The Working Man's God

[stolide]

A poem of mine I thought you guys would be interested in.

Here I am decaying in motionless fear,
Trapped under It's eternally falling hand,

The vile wonder,
Like a token of some Decadent God,
Displayed prominantly on the hideous wall,
They pray to it incesscantly,
Giving it their constant plea,
Worshiping It's every decree,
Those wandering,
Pondering,
Time-squandering,
Fools.

All around me,
Their motions lazy,
Their motives hazy,
Welling over,
Crushing pain,
Certain death,
Callous watchers,
Out of breath.

It's also on my deviant account.

I was sitting at college waiting for two hours to talk to my consular when and the song "The Dog's a Vapour" came on my ipod and I thought of this poem.

Tell me what you think about it, and of course who you think the Working Man's God is.

Also, no need to hold back on criticisms if you honestly don't like it. I want to know what people actually think.

Thanks in advance.

[HumanePain]

I liked it, but I would remove or change

"Worshiping It's every decree,"

because the theme of your poem is a non-existent deity, so how could it make a decree?

Maybe change it to:

"Worshiping Pope's every decree,"

or

"Worshiping their every decree,"
(to signify that men are making the decree, not the deity).

But yeah, interesting.

[stolide]

Pope doesn't make sense since it's about a clock. "It" is the clock, the decadent go being Time and the clock being the token.

I used decree because I was thinking of the time it's showing as being it's decree, but I also see what you are saying.

I'm glad you found it interesting.

[HumanePain]

OH! Wow! That went right over my head. Then it all fits. Good job!

[stolide]

Thanks, I rarely have a poem that just pops into my mind that fits together well like that, so that's good. I'm glad you enjoyed it.