Am I hypocritical or just practical? / You have money you dont have to conform!

[Amani 愛]

I have always been a critic of the academy and its approved curriculum. I always felt like most schools weren’t meant to educate the students but were rather meant to socialize and indoctrinate them. Outside of the category of most schools there is then the category of underfunded crap-tastic inner city schools. I felt like these schools were just preparing kids for subservient positions and jail sentences.
I had a really shitty elementary education (or lack there of). I was then “home schooled” through middle school where I didn’t really learn much (I just read tons of books). We choose the home school option because my zone middle school was considered to be too dangerous. Then I went to a rather alternative High School for 9th and 10th grade. At this alternative school I was really able to broaden my horizons ideologically and theoretically. The academics just simply weren’t rigorous enough. In eleventh grade I was accepted at a public college prep magnet school. Being accepted to this magnet school was a god send. I saw it as an opportunity to get into college and to get the fuck out of here.
While I never really valued High school in it of its self I saw it as a hoop I had to jump through. At my new school it was rather difficult as well. It is the best school in the city and they grade hard. I was relatively happy because I knew my future would better because of all the bullshit I was putting up with. This school was preparing me for college.
So junior year I did really well. I jumped through every hoop. I kissed every teachers ass. I followed Assignment prompts to the letter. I did every extra credit assignment. I got a 3.7 GPA (and was little disappointed). I humored them essentially.
One of my classmates who was aware of my thoughts about the curriculum and of my “overly leftist and rebellious” politics criticized my work ethic. A group of us were discussing our grades and mine were higher than his in the classes we shared (mostly because he was lazy).

He then said something along the lines of: “Amani, you talk all this shit about school and the system and about freeing your mind from the “shackles of prefabricated reality” yet you spend all your time doing school work and jumping through hoops. You’re full of shit. You are becoming just another cog. You’re a poser. WTF is with you and your obsession with perfect grades when you espouse the type of rhetoric/ideology you do? You're just a hypocrite...”
This pissed me the fuck off. He always hated my politics because he thought it was too radical. He always bought into all the things I intellectually rejected yet now he claimed that I was embracing them. I think he was annoyed that my grades were better because he believed he was intellectually superior (a point I don’t care to argue because its completely fucking irrelevant).
I tried to explain that I have to jump through the hoops I have to do everything perfectly because I need to go to college and I can’t afford college. Previous to 11th grade I never cared to go. I planned on riding a bike across the country after high school and living a dumpster diving/off the grid type of life. But at some point I realized that I had dreams. There were things I wanted to do (like travel the world) and these things take money. I needed an education to fall back on. My family is pretty poor and so anything I want I have to get it myself. Education seems to be my only real way out of poverty. My mom made the mistake of never going to college and she’s still paying for it now. My mom is fucking forty years old and is now trying to go to school. I have to get out and get paid.
What bothered me about him and what he said was that he was an upper middle class white male. He didn’t have to work as hard as I did. He went to private schools until high school because our high school was just as good but free (kids are accepted on academic merit). His education was undoubtedly better than mine. Yet I “achieved” more because I was willing to work for it. His grades don’t really matter. If he gets Cs in every class and doesn’t do any thing else he will still go to college. He will still be provided for. His family will take care of him. He’s never had to take care of himself or anyone else for that matter. He is privileged and spoiled and it irks the shit out of me that he criticizes me so harshly when I don’t have the freedom that he takes for granted.
When he said those things to me I felt really really bitter that he could slack off and be an ass hole and coast through life yet still have things handed to him. I don’t have that luxury and even though I explained that to him he says that I am a sell out under my own framework. I’d much rather conform a little bit now and get through school so I can get a good career then rebel now and be forced to conform later. I would just end up with some shit low paying job which forces me to work too many hours and thus sucks the life out of me. I’ve realized that conforming now will give me freedom that comes with money later.
Maybe I’m just being too sensitive but he really got to me. Am I wrong?

[Amani 愛]

Sorry nothing is indented.... when I typed this I indented but for some reason when I posted it changed...

[skateboard pro]

too long didn't read.

[Konstantin]

Originally Posted by skateboard pro

too long didn't read.

Then why the hell did you bother commenting?


Yes, college is a series of hoops, as are admission tests and committees. Your friend did have a point - you can't bitch at the system while doing your very best without coming off as a bit of a hypocrite. The easy solution? Don't spend so much time bitching about it.

You'll get the last laugh when you have a good job and a world of opportunities opening up before you. Do your best to keep your "overly leftist and rebellious" attitudes under control (for now), and stay focused on what's really important.

[Delkaetre]

I wouldn't say that it's all that hypocritical.
You're learning, gathering knowledge, getting an understanding of how things work- there's nothing wrong with that, or with wanting to increase your knowledge and independence.
Being rebellious doesn't mean skipping class and failing school. If you have a mind, use it. Learn and understand, and you can make much more of a difference- at college you can start to make connections with others who think like you, you can see that there are plenty of people who will treat the system as something to give them knowledge and experience without necessarily changing who they are at the core.

Besides, once you can see and understand how it all really works, you can make much more effective criticisms- and be taken more seriously, because you've actually been through it and seen it.

[msg_themoon]

Ditto Delkaetre!

I did not like das school, das system, every student I saw was a drone, but public schools are easy as pie. I spent my first three years of high school being an idiot and fucking around didn't care about my grades. I was considered one of the "Gifted and Talented," but I never saw that as much seeing as how down here they have lowered standards for students which annoyed me.

Senior year I just decided "I might as well do the work, it aint hard, and i could learn a little." Well I did do my work, the only thing I learned from that high school was I guess how to write a good paper and music theory! Made A Honor Roll senior year and my class had voted me most rebel! Probably because I walked with my guitar around school, BUT that is besides the point! It might be considered a hypocritical, but who the fuck cares? It is your life. You have got to work harder to get places. People do much worse than being hypocrites to survive each day. If you keep going your route without any people getting in the way you are set.

Freshly Baked.

[Amani 愛]

T hanks for the replies to my thread. XD Nice to get some feedback.

I do (now that I’ve realized getting everyone else to agree with me really doesn’t matter) mostly keep my opinions about stuff like this to myself unless someone asks. The only reason this guy knows what I think is because we were in the same policy debate league.
I think that I will try to avoid the particular guy who criticized me. He’s always been a bit of a sexist bitch anyways…..
I hope the work I’m doing pays off. Cuz I really really am looking forward to college.

Delkaetre: I realize that being rebellious doesn’t necessarily mean skipping classes and what not and It’s not that I have/had a problem with increasing my knowledge and independence its more so that I thought school was blinding me and teaching me a bunch of bullshit I found that I learned sooo much more on my own…. I’ve always loved science and literature but I felt like school was retrograde. I felt like the school just didn’t address the important things nor did it really challenge me. But I’ve realized I can handle school a lot better if it demands excellence rather than expecting failure.

[medbh4805]

Originally Posted by Amani　愛

I have always been a critic of the academy and its approved curriculum. I always felt like most schools weren’t meant to educate the students but were rather meant to socialize and indoctrinate them. Outside of the category of most schools there is then the category of underfunded crap-tastic inner city schools. I felt like these schools were just preparing kids for subservient positions and jail sentences.
I had a really shitty elementary education (or lack there of). I was then “home schooled” through middle school where I didn’t really learn much (I just read tons of books). We choose the home school option because my zone middle school was considered to be too dangerous. Then I went to a rather alternative High School for 9th and 10th grade. At this alternative school I was really able to broaden my horizons ideologically and theoretically. The academics just simply weren’t rigorous enough. In eleventh grade I was accepted at a public college prep magnet school. Being accepted to this magnet school was a god send. I saw it as an opportunity to get into college and to get the fuck out of here.
While I never really valued High school in it of its self I saw it as a hoop I had to jump through. At my new school it was rather difficult as well. It is the best school in the city and they grade hard. I was relatively happy because I knew my future would better because of all the bullshit I was putting up with. This school was preparing me for college.
So junior year I did really well. I jumped through every hoop. I kissed every teachers ass. I followed Assignment prompts to the letter. I did every extra credit assignment. I got a 3.7 GPA (and was little disappointed). I humored them essentially.
One of my classmates who was aware of my thoughts about the curriculum and of my “overly leftist and rebellious” politics criticized my work ethic. A group of us were discussing our grades and mine were higher than his in the classes we shared (mostly because he was lazy).

He then said something along the lines of: “Amani, you talk all this shit about school and the system and about freeing your mind from the “shackles of prefabricated reality” yet you spend all your time doing school work and jumping through hoops. You’re full of shit. You are becoming just another cog. You’re a poser. WTF is with you and your obsession with perfect grades when you espouse the type of rhetoric/ideology you do? You're just a hypocrite...”
This pissed me the fuck off. He always hated my politics because he thought it was too radical. He always bought into all the things I intellectually rejected yet now he claimed that I was embracing them. I think he was annoyed that my grades were better because he believed he was intellectually superior (a point I don’t care to argue because its completely fucking irrelevant).
I tried to explain that I have to jump through the hoops I have to do everything perfectly because I need to go to college and I can’t afford college. Previous to 11th grade I never cared to go. I planned on riding a bike across the country after high school and living a dumpster diving/off the grid type of life. But at some point I realized that I had dreams. There were things I wanted to do (like travel the world) and these things take money. I needed an education to fall back on. My family is pretty poor and so anything I want I have to get it myself. Education seems to be my only real way out of poverty. My mom made the mistake of never going to college and she’s still paying for it now. My mom is fucking forty years old and is now trying to go to school. I have to get out and get paid.
What bothered me about him and what he said was that he was an upper middle class white male. He didn’t have to work as hard as I did. He went to private schools until high school because our high school was just as good but free (kids are accepted on academic merit). His education was undoubtedly better than mine. Yet I “achieved” more because I was willing to work for it. His grades don’t really matter. If he gets Cs in every class and doesn’t do any thing else he will still go to college. He will still be provided for. His family will take care of him. He’s never had to take care of himself or anyone else for that matter. He is privileged and spoiled and it irks the shit out of me that he criticizes me so harshly when I don’t have the freedom that he takes for granted.
When he said those things to me I felt really really bitter that he could slack off and be an ass hole and coast through life yet still have things handed to him. I don’t have that luxury and even though I explained that to him he says that I am a sell out under my own framework. I’d much rather conform a little bit now and get through school so I can get a good career then rebel now and be forced to conform later. I would just end up with some shit low paying job which forces me to work too many hours and thus sucks the life out of me. I’ve realized that conforming now will give me freedom that comes with money later.
Maybe I’m just being too sensitive but he really got to me. Am I wrong?

This is what exemplefies the arrogance of the bourgeois. In the UK we have a national curriculum dumbed down to who knows where. I go to a grammar school where we are spoon fed until exam technique is coming out our ears. Even if I did know work I would come out with a string of a levels that would get me a place at university.
This guy doesn't know the meaning of hard work and if it's obvious the reason he's criticising you is his own jealousy. It's one thing to hate the system but a true master manipulates the system to his or her own advantage. Ideology is no reason for failing in school. Social mobility is the first step to socialism. Let's face it a lumpenproletariat revolution is not possible in our society. If the system is going to change it's going to change from the top.