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Old 10-20-2011, 08:03 PM   #6576
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Kitty, your husband needs a second job.
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:11 PM   #6577
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I think he's in the military? I can't remember what he does.

Doobie - I have a friend a lot like that. He's embarrassing when he drinks so I generally stopped going out with him.
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Old 10-21-2011, 03:02 AM   #6578
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super big hugs MissC.
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Old 10-21-2011, 06:47 AM   #6579
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Originally Posted by MissCheyenne View Post
Mum's hair is nearly all gone now. I've started covering her head with a scarf, partly to make her feel a bit nicer and partly because people are starting to find it too distressing seeing her so frail and ill. She can't even stand up now, even with two people supporting her. She's so confused all the time, she doesn't know what day it is or anything now


I wish I could give you more support than internet hugs. But...

*Hugs
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Old 10-21-2011, 08:11 AM   #6580
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I wish I could give you more support than internet hugs. But...

*Hugs
I echo that, MissC. I remember when my brother went through this stage of the disease and treatment process as well. Despite her poor body state I pray your Mum's mental state is doing well, and that she's able to smile and enjoy as much of life as possible. *more hugs*

Wolfie + Versus: Yes, DH is in the military. He does intel stuff. Sadly, he's had a genetic severe medical condition surface and his case will be brought to the Medical Review Board. The review will be a long process and we have no clue what the end result of their decision will be. It could range from honorable discharge with full benefits to getting no benefits. They may decide he should be dismissed immediately or they may let him stay in until his original retirement time (2018). We just don't know.

Then after he gets out of the military I have no clue if anyone will even want to hire DH when they find out how much work time he could potentially miss. DH is awesome at what he does and is a very devoted and hard worker when he is physically able to and when he's not able to he pushes himself to do it any way.

I am frozen at the thought of becoming the sole bread winner for this family. I want to run away with the girl and the cats and dog and go to my parents place to re-establish ourselves. A voice in my head keeps telling me lately that I should have gotten out of this marriage 'when I had a chance'.

wow, I feel a really rotten mood blowing in here.
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Old 10-21-2011, 04:06 PM   #6581
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I echo that, MissC. I remember when my brother went through this stage of the disease and treatment process as well. Despite her poor body state I pray your Mum's mental state is doing well, and that she's able to smile and enjoy as much of life as possible. *more hugs*

Wolfie + Versus: Yes, DH is in the military. He does intel stuff. Sadly, he's had a genetic severe medical condition surface and his case will be brought to the Medical Review Board. The review will be a long process and we have no clue what the end result of their decision will be. It could range from honorable discharge with full benefits to getting no benefits. They may decide he should be dismissed immediately or they may let him stay in until his original retirement time (2018). We just don't know.

Then after he gets out of the military I have no clue if anyone will even want to hire DH when they find out how much work time he could potentially miss. DH is awesome at what he does and is a very devoted and hard worker when he is physically able to and when he's not able to he pushes himself to do it any way.

I am frozen at the thought of becoming the sole bread winner for this family. I want to run away with the girl and the cats and dog and go to my parents place to re-establish ourselves. A voice in my head keeps telling me lately that I should have gotten out of this marriage 'when I had a chance'.

wow, I feel a really rotten mood blowing in here.
Miss K, you aren't the first person to feel that way about a potential show stopper in a relationship.

I felt that way when Mr Bat had his first hip transplant. I wasn't sure, after everything I'd been through, that I wanted to go through it with him.

At that stage, we'd had one hallmark year - one year where everything was great, where he could do physical things, and we were just a normal couple. Then he started having trouble walking, and after a few months and many misdiagnosis he was finally told he had AVN of the femurs and in his late 20's he needed hip replacements.

A GF recently had a chat to me about her husband who was waiting for a heart transplant and like me, she was about a year into it and was asking if she wanted to go through it.

You need to do what is best for you. While it's all noble and crap to stand by them, it's friggin' hard.

Really hard. Maybe get in touch with some careers who have relatives with the problem and see what they have to say about caring for someone with the problem.

Maybe you should just take Little Kitty and go to parents for awhile and ask yourself the tough questions.

Also have a talk with Mr Kitty about where your future will go and if you can put anything into place now to help ease the burden of you being the only breadwinner.

Can DH re-train now to do something that will be less physically taxing on him?

Think outside the square. PM me if you need to talk/rant/get something out of your system.

Good luck with your decision.
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Old 10-21-2011, 08:35 PM   #6582
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Kitty, geez, sorry I joked about the hubz needing a second job. I agree with Fru, though. You've gotta take care of yourself.
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Old 10-22-2011, 02:49 AM   #6583
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Carakitty, I don't have anything nice to say about your predicament so I won't comment on that, but I might be able to provide some insight concerning your husband's med-board. I'm not a PA or anything, but I've seen it happen enough to know how it generally goes.

Quote:
Separation without benefits. Separation without benefits occurs if the unfitting disability existed prior to service, was not permanently aggravated by military service, and the member has less than 8 years of Active Service (active duty days); or the disability was incurred while the member was absent without leave or while engaging in an act of misconduct or willful negligence. If the member has more than 8 years of Active Service, he/she may be medically retired (if eligible) or medically separated with severance pay, even if the condition was pre-existing or hereditary.
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Separation with severance pay. Separation with disability severance pay occurs if the member is found unfit, has less than 20 years of service, and has a disability rating of less than 30%. Disability severance pay equals 2 months basic pay for each year of service not to exceed 12 years (a maximum of 24 months basic pay). The member may also be eligible to apply for monthly disability compensation from the Veterans Administration (VA), if the VA determines the disability is "service-connected."
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Permanent disability retirement. Permanent disability retirement occurs if the member is found unfit, the disability is determined permanent and stable and rated at a minimum of 30%, or the member has 20 years of military service (For Reserve Component members, this means at least 7200 retirement points).
Quote:
Temporary disability retirement. Temporary disability retirement occurs if the member is found unfit and entitled to permanent disability retirement except that the disability is not stable for rating purposes. "Stable for rating purposes" refers to whether the condition will change within the next five years so as to warrant a different disability rating. However, stability does not include latent impairment--what might happen in the future. When placed on the Temporary Disability Retirement List (TDRL), the law requires the member to undergo a periodic medical reexamination within 18 months at a minimum followed by PEB evaluation. The member may be retained on the TDRL or a final determination may be made. While the law provides for a maximum tenure of 5 years on the TDRL, there is no entitlement to be retained for the entire period.
If the MEB says he's unfit, my guess is that he's unlikely to be given the option to re-class into a different MOS because the one he currently holds isn't physically demanding and he probably won't be able to stay in because the military is trying to draw down a ton, but I don't know the nature of his medical condition so I can't guess as to what percentage of disability the PEB would grant him, but they're generally pretty fair. If I remember, hearing loss accrued during service is 20%.
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Old 10-22-2011, 03:24 PM   #6584
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I've been really tired and stressed, mainly from having my days off being split and my schedule fluctuating from week to week, while Jake's has stayed the same (meaning no time off together). It was to the point that I called out sick on Monday as I could not bring myself to push through the one last day before my two scheduled days off. I got a call from work on that sick day, I was kind of angry with myself for even picking up the phone but all of that became pretty damn unimportant when my boss told me why she needed me to come in on Tuesday and would only get Saturday off this week.

My coworker Brooke's mom passed away. It was completely unexpected, she was healthy and at work earlier that day. As hard as it was when I lost my father at least I knew it was coming and I didn't have to deal with anything other than my grief, at 27 Brooke is the oldest of her siblings and her parents were divorced so all of the planning and paperwork has fallen to her. To top it all off her mom had no life insurance, no significant savings, and didn't own her home, so all of her assets combined didn't amount to the expense of the funeral.

The only upside to the whole thing is that even thought her parents were divorced her dad is still in the picture and will be, at least temporarily, taking custody of her 11 year old sister (her only other sibling is 22 and supporting herself) so at least Brooke doesn't have to worry about what will happen to her.
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:41 AM   #6585
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Do people really use all the words they put in those stupid GRE exams?
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:49 AM   #6586
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Geoluhread, your photography is cool.
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Old 10-23-2011, 10:35 AM   #6587
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Geoluhread, your photography is cool.


Seconded !!!.
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Old 10-23-2011, 02:54 PM   #6588
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Thank you Versus, and Beowulf

Again, rants go to how stupid I feel when I study for the GRE.
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:17 PM   #6589
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Kitty, geez, sorry I joked about the hubz needing a second job. I agree with Fru, though. You've gotta take care of yourself.
Ah I came across as an ass in my post. Hell, you know what CK, I'm still here, standing by my man, a decade+ later.

To give you some insight into our financial situation, we have a mortgage that if we had to live on my miniscule wage, we'd have to sell yesterday and lose a bundle of money.

Rents here are ridiculous, so we'd probably end up in a one bedroom flat in some shitty hell hole (because we don't have family to take us in), and that's assuming that I could find childcare for babybat in a hurry, because mr Bat couldn't look after him.

But you know what? Wherever Mr Bat is, is my home. I don't care if I have to live in a cave and wash in the river and work 100 hours a week. I'll do it.

But I'm a stupid romantic twat, who believes in the institute of marriage and I hang on in there when others would have gone running because a good guy is a good guy and worth hanging onto.

I'd like to think that hanging in here has made me into a better person, but there are times when it has felt like I've had enough and have considered walking many many times because it all got too hard and too much for me to deal with.

Plus I think it's pretty shitty to leave someone who has had their world turned upsidedown because of an illness they have had no control over.

I'd never let my personal opinion get in the way of what I think of someone else, because I've been there, done the hard yards, and I know how friggin' hard it is to watch the guy you love go through hell and then have your life turn upside down because he can't do the things he used to do and the worst thing is it's no one fault. You can't blame him because he didn't sign up for the disease and the only thing you can blame is the disease and that's part of who he is - so the whole blame game is fucked.

But you have to look after yourself first because at the end of the day you can't look after someone else if you are running on empty.

*climbs down off soapbox*
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Old 10-23-2011, 09:12 PM   #6590
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I think I know what's in the Gothic.net Paranormal Activity 3 "preparation pack."

1. A travel pillow
2. A good book to read
3. A piece of aluminum foil to chew on (to enhance the effect)
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Old 10-25-2011, 11:20 AM   #6591
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So anyway, my YouTube channel is going along as usual. It bothers me that one video is so popular while my most recently posted video is not getting any hits. I don't want to say what I think it is. Maybe I'm right, maybe wrong, but I think it is because I'm obviously wearing clothes.

People suck. I've tried figuring out what is making some vids more popular than others. You would think people would have other reasons to watch: music, humor, film noire essence.... I'm kind of annoyed.
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Old 10-25-2011, 11:32 AM   #6592
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So anyway, my YouTube channel is going along as usual. It bothers me that one video is so popular while my most recently posted video is not getting any hits. I don't want to say what I think it is. Maybe I'm right, maybe wrong, but I think it is because I'm obviously wearing clothes.

People suck. I've tried figuring out what is making some vids more popular than others. You would think people would have other reasons to watch: music, humor, film noire essence.... I'm kind of annoyed.
What's the linkage?
You know, if the opinion of a 12-year old matters to ya.
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Old 10-25-2011, 06:19 PM   #6593
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Make the house less of a priority, maybe. I think it's reasonable for your husband to want support paying for your school with his money. Just my two cents.
Oh V you are such a guy!

So Miss K leaves the dishes in the sink, and leaves the laundry to the end of the week, and doesn't bother taking the rubbish out.


And do you know what Miss Kitty has at the end of the week?

A sink full of dirty dishes, a laundry overload and rubbish hanging around the house, so it's going to take her 5 times as long to clean the house.

Sure Miss K should go out and get a job to pay for the loans, but on the same plate, Mr Kitty needs to pick up his fuckin' act and help out around the house!

I've worked full time, studied full time and still been expected to pick up/clean the house, why? Because men are lazy fuckers who will sit back and let the little woman do the work, because they say the same role modelling with their parents, and after all they have been to work all day, and heaven forbid if a woman doesn't work as hard as a man outside of the home.

And please don't give me that bullshit line of "well I have a different time scale for doing things than you do" because it's just a coverup for laziness. You see something that needs doing, you do it. If it was your favourite thing in the entire universe, you'd just do it.

On this topic, I was at a supermarket checkout talking to the lady behind the counter and she was saying that she had four kids and worked and her husband still expected her to do the domestic chores, so she did the only thing that made sense - she got rid of him.

And I'd hate to say this that there are going to be a lot more women out there, who are just going to say "You know what? I've had enough of this bullshit" and will just leave relationships (if they have them in the first place) because of the difference in housekeeping standards between men and woman.

I agree with her. Why pick up after someone who is old enough to pick up after themselves because of some stupid thing like love. You know us woman generally take care of the house, because it's a way of showing how much we love our man, but when our men don't return the gesture (even by cleaning off their food scraps before they put their plate on the sink- instead of in the dishwasher) it really pisses us off.

And I'd like to say that I think Ben is the only guy on this forum who has mentioned that he keeps house, so he's excluded from my generalisations.

Fuck I'm as mad as a cut snake today... and just as venomous. (sp?)
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Old 10-25-2011, 06:42 PM   #6594
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What's the linkage?
You know, if the opinion of a 12-year old matters to ya.
To which one the one that no one is even watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCB9v-y1ADg

Or the only anyone seems to watch even though it was posted years ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVwDNXlUH9c

Ya, there it is...
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Old 10-25-2011, 07:11 PM   #6595
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I agree with her. Why pick up after someone who is old enough to pick up after themselves because of some stupid thing like love. You know us woman generally take care of the house, because it's a way of showing how much we love our man, but when our men don't return the gesture (even by cleaning off their food scraps before they put their plate on the sink- instead of in the dishwasher) it really pisses us off.
Please don't presume to speak for all women. I take full responsibility for the give-and-take balance within my marriage. Perhaps because of this, it's pretty damn even. I take serious offense to being lumped into a group of women who keep house after a man while bitching about it as though they weren't making a choice to do so. If it makes you happy, by all means, go for it. If it doesn't, it's your responsibility to make a change. If it doesn't, and you won't - don't assume all women choose the same way. I'm with V on this one.
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:19 PM   #6596
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Interesting stuff brought up here for me to think about and respond to, but tomorrow. I need to get to bed because of the early day tomorrow. After Mr. Kitty + the Kitten are dropped at the airport I will have four whole days to think and do forums and get caught up on house work and hopefully get hired at a job! I'm really looking forward to it being just me + the critters.
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:53 PM   #6597
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To all drug users!

You all seem to be pretty reasonable people, but in case any of you have ever had this thought enter your head...It is NEVER cool, funny, or acceptable to fuck with people's drugs without thier knowledge. When someone buys a joint, they expect it to be fucking cannabis, MAYBE with a little tobacco. So to whoever that motherfucker is who sold me that joint laced with blow: FUCK YOU. I had to go to work the next day and that fucking thing kept me up til 7am.

Remember kids, only accept drugs from people you know and trust. FUCK.
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Old 10-26-2011, 06:33 AM   #6598
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Oh V you are such a guy!

So Miss K leaves the dishes in the sink, and leaves the laundry to the end of the week, and doesn't bother taking the rubbish out.


And do you know what Miss Kitty has at the end of the week?

A sink full of dirty dishes, a laundry overload and rubbish hanging around the house, so it's going to take her 5 times as long to clean the house.

Sure Miss K should go out and get a job to pay for the loans, but on the same plate, Mr Kitty needs to pick up his fuckin' act and help out around the house!

I've worked full time, studied full time and still been expected to pick up/clean the house, why? Because men are lazy fuckers who will sit back and let the little woman do the work, because they say the same role modelling with their parents, and after all they have been to work all day, and heaven forbid if a woman doesn't work as hard as a man outside of the home.

And please don't give me that bullshit line of "well I have a different time scale for doing things than you do" because it's just a coverup for laziness. You see something that needs doing, you do it. If it was your favourite thing in the entire universe, you'd just do it.

On this topic, I was at a supermarket checkout talking to the lady behind the counter and she was saying that she had four kids and worked and her husband still expected her to do the domestic chores, so she did the only thing that made sense - she got rid of him.

And I'd hate to say this that there are going to be a lot more women out there, who are just going to say "You know what? I've had enough of this bullshit" and will just leave relationships (if they have them in the first place) because of the difference in housekeeping standards between men and woman.

I agree with her. Why pick up after someone who is old enough to pick up after themselves because of some stupid thing like love. You know us woman generally take care of the house, because it's a way of showing how much we love our man, but when our men don't return the gesture (even by cleaning off their food scraps before they put their plate on the sink- instead of in the dishwasher) it really pisses us off.

And I'd like to say that I think Ben is the only guy on this forum who has mentioned that he keeps house, so he's excluded from my generalisations.

Fuck I'm as mad as a cut snake today... and just as venomous. (sp?)
Um. What the fuck?

I said "make it less of a priority." Where the fuck do you get all that from? My meaning was "There's no reason the two of you can't share the house." I assume that she does it exclusively because she doesn't work, not because she's a fucking woman.
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Old 10-26-2011, 03:40 PM   #6599
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Statistically speaking even in households where women are the primary breadwinners they still do more than half of the housework. It isn't true in all households and the data gets a little fuzzy when you start talking about stay at home dads. You may not have meant anything by it her post didn't just come from nowhere.
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:16 PM   #6600
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You all seem to be pretty reasonable people, but in case any of you have ever had this thought enter your head...It is NEVER cool, funny, or acceptable to fuck with people's drugs without thier knowledge. When someone buys a joint, they expect it to be fucking cannabis, MAYBE with a little tobacco. So to whoever that motherfucker is who sold me that joint laced with blow: FUCK YOU. I had to go to work the next day and that fucking thing kept me up til 7am.

Remember kids, only accept drugs from people you know and trust. FUCK.
Most people wouldn't have complained.

I wouldn't have mixed the two, personally, because I dislike the effects of pot.
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