that much, then BOTH of you exercise good oral hygiene after every meal.

Then again, if he goes around talking about being a meat eater like it's some sort of badge of honor, then dump him. He's a dick.

Godslayer Jillian · 03-20-2008, 09:56 PM

One solution: you could realize that dairy products also come from cows which are kept alive and treated like shit rather than given space to graze and killed in a relatively humane way (at least compared to how milk cows and hens are treated)
Vegans, I can almost comprehend, even though most vegetable products still come from un-environmental corporations that probably own some slaughterhouses too.
But as for vegetarians, I see no excuse unless it's because of their health (but this is obviously not the case in here if people eating meat is an issue)

Pineapple_Juice · 03-21-2008, 01:27 AM

Coming from a vegan currently kinda-seeing-but-more-than-likely-just-fucking a meat eater/hunter, I can tell you right now that you two are more than likely never going to agree with each other or change your minds about how you feel. The only thing you can do is make an agreement to respect each other's feelings and beliefs even though they contradict each other. You can still respect a person without respecting their views. Explain to him why vegetarianism is important to you without being accusatory, i.e-"YOU'RE SLAUGHTERING DEFENSELESS ANIMALS YOU MURDERER!" 'cause all that's going to happen is he's gonna get defensive and stop listening, and vice versa.
Realize that he has been raised as a meat eater his whole life, as were most of us. For someone to tell them that their entire way of life is wrong is sort of devastating. Be understanding to how he feels, but remember that he has to treat you with respect as well.
I suggest you making a deal: You won't buy meat or bring it in the house, but if he brings it then he's allowed to eat it.
About the children thing, I dunno man. Flip a coin.

JCC · 03-21-2008, 05:16 AM

He wants to eat meat.

It's not hurting anyone.

Let him eat meat and stop being such an overbearing food-dominatrix.

Solumina · 03-21-2008, 05:17 AM

It is extremely hard for a child to get all of the nutrition they need from a vegan diet so I wouldn't recommend it if/when you have kids.

Just out of curiosity why wouldn't you kiss him after he ate meat? If the taste makes you ill then I understand but if it was simply the fact that he had been eating meat then you kind of need to let it go because when you do that you are condemning his lifestyle (which can be more than a little offensive). I'm not saying make out for an hour but a quick kiss isn't going to hurt

ApothoKeri · 03-21-2008, 06:33 AM

I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years and dated a lot of people that were not over the years. Honestly, I have always tried to respect other peoples lifestyle decisions and I have always expected others to respect mine. Once people get to an age where they know what happens to animals and where meat comes from, they make their own decisions. Just like you make yours. If you can't live with it, I would think you would need to find someone that you can live with. But don't expect people to change because usually they won't. If he is mocking you and NOT respecting your own lifestyle decisions though, that seems like more of an issue right there than who eats what. If you can not mutually respect each other then I am not sure what the point is of going so far into the realm of thinking about having children with the person. Think about it VERY carefully before you have a child with someone, that will tie you to them for life, if you want to be or not later on down the road.

BLEED REBELION!!! · 03-21-2008, 07:33 AM

Jilli: I am a vegetarian for health reasons as well as moral. I just dont like the Idea of eating animals period, especially with the way they are treated. And I veiw allot of animals (i.e pigs, chickens, etc) to be mor elike pets or wild things because I grew up with the as pets (at least when I was younger.)
I am attempting to go vegan (I never ate or liked eggs really, I dont drink milk, when at home I eat vegan butter spread stuff, and Im trying to ween off cheese.) but I realize that any things like soap akeup etc are/are made with animal products. So it will be difficult if I decide to be all out vegan. BUt if I go out to eat and I know that eggs is an ingedient in something I will probably eat it, whle I wont eat actual eggs (doesnt make much sense does it?) As for corporations that sell vege's and own slaughterhouses well that kinda fucks me out of allot of y "choices" in the "free market". But in the summer I usually go to the farmers market try to buy locally grown things.

Pineapple: I can see how this would seem like I was telling his entire way of life is wrong. Vegetarianism was never hard for me. I was raised as one (strictly) till I was about 9, then I started eating poultry and seafood (i've never eaten pig or cow) and then sometime in freshman year I quit eating meat and I feel very very healthy. I never really realized that most people always ate meat.

Who thinks "fastfood nation" would be a good movie for me and hiim to watch together?

Soluina: I refused to kiss him because
1. I food the meat he was eating to be especially gross, and I didnt want it in my mouth.
2. he made "mmhhh mhhh yummy" noises while eating and offered me some. So I was being petty and trying to get back at him.

Apothokeri: The "realm of thinking about having children". I dont know why we even talk about it, He definetly wanst kids at some point, and I never really wanted any and I told him as much, and we kinda dropped it for a while, and then we some how made up names for these hypothetical children and talk about them, things like how we teach little Jackie ( I dislike the name) martial arts etc.
Besides kids are at least 7 years away if not more....

Tam Li Hua · 03-21-2008, 09:06 AM

Personally, I have to wonder if this food issue is a sign of deeper problems between the two of you. I think if you guys were really into each other, it wouldn't be such an impasse.

I would suggest talking about what's actually bothering you about one another, because I just don't think it's food.

And if it -is- food, and you both feel -that- strongly about it, then perhaps it's time to move on..

Pineapple_Juice · 03-21-2008, 10:22 AM

I disagree with Solumina about the effectiveness of veganism or vegetarianism pertaining to children's health, so long as you are feeding it a proper diet.

Rebellion, I understand the meat thing. I've been kissed whilst said person was chewing on a bunch of shrimp-it was not good.
Fast Food Nation is a good movie to watch if you're trying to change his mind via the health route. Personally, I care very little about healthy eating-my reason for vegetarianism and finally veganism has always been a moral one. If you do plan to watch this movie, make sure you're not sitting there and saying stuff like "see?! I told you!" etc.
Good luck.

AngelikDemonik · 03-21-2008, 11:27 AM

I've recently dipped my foot into the waters of vegetarianism. My boyfriend has been nothing but supportive.

Respect his choices and don't put him down for them. He is not a bad person because he eats meat. It's not his choice as to how the animals are slaughtered.

If he is too immature to respect your choices, dump him.

Tam Li Hua · 03-21-2008, 01:45 PM

I can't imagine not eating meat. Even if I had to go out and hunt it down myself. XD

I'm serious. I really can't do without it, unless I have no choice.

If I was dating a vegetarian, I would respect their choices as long as they didn't make a big deal about me ordering a nice sirloin and using meat and meat products on a regular basis.

I refuse to watch something like Fast-Food Nation, because it wreaks of propaganda mentality, even if what they present is true and actual. [I -really- hate people trying to change my mind by pulling at my heartstrings. I feel the same way about those commercials that try to get me to donate to the Christian Poor As Fuck Children's foundation.

Don't give me that shit. I lived in Southeast Asia for 3 damned years; if that didn't make me feel sorry for the kids OR the animals, then a commercial or a shocumentary certainly isn't.

blackwater1110 · 03-21-2008, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelikDemonik

He is not a bad person because he eats meat. It's not his choice as to how the animals are slaughtered.

But it is his choice, once he is aware of how they are slaughtered, to make a moral decision about it, and this reflects on his character. So to say that his eating habits and his moral character are entirely unrelated is erroneous. I'm not trying to start a debate, just stating how I feel.

As a fellow lacto-vegetarian, I have found there are really three way to deal with other people concerning this:

1. Be militant about it and get in people's faces. As has been previously mentioned, this just makes them defensive and makes you look like an asshole. If you are the type, however, that refuse to compromise because you see it as a blow to your integrity, then this path might be for you.

2. Associate with these people (in this case, you boyfriend), but keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked about them. Answer honestly, but without engaging in proselytism. Generally this is the best way to go. You have to be willing to accept and tolerate other people's sense of morality, so if you are comfortable having your morality as only your own and not to judge others based upon it, you could live probably live congruously.

3. If it's that big a deal for you, don't associate with people who don't share the same moral convictions(in this case, your boyfriend). To me, this is the coward's route, since you are essentially running away from the problem by only surrounding yourself with like-minded people, since you could grow a lot more, and live a lot more in the real world, if you chose either of the other two options, but it might be necessary if you simply have no other recourse or if the person is being really abusive about their meat-eating habits.

Speaking of which, what he was doing at dinner was a sign of disrespect to you, and in your shoes I would have done the same thing. Eating meat while making inflammatory comments like that is, to me, the equivalent of kicking a dead cat, or mocking a starving child with your table scraps. While it makes no logical sense, kissing someone who has just eaten meat makes one feel like they are inviting you to share in their sins (obviously a very personal reaction). So I sympathize with you on this issue.

The vegetarian thing and the respect thing most definitely need to be hammered out before your relationship progresses any further. As much as you love him, you must have things that are deal-breakers to you if they aren't met by your mate, because while your affection for him may fade, his character won't, and if you do end up marrying/having kids with him and are stuck interacting with him, this can mean the difference between a save-abe relationship and living hell.

Wormboy · 03-21-2008, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

One solution: you could realize that dairy products also come from cows which are kept alive and treated like shit rather than given space to graze and killed in a relatively humane way (at least compared to how milk cows and hens are treated)
Vegans, I can almost comprehend, even though most vegetable products still come from un-environmental corporations that probably own some slaughterhouses too.
But as for vegetarians, I see no excuse unless it's because of their health (but this is obviously not the case in here if people eating meat is an issue)

Add to this the fact that all the process of harvesting plant life kills animals by accident (threshers and such) and the fact I believe somewhere they've proven plants can feel pain, and it's impossible not to have blood on your hands.

To the original poster

My girlfriend is a vegetarian/vegan and I eat meat (not often)

You could always ask him to either A) try not eating as much meat around you and B) just brush his teeth or use mouthwash after eating meat if you two want to have a good snog. ^_^

blackwater1110 · 03-21-2008, 02:07 PM

Plants can feel pain? I would love to see evidence of this, as it would change my whole perception of, well..a lot of things.

Wormboy · 03-21-2008, 02:09 PM

Declaring that it is morally wrong for one to eat meat to the point of where you look down on them for it or say that it is a wrong lifestyle choice is not only morally presumptuous but incredibly arrogant. With me, if forced I'd live a happy life as a vegan. I personally don't like food enough to care either way. I actually might try it for health reasons.

Wormboy · 03-21-2008, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackwater1110

Plants can feel pain? I would love to see evidence of this, as it would change my whole perception of, well..a lot of things.

I don't have the energy to bother and look it up fully. It's not quite the same as animal pain, but they've even done things to cause plants stress and they then released a small chemical similar to the ones humans release during stress.
I may be totally off, this is all third hand knowledge.

blackwater1110 · 03-21-2008, 02:13 PM

Yeah, I've read of experiments where they yell at plants and such and they don't do as well as plants they talk nicely to. Bizarre, that...Mainly, I'm looking for signs of the conscious awareness of pain, more than a chemical that causes stress, because my moral system centers around the prevention of suffering. So, if it turns out that plants suffer, then I have no more reason to go on being a vegetarian, and have to resign myself to the fact that other things must suffer so I may survive.