Please read section one of this lecture before continuing, and complete any tasks it sets.
THA DUCKMAN'S GUIDE TO POONTANG
Section II
The phrase "Bitches be crazy" exists for a reason. It is because bitches are indeed crazy. But like may things, there exists a sliding scale, and all bitches be on it.
The scale is thus:
http://i45.tinypic.com/317bncy.jpg
This was designed by the least crazy woman on Earth. Note that it makes no sense, this is important.
Ladies will use one or more tactics to achieve their goal, and all of these tactics are interchangable and subject to change at any time. They are part of the hive mind of femdom, and so once a change is made, it applies to all females. Due to their inability to get along with each other (SEE: If Females Ruled The World, Section III), there is forever a mental tug-of-war, which often results in even more crazy.
The most used tactic is called "The Hard-To-Get." Many men assume this means that the female is playing a game where he must try harder. In fact, it means that the female is hard to understand, or "Get."
Invariably, the female will forget what is going on, partially remember and mix up her memories with episodes of Gray's Anatomy, and follow a different tactic. Do not be offended if she calls you the name of a character from the show, she may be having a stroke and ironically needs medical attention.
Some men use a form of learning called "I Told You So." This is futile for several reasons:
1) She will not remember this.
2) She will remember it as something different.
3) You can not teach ottomans.
4) You are not called McSteamy, so she doesn't pay attention to you anyway.
Cracking the female linguistics code requires years of learning and a lobotomy with Brad Pitt scenes stuffed where the brain was. I have studied men who have tried the understanding of a woman, and have discovered that when a girl refers to her ex, she is in fact:
1) Telling you to beat him up.
2) Telling you how totally bad ass he was.
3) Asking you if you want a threesome with him.
There may be more, but men die soon after finding the fourth reason due to massive hemorrhaging.
All men will, at one point in their lives, meet a crazy girl, because they are all crazy. Preperation for sex changes involves actual brain replacement surgery and nothing else.
Getting what they want is the number one thing for a female. As they do not know what they want, as we have learned, the end result is like ****** yourself repeatedly, then filing suit against your own hand and the ghost of Buddy Holly. And you win. Because girls always win, even when they don't. They win by default. Not because they are right, which they always are, but because argument and sense means nothing.
Yossarian lives.
