Support

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-02-2008, 07:40 PM

My boyfriend's mom was found dead this morning.

She and I were really close, and I haven't talked to him today.

This is really hard.

HumanePain · 08-02-2008, 07:46 PM

I am so sorry to hear that Crimson. Check your PM.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-02-2008, 07:50 PM

Thank you so much Humane.

It's been really hard around here.

It's been called a "suspicious death" by a newspaper. The police wouldn't tell me anything, and I'm not supposed to tell anything anyway.

HumanePain · 08-02-2008, 07:54 PM

What is your boyfriend doing, is he with you or is he at home? Does he have any support now? Losing one's mother is terribly devastating.

Renatus · 08-02-2008, 08:18 PM

Please take my sincerest condolences and also extend them to your boyfriend. I only wish I could be there to hug both of you.

TurquoiseXx · 08-02-2008, 08:56 PM

I'm sorry that you and your boyfriend have to go through this Crimson. I'm not too good with these types of things, but I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts.

Godslayer Jillian · 08-02-2008, 10:45 PM

Damn, but we won't ask you about details, don't worry. It would be too morbid.

Johnny Gnar Gnar · 08-02-2008, 11:09 PM

Sorry to hear. These guys were here for me when shit went down in my life a couple years ago. All I can hope is that we will all be here for you. Feel free to get in touch with any of us, I'm sure all of us will lend a friendly ear if needed.

AngelikDemonik · 08-03-2008, 02:21 AM

I'm really sorry to hear that, Crimson. You and your boyfriend's family are in my thoughts. Take care.

Minyaliel · 08-03-2008, 02:32 AM

Yeah, that really sucks. My sympathies.

Signe · 08-03-2008, 02:57 AM

I'm sorry, I suppose there is nothing harder than losing someone you care about.

Peace and love and baby bunnies

Underwater Ophelia · 08-03-2008, 05:24 AM

The only thing I can tell you to help is don't forget that things WILL be all right.
People are tempted to just let things go when a death occurs, but you can't do that, and I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted that.

Also, though you probably already know this, make sure you're there for your boyfriend. It hurts for you, but his whole world is coloured differently.

MollyMac · 08-03-2008, 07:25 AM

Brains are reeling at this point, keep your eyes on pragmatism to maintain a modicum of order and routine to keep yourself sane. Sounds silly, but you need some mental thing to cling to when things start to sink. Keep distracted by what needs to be done right now, let go of the speculation, the suspicions, and focus on what is real- what happens next, your boyfriend's grief and yours, and take care.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-03-2008, 08:36 AM

Thank you all so much for your support. It means a lot.

I'm not allowed to talk to my boyfriend right now, but if I could I know I would try to comfort him as much as I could. I know it's hard on me, and I feel selfish for letting this get to me as much as it has. I feel bad because I hate to know how he feels, because it was his mom.

I just hope the police find something out soon.

MollyMac · 08-03-2008, 08:45 AM

You aren't being selfish, so let that bullshit thought go. You're hurting because you knew her and she means something to you, because she is your boy's mother and he is hurting at this. It is not being selfish to hurt and have it get to you. The last thing you need right now is to be hard on yourself. It accomplishes nothing. Stop it.

Frankly, if it didn't get to you- that would be worse.

Feel what you feel, be there for him when you can. But take care of yourself, though- you will not be any good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-03-2008, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MollyMac

You aren't being selfish, so let that bullshit thought go. You're hurting because you knew her and she means something to you, because she is your boy's mother and he is hurting at this. It is not being selfish to hurt and have it get to you. The last thing you need right now is to be hard on yourself. It accomplishes nothing. Stop it.

Frankly, if it didn't get to you- that would be worse.

Feel what you feel, be there for him when you can. But take care of yourself, though- you will not be any good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself.

Thanks Molly. It's just hard, because I want to make sure I can be there for him when he needs me. But I understand that I need to feel the pain, you're right about that.

She was a wonderful woman.

And now people are spreading rumors saying my boyfriend shot his mother...

Which just makes me so angry.

MollyMac · 08-03-2008, 08:53 AM

Let it go. Rumors are rumors, and people are mean (I am proof of that, right?). Whatever happened, happened, and the facts will surface in time and through more trustworthy channels. Just don't let the rumors and bullshit get to you (and sadly, you can expect the speculation and shit to grow in the coming days. People do so love a good gossip to a tragedy... try to isolate yourself from anything that is not fact and that is not ringing as true to you. If it is not being honest and helpful to the situation at this time, then it is not for you)- channel it into something more solid in the meantime, something not destructive to yourself or anything else, save maybe a punching bag.

I am really sorry you and your boyfriend are going through this, though. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-03-2008, 08:57 AM

A punching bag sounds like a good idea.

Maybe I should go to my dojo and pound on one for a bit.

I'm just more worried about my boyfriend hearing the rumors, he just lost his mom, and it would hurt him so much to hear crap like this.

MollyMac · 08-03-2008, 09:04 AM

I understand that, but in the meantime it seems you are not allowed to talk to him. Only so much you can really do, and that suck for so many reasons.

BUT, hopefully that means that he may be immune to hearing this shit for a bit. Hopefully that means he is somewhat shielded while the investigation is going on. That's about the best silver lining I can offer.

But that's just how it is for right now. Don't dwell on what you cannot do (within reason), and try to sort out what you can do in the meantime. If that's crying it out into a pillow for an hour, screaming at the top of your lungs, or runnin guntil you can barely breathe- get the primal part out, get the part that is raw and hurts and needs to be unleashed so you can clear your head of it and get on to more practical aspects of this. Then focus on what you can do....

Get thee to the dojo, it will do you a world of good. Amazing how much clearer your head will be after a few warm-ups and crosses.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-03-2008, 09:20 AM

Yeah, I have karate class tomorrow. It might do me some good, except not seeing my boyfriend there might be a little hard.

I feel like I want to scream. It sucks so much not being able to talk to him. But I know I can't. And, when I can, I know I won't breathe a word of these rumors, because I wouldn't do that to him.

MollyMac · 08-03-2008, 09:25 AM

I don't know, part of me says to "warn" him that people are saying shit so he can be mentally prepared; and part of me says to spare him the crap altogether and stick to the facts of the matter. That whole "someone who tells you of an insult, insults you a second time" thing.

I do not envy you this, hard calls all around.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-03-2008, 09:27 AM

It is a hard call, I don't think I would tell now, if I could talk to him, but maybe later on when things are....I don't know how to say this, more calm I guess.

It's a very hard thing to have to decide.

MollyMac · 08-03-2008, 09:30 AM

No shit. I just hope none of the rumor crap reaches him... just do both of yourselves a favor and remember who was perpetuating the rumors for future reference. Good indicator as to who you can live without happily.

Jaye Jang · 08-03-2008, 02:03 PM

CCT

*HUGS* To you and your boyfriend. Major, underlined, bolded and in large font size. We're here for you if you need some support. Just keep us posted.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-03-2008, 04:05 PM

Thank you Jaye.

Her autopsy was completed today according to the paper. Now we're just waiting on some more answers.