Gothic.net News Horror Gothic Lifestyle Fiction Movies Books and Literature Dark TV VIP Horror Professionals Professional Writing Tips Links Gothic Forum




Go Back   Gothic.net Community > Boards > Literature

Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-01-2014, 02:14 PM   #1
mindless1
 
mindless1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 650
Platinum Regret

So my friend is writing a story based on real events, and wanted me to add 30 pages. So far this is all I could do since it is extremely painful to write about real life, and the death of a friend. Any input or suggestions to improve my writing would be great help.


Platinum Regret

… I remember when Jared set off my car alarm. He sent Lincoln to console my sobs and distract me from the fact that he had grabbed my computer and put it in the other car while the two were parked outside. “I heard he’s handing them out like candy,” Jared said while laughing in my car on the way to the burg. I pictured them huddled around the dude in a circle while he tossed the pills in the air to them and they went for them like pigeons to crumbs.

That’s when I finally stood up for myself. “No, I’m not driving you to -to go get these stupid Methadone pills!” I screamed. Jared responded by calling me a self-centered bitch and saying that I thought the world revolved around me. I began to sob and then tell him to pull over at Chris’s house who had become my friend.

Chris and his sister came out of the house, they tried to console me, while Jared took the initiative to seek revenge. He grabbed the new 1,800 dollar mac out of my book-bag, but the doors had been locked, so when Lincoln opened the door from inside through the window, it set off the car alarm and I ran back out.

Just then Lincoln walked up to me with her arms outstretched and gave me a huge. this distracted me momentarily, before she walked back to the car and they drove away. I looked in the backpack right after they left and I knew they had taken my laptop.

It took a lot of effort to convince them to give it back. Finally, after me and my friend tim went to the police and reported it, Lincoln’s sister called and said we could come pick it up. Me and tim drove to the house, un-helped by the officers who refused to help. Lincoln’s young autistic brother walked up carrying the mac in his hands. I didn’t feel relieved.

I just accepted it, and when I saw the note on the dollar general receipt I didn’t even cry. “You shouldn’t have killed your baby” It read in Jared’s chicken scratch writing. I had just had an abortion. My brother had dropped everything at school to come and talk me out of making the mistake of believing Jared’s Baptist propaganda that an abortion was a sin.

I was sinful, especially when I tried to break Lincoln out of her relationship with her then Heroin addict boyfriend by bringing up that she told me she didn't want him in her life which she had said earlier in the car as we went to get cigarettes “I’m thinking of giving him the knife” she said sarcastically, “He’s not right for me. He scares me Gretchen.”

Later I recall how I stood between them “She doesn’t need or want you anymore!” I shouted, but then he got angry, threw her onto the ground outside his yard and Lincoln cried then both of them were mad because I had tried to break them up, which I had. It had been a long episode of carelessness and poor decisions, but honestly it was the fact that I was with Lincoln that made everything ok, that makes me ok with being there and doing what I had been doing.

I was sitting outside his window, when Lincoln leaned in and we kissed. I didn’t want her boyfriend, like he always joked. I wanted her. I loved her. And I never wanted to have the party after I took Jared to his dentist’s appointment. I didn’t think it was a good idea from the get go, “No no come” Jared smiled and said over the Danni’s phone. “It’ll be like a party, we’ll buy booze and have fun” Of course they weren’t at her uncle’s house when we got there, because they were driving down from her mom’s house for Jared’s “party.”

Jared busted into the house while we waited and we saw a big pile of bleach crystals that Jared convinced us to try because he thought it was meth, and I recall thanking God I didn’t throw up like Jared and his little friend. I can still see the image clearly in my mind, the last time I saw Lincoln. She had just cut her hair. One by one, Jordon, John Brown, and Lincoln piled out of the back of her Uncle’s Truck. Her Uncle kept ranting about Lincoln stealing his ring, which must’ve been worth a lot. Apparently there were three rings, and her uncle and Jordon thought she had 2 of them. They bickered and then sent us to go get beer.

Jared complained, “why do we have to go get the beer? We’ve been waiting here for 2 hours!” So Jared and I went to retrieve some beer, the rest of the night is still fresh in my memory. Lincoln told us to go with Jordon because Jared was getting on her nerves. Jared was nagging her a lot about something, they would disappear then reappear. There was a safe in her uncle’s bedroom. Her uncle said someone had tried to break into the safe. I don’t remember seeing anyone go into his room. Then they were in the bathroom.

Now me Jared and Danni are waiting in a bomb shack of some trailer park for Jordon to see her boyfriend. This somewhat obese black woman is snorting Vyvanse and offers me some. I said that you can’t snort vyvanse, because i used to take it and I dissolved it in water to stay awake during our drive to Myrtle Beach. But she assured me I could, and she piled a line on the table and so I just did it. Then I was in the clear. I kept looking around at the wires and weird shit, they talked about weed. We might have also smoked some weed. Then Jordon finally came back, and we headed back to Lincoln’s cousin’s house. “She’s always gone” Lincoln said through the haze of marijuana smoke. I was uneasy, she was nodding off.

Then we went inside, and Lincoln started nodding off in the chair…then somehow she disappeared into her Uncle’s bedroom. He left the door open a crack, so I went to the door and looked in, she was laying on his bed and that’s when the alarm bells went off in my head. Then her uncle comes out with xanax and Jared breaks up a xanax and we split it between the three of us. Then we’re all sitting around the table in the kitchen adjacent to the bedroom in the house, and I remember just looking at them. Just looking and waiting for someone to say something, anything.
__________________
What?
mindless1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2014, 02:15 PM   #2
mindless1
 
mindless1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 650
I keep thinking, this is it you need to say something and I did. “Why is Lincoln in that man’s bed?” They didn’t answer. I saw eyes glazed over with a sort of absence that chilled me to the bone. I saw death in their faces. “That’s it we have to leave. i need to get home.” I had skipped class to come here, and I said I still had a chance if I went back and I had a doctor’s appointment. Jared said, just try to get some sleep. But i couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sit still. It was all just stupid. I argued with him.

Lincoln had said that it was her home there, that she had moved in and got everything she wanted, but said that her cousin was never around. I now realize that i had absolutely no idea of the situation, and if I had known the truth I would never have left. But i had to leave, and her uncle had locked the door to his room. Maybe I was disgusted with myself, with everything, I don’t really know. Maybe I was just really strung out on the stimulant and so I convinced them to come with me. I thought that if I didn’t leave then, and seeing how everyone was so fucked up, that none of us would make it back…at all…

I had a vision of us all piled in the car with Lincoln sitting across them and then…then what? I knew something was going to happen, I didn’t know what. I just wanted to avert it. I could focus well enough to drive, and then the cops pulled my car over for my headlight. Danni had a drink in the cup-holder. I looked to my right, and oddly I hadn’t even noticed it until that moment.

So I got out and was given a breathalyzer, and I had 0.0000, the cop let me go after the test, but gave Danni a citation…I thought we were lucky….I cursed Jared, you see. I cursed him for writing that note, for stealing my sense of happiness, for getting me to trade my soul his heroin. For preying on my emotions. I was doing it to protect myself, but in that curse I failed. Because I wanted Jared to destroy everyone around him until he realized the truth, and then I wanted it to destroy him. That’s how mad I was. So we threw a bottle with his name on it into the river, and then turned our backs on it, and him.

I didn’t think it would actually work… If only I could have just forgiven him, not by letting him tie the noose around my neck, but by tying the noose for him and watching him fall to his death. I didn’t want anyone but him to suffer for it. Damn-it, I didn’t even want him to suffer. I wanted him to be sorry to change to apologize to reconcile. The curse…it had three options. Either he’d see the light or the light would blind him so much he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore or he chose to continue doing what he did, and it was going to kill him.

He would die seeing what his actions had caused, all the suffering, all the torment would hurt so much it would kill him, literally. Lincoln wasn’t a part of that curse, but she was. She was his cousin, and what I realize now is that I’m just as guilty as he was. That I’m just as to blame as he was. That even if that curse is just a metaphor for what I knew was to come, that we shouldn’t be cruel to those we misunderstand--and compassion is the highest level of human expression. If Jared saved himself by destroying everyone around him, that was his choice. I gave him three paths and I told myself I wouldn’t stick around until he was truly sorry, but oh how he fooled me.

For he chose destruction and I chose to tell the truth. I chose to let the truth destroy him. It wasn’t out of revenge for what he had done, I cursed him out of fear of him hurting me anymore than he already had, I saw my life becoming merely a game-show host. He has told so many lies, and hurt so many people. Of all the people who were affected…. Lincoln had become his masterpiece. Now she is free from the bitterness, free from the pain, free from the madness, a flower in the falling rain...
__________________
What?
mindless1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2014, 04:02 PM   #3
Xombie
 
Xombie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: North Cackalacky
Posts: 2,044
Man, I thought it was going to be something about a poor choice regarding hair bleaching.
Xombie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:54 PM.