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Old 05-11-2005, 01:37 AM   #551
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What did i do today. i came back from the airport got home unpacked and came on-line to say i'm back from my holiday to you all. :P
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Old 05-11-2005, 09:28 AM   #552
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well - welcome back, g.
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Old 05-14-2005, 11:47 AM   #553
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Yeah... saw a shitload of limos out last night. Must be that time. You best get a picture of yourself all dressed up before you head out, X!
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Old 05-14-2005, 01:10 PM   #554
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OOoOoOooOooOOOooOoOO

Mayybe she'll wear a sexzie corset?

Please Xng?

We love you long time!


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Old 05-15-2005, 08:05 AM   #555
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This is what I've done in the past few days. I was answering Teapot in the poetry thread when I noticed I might as well put this here too:

A while back "she" hurt me, again.
She hurt me and I swore vengeance.
I sent her Tstone and EPS' poems in a letter I wrote (let her try and say anything about the quality of my friends after that.)
I also told her that her going back to her ex was going to be a mistake she'd regret. I told her those attempts of ressuscitating something dead were futile, as the spasms were post mortem, and that she'd better bury it, 'cause to me, it already began to smell.
I also told her I was going to make sure the memory of me would haunt her as much as she haunted me. This of course, meant war...
I'm in love with her and she knows it. She's in love with me and won't admit it to herself? I'm not having that...

Anyways, she broke up with him (hopefully for good) about a day or so after she read the letter with my words, Tstone's and EPS', and told me she wanted to be alone. I told her I wanted the same.

I finally saw her again 2 nights ago in Lisbon. We sat in a bar with my kid sister and a very good friend we both have in common (me and she, not my sis).
We talked about everything except what was on in our minds, like polite, if somewhat distant friends might do. We basically waltzed around each subject, reading between the lines, understanding from what wasn't said as well as what was.
The guy went home and my sister went to see Laurent Garnier (along with Carl Cox, the best DJ's in the world[bitch]).
Anyway, SHE had to work in the morning and it was getting late, so I walked her to her car and was saying goodbye when she leaned back against her car and asked if I didn't have time for a cigarette.
I said sure.
I gave her one of mine, lit one for myself and thought the silence was gona be deafening soon, but I'd be damned if I'd blab like an idiot to fill up the void.
She asked me when I was heading North again. Tomorrow - I said - I've done all I came here to do (pay a traffic violation fine). Anyway, you and I need time to find ourselves, regroup, decompress or whatever term they're using these days. You are as yet unfit to be loved, and I have to concentrate on other priorities in my life, like paying my own bills, turning my flat into a home and actually try to set some money aside to spend on myself, like taking a proper vacation, 'cause right now, I don't need a vacation from myself anymore. I'm sick of running away and that's not what I'm doing. I like you a lot(in pt, when we say love, it ain't like "I love chocolate", but more like "I want our souls to be as one", so I didn't want to push it. I like you a lot is very strong in my language and is only said to intimate friendsm which we are not [frinds]). I adore you. I want you to be happy. If it means you stay alone or with someone else, so be it.
But I'm not gonna call you up every couple of days whithout anything susbstantial to say or add about my life other than the constant thought of you. And when I do tell you, you laugh it off and call me melodramatic, although it's you who calls meat 5am on a week night to hear my voice, te hear me say it's going to be alright.
It hurts me when you dismiss me like that, even though you do it to protect your feelings, it makes me feel like I'm some kind of psycho harboring an obssession for 5 years, instead of the truth we both know to be, but that we don't dare whisper to ourselves because it is not yet time. I won't call you to tell you I'm coming to Lisbon to visit some friends, when I know I'll be at Disorder or Tocsin (http://clubdisorder.no.sapo.pt/ + http://www.tocsinclub.com/) looking for you like I always do. It's not fair to you and it's not fair for me either. I feel like calling you often to know how you're doing, but if I can't abide by a simple request like letting you catch your breath, what kind of respect or trust will you ever have for me? Look, just unlock your car, give me a hug and drive away. My legs are shaking as it is and I've got a long walk back to my car.

We held eachother for a while, then I kissed her goodbye (in pt, friends of the opposite sex kiss eachother on both cheeks when meeting and parting) on her brow. I ran my fingers by the back of her neck and through her hair and kissed her cheeks. I kissed the corner of her mouth.~
I couldn't help myself and I stole a kiss.
She held me tighter, kissed me back and stole my heart again. (she keeps doing that, the little thief).

I watched her drive away, turned around and took about half an hour to walk a couple of blocks back to my car, even though I was walking on air.

My mobile rang while I drove home.

I never answer the phone when I'm driving, but I knew it was her and I knew it wasn't to tell me she got home alright:

-There's something I have to tell you...

-Is there?...

-I got home alright...

-Is that all?

-No... ... ... ...look... ...What are you afraid I might say?

-I'm afraid you might say I shouldn't have stolen a kiss from you again. I'm afraid you might say you're going back to him. I'm afraid you might say you're already with him again. I'm afraid you might say you never want to see me again. I'm afraid you might say you think we best remain friends (which we never were or will be anytime soon). I'm afraid you hurt me again when I just stopped bleeding.

-I couldn't say that. It wouldn't be true. You know I don't lie... ...and that's not the way I feel at all. We both know that. There's still something left unsolved between us (for some reason, "This Town Ain't Big Enough for Both of Us" by Siouxsie came to mind)... ...Still,, I don't know what you think that kiss meant, but I don't want you to assume we're together because of it either.

-I know. You think I want to hurt like last time again? But I'm not sorry. I don't regret it and won't apologize for it. I know you're vulnerable, but so am I, and we're both to blame.

-It's still to soon for me.

-I know. I'm not ready either, but it's you I want and I know it and so do you... (I couldn't believe I had just said that)

-Can you wait?

-...Huh? ...?! ...I've been waiting for years!... I can wait... I can wait for as long as it takes, remember? (DM: "Gonna take my time, I have all the time in the world, to make you mine, it is written in the stars above...")
I'll call you soon. Soon...

-Soon... (private gbye and it makes sense in pt)



That was 2 nights ago.

I visited a very old friend from way back in Australia the next day. He just got back from a teaching contract in Luanda, Angola and I spent all day with him and his family.
Went home tired from playing with his kid all day and went straight to bed.
She calls me. It's 2am (we're both insomniacs, but I'm tired). We talk some more.
She's always in a defensive stance. I can't begin to imagine the pain that birthed so much timidity camouflaged by pride. I try to talk to her in the way one tries to soothe a wounded animal. I notice she's doing the same and that I'm as wounded as she.
We hang up and I feel great, but sleep won't come now for quite a while longer... ...and the bed sheets now resemble something PT Barnum would come up with...

Woke up today and packed my things to drive to my hometown (where I grew up, 'cause I was born in Africa), I decided I'd give her flowers before I went. I didn't find any I liked, so I went to the grocer's and bought her cherries instead.
I dropped them on her window sill (she's not a morning person either. She looks like Nefertite but acts like sleeping beauty).
My mobile rings as I'm driving away:
-(amused tone)What are you doing coming to my house this early in the day?

-You called me last night when I was asleep, remember? You give me insomnia, I wake you up at dawn (it was 11am). That's how it works. (we laugh) Go back to bed and bon appetit... bye, see you soon... soon...

-Soon... (we've been saying it for about 5 years, so "soon" is about due

Maybe I'll call to ask how she liked them cherries...



Wot? :shock:
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Old 05-15-2005, 09:56 AM   #556
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Mael, I'm....speechless. I don't know if you were aiming for it, but that was beautifully written.

And I hope things work out between the two of you.
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Old 05-15-2005, 10:26 AM   #557
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Two nights ago Iw as asked out by a 35 year old. I didn't realize howold he was when he asked, so I considered it (which was a mistake, since I know that hte only men who wantme are hte ones who could be my father), and I was a little freaked out at the thought.

So I came home at one inhte morning, and had my former boyfriend's siter tell him to get his arse on AIM so I could talk to him.

Which he did.

Now, since he asked for somespace, we haven't talked about anything buthte superficial,because neither of us wants to talk about howw e really feel,forone reason or antoher. I can't speakfor him, but I know that I dont'w ant to presure him to come back tome, and lose him altogether.

So I apologized first, and then asked him if he intended to ever pick our relationship up again. Because he said when he asked for space that he would, but he also said that he loved me very much the day before he told me that he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore, and he'd said that he wanted to be firends, still, even though we don't work as friends anymore, and we both know it.

But, anyway, I thought it best to ask what he intended to do, because I'm sitll very much in love with him, and need to change that if he's not going to return the feeling, or if he does, then I'llwait.

So he said that he did intend to ask emtocome back,ifiwanted to,once he's fund a good job. Appatrntly his current employment situation makes himtoo stressed out to handle talking to me, since I tend to be very stressed as well, and need to talk about it to feel better, and tend to talk abou it with him more than anyone else. I guess it'd be hard for anybody tolisten tosoemne, even someon they love, whine so much.

But anyway, that made me happy the next day, for the first time since we broke up.

Up until the point the 35 year old who asked me out calledme.

At which point i was angssting over what todowith that situation.

And everyone at work has a bad attitude, especially the girl I always work with, Sherry. Our manager put in his two week's notice, so he doesn't give a damn, and nobody's happy to be employed at McDonalds.

And the 35 year old wanted to talk to me on my one break of the night.

So I somehow managed tonot kill anyone or cry until my break later that night. I told the guy I couldn't go out with him because he's twice my age, and, honestly, we can't even talk to each other.

Soworkwent on as usual, except the guy had work that night, so he hung out inthe dining room the whole time.

And that's been my weekend.

Bit more eventuful than usual. Shall have to get my old job back. Answering the phoens was a lot easier than this crap, and at least the 30+ year olds who want to get some barely legal booty were more interresting.

This is probbal the longest post I've ever made.
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Old 05-16-2005, 05:59 AM   #558
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I woke up in the embrace of my loved one =) and we did some more kissing etc. in the bed. After which I took her home and I went to the faculty, where I am now (in the PCLAB). Gonna be going out tonight to some cave near my house, and take some pictures... you wouldn't belive me if I told you why I need pictures of myself in a cave so screw it...
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Old 05-16-2005, 09:36 AM   #559
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Lemme guess GIGA: you're giving your girlfriend that book MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS and want to illustrate that bit about men retreating into their caves.....


What do you mean, no? :evil:
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Old 05-16-2005, 02:50 PM   #560
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Forgive me if this post is a lil incoherent, guys.

I got my tubal ligation done today, a few hours ago. It's a simple outpatient procedure. i didn't say anything beforehand, I didn't want y'all to worry. The operation went smoothly and I'm back home. Just thought I'd let everyone know. I'll holler at you people later.

I'm so sleepy.

:o
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Old 05-16-2005, 05:23 PM   #561
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Hey Wolfmammy, who in the hell do you think you are, little missy? If ya get a blister, we want to know immediately, let alone undergo surgical procedures (no matter how minor) without our prior consent, prayers and allover whining and sympathyzing?

We're like the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Protection of Animals)= FOR ALL CREATURES, GREAT AND SMALL!Capische? (love that word 8) )

Just 'cause Alkilyu nearly went to hell too soon :twisted: , doesn't mean we can't care or concern ourselves with your well being as well as that Wolverine-wannabe (notice how both got titanium implants and dig nipp chicks?). Capische? (I'm overdoing it, am I not? )

So, now that I've told ya off, tell us all about your amazing fertility that makes ya go preggers everytime you take yer knickers off, so that you have to get your hellspawning bits into a knot ....
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Old 05-17-2005, 02:43 AM   #562
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i started a second job yesterday and i'm heading out in a minute for my second day of orientation.

aaah... inner city emergency room psych. take a deep breath - is that the fresh scent of springtime in the air?

no, of course not. it's the crusted shit of a homeless, drunken bum. christ - go ask someone else for a quarter, motherfucker. you're gonna make me puke.
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Old 05-17-2005, 05:08 AM   #563
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That love story of yours nearly killed me, Mael. I'm going through some vaguely similar (not including X'es or sex) thing with a girl who I definitely love like I have never loved anyone before. It's just so overwhelming, to feel like that after all the years of loneliness. I don't know how to reach out anymore...

Yeah, so basically, for the last few days I've been crying, not sleeping well, and thinking way too much.
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Old 05-17-2005, 11:00 AM   #564
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I woke up at 3:30 this morning, because my sleeping schedule is fucked up for some bizarre reason. And then I built a curio cabinet.

Me and power tools. Look out!

And then I got a wild hair, and made real lemon/limeade.
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Old 05-17-2005, 11:09 AM   #565
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I got yelled at some guy yesterday (and I've been shamelessly telling everyone the story). Well, I work at a video rental store and I asked this person if they wanted to pay their late fee which was 11.70. The person did and some time later, the father comes back and says that I'm stealing money from him, 12 dollars is a lot of money, and I'm going to call the cops if you don't give me back my money right now.

Man, that guy was a jackass!! I called my manager and we put a pin number on his account and he got his money back but what a douchebag. It didn't help that I was already feeling quite emotional. Man, I'm so freaking emotionally fragile.
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Old 05-17-2005, 11:27 AM   #566
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pitseleh
I'm going through some vaguely similar (not including X'es or sex) thing with a girl who I definitely love like I have never loved anyone before. It's just so overwhelming, to feel like that after all the years of loneliness. I don't know how to reach out anymore...
I know. I can still make eye contat, but I'll be damned if I go anywhere beyond that these days. Even when I got this gorgeous woman's e-mail last saturday, I still didn't e-mail the woman. What's the point - I thought - I still can't get HER out of my mind, so what's the use?

Tell her. Write to her. Talk to her. Tell her what you think and feel. The whole truth. If she still dismisses you, let go... 'cause then she's not what you thought her to be. Let it out of your system, or it will poison you from the inside. Let it out and let the chips fall where they may.

I only got her attention back when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and thought: enough, this means war. I'm not gonna be your lover in times of need. I'm not gonna be your shoulder when you have no one else. This is how I feel and you're gonna listen to me, for once.

Do like the old hebrews did. Get up, stand on a stool, brab your nuts and say: thank God I was born a man.
Once you realize you're a man, you're more likely to act like one (which is really what they want, because they already have gay friends for the sensitive bits).

Sorry for the machism. It ain't about not showing your feelings. Quite the contrary, it's having the guts to show your feelings for all they are. Bare yourself.

If she don't like it, come down South, Summer's coming and it's gonna be very good for palefaces like yours. Good luck, mate.
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Old 05-17-2005, 12:50 PM   #567
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xnguela
When we get the pics developed, I'll scan'em and stick'em on here!
You forgot to write "ASAP!""
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Old 05-17-2005, 01:21 PM   #568
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winged_dreams
I got yelled at some guy yesterday (and I've been shamelessly telling everyone the story). Well, I work at a video rental store and I asked this person if they wanted to pay their late fee which was 11.70. The person did and some time later, the father comes back and says that I'm stealing money from him, 12 dollars is a lot of money, and I'm going to call the cops if you don't give me back my money right now.

Man, that guy was a jackass!! I called my manager and we put a pin number on his account and he got his money back but what a douchebag. It didn't help that I was already feeling quite emotional. Man, I'm so freaking emotionally fragile.
Don't sweat it baby. Funny, I could have sworn I already replied to this.

Just take off that ugly pink windsheater, get rid of the wireframe glasses, get some proper smiths fan glasses (you know, as in Revenge of the Nerds, except you don't put scotch tape on them), and them you say:

FUCK YOU for not educating your child properly and fuck you for not learning about what you could have done to prevent your ignorant descendants from ripping you off your money when you don't take yourself through the trouble of bringing them up, you worthless douchebag.

Repeat after me: THE COSTUMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-17-2005, 01:59 PM   #569
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WhaT I Did Today

It's my birthday & I didn't do a damn thing... YET :twisted: KK
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Old 05-17-2005, 02:26 PM   #570
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Re: WhaT I Did Today

Quote:
Originally Posted by kymmykat
It's my birthday & I didn't do a damn thing... YET :twisted: KK
Before you create ANOTHER thread EXACTLY like threads that have been in existence for a long time please take a moment to read the ' For the Newbies ' thread in the General Forum..

It's generally a really good rule of thumb to look around and get a feel for things before jumping into something half-cocked and unprepared.

Plus we have better things to do than following you around with a broom and a dustpan Mmmkay?

Click on the link below and educate yourself before you do anything else please..

https://www.gothic.net/index.php?nam...ewtopic&t=2479
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Old 05-17-2005, 04:55 PM   #571
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i rode to the train on the back of the bus tonight, staring out at the various, colorful human forms gathered to create the city's living landscape. while stopped at a traffic light, i had the opportunity to take in the sights of our fellow man and this is what i saw - a frizzy-haired man with thick, black plastic, prison-issue glasses swaying back-and-forth while mumbling to himself actually started yelling at the bus while it rolled to a stop - or at least i think it was the bus he was yelling at. another man, beneath a rust-flaked bridge, glanced over his shouder while he pissed on the wall in front of a group of four brown-bag carrying men who looked like they were ready to gut him and eat him. they just sat and drank whatever was in their bags, though instead of moving to do what i believed to be their plan. across the street, a group of four FUBU-and-puma-wearing youths, fully decked out with their skull-caps and baggy pants, losse-fitting shirts draped inconspicuously over their waistbands chatted amicably while surveying the scene. one of them held a cell phone to his ear while another stared at his as though in disbelief. the other two laughed as though they'd just shared a funny joke. and an old woman in clothes that looked as though she'd just pulled them from an old, abandoned attic trotted down the street with a wire-wheeled basket in tow - chock full of plastic bags. here and there, "pimped-out" cars made their way to-and-fro. the heavy thump of multiple subwoofers could be felt despite the rumbling of the bus's engine.

the light changed from red to green and we were off, unfortunately moving too quickly after that to focus on the rest of the "community". i almost forgot how interesting it is to be in the "inner city".

we were cautioned today about walking outside the building if we were working the night shift. seems it's a bit unsafe. women were especially warned and strongly advised to call for a police escort. there's a police force in the hospital, so it's not a special call or any such nonsense.

i sat back after that and continued to read my book, which, by the way, sucks balls. i can't wait 'til it's done so i can toss it away.

on the other hand, the people who work at the hospital have a wonderful sense about them - those i've met anyway. and they're helpful and caring and kind. i like that.
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Old 05-17-2005, 07:49 PM   #572
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I dug a hole for myself...
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Old 05-17-2005, 07:56 PM   #573
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Should we assume this hole is figurative or did you really dig a hole?
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Old 05-17-2005, 08:09 PM   #574
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Quote:
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Should we assume this hole is figurative or did you really dig a hole?
Both, I used a shovel for one and my stupid mouth to dig another :cry: ,
I already climbed out of the 1st, as for the 2nd... ...I'll know by friday... :roll:
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Old 05-18-2005, 12:27 AM   #575
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Today, is one of m co-worker's birthday./ So we decided on an in-office party, and two of our team went fetch thebirthday cake. They were supposed to order a pastry variety cake. Butapparently they don't knw the difference between a well-made pastry and a cake with too much sugar. yes, the bought a cake with not only oversweetend icing, but also over-sweetend filling. BLEH!

I'm suffering from symptoms of a bad suagr rush. A horrible aftertaste on a sensitive tongue that no amount of water seems to cure. :shock: .

Meh! I now know how dogs feel.
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