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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
04-11-2007, 10:58 AM
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#1
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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The White
Wrapped abound in pristine white I see,
The color of honor. No, the color of ghosts.
They will not leave and visit me in my dreams
To shame me for my lack of bravery.
Do you want me to die? Is that my purpose,
To blow out the candle before it even burns?
The burden of shame is heavy enough
Without your haunting blame of cowardice.
Imagine carrying this truth and at the same time,
Being bound into servitude with no reward.
There is no end to this nightmare,
Only a continuation of regret.
It seems God found it right to create
A special circle of Hell for me.
I am in Hell and death is not a necessity.
There are no angels for me here
To take away these shameful tears.
SO IT IS MY FAULT AND I AM SORRY!!
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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04-11-2007, 09:19 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 60
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*looks around*
Nobody else seems to be commenting, perhaps fearing to offer literary criticism on what might be too personal.
However, since it is in this section, I will give it a shot.
I see a lot of nice, quiet metaphors. Some are not particularly original (life as a candle, etc) but nonetheless are very fitting in the context.
Then you wrote a rough hewn shout of pain at the end; it is more powerful for the jarring contrast.
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04-12-2007, 11:00 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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Thanks, Whispertwist.
A whole hell of a lot of my poetry is like that. It is very personal, but style and grammar aside, I think I can take criticism on. Actually, after you mention the whole candle part, it gave me an idea to work with something less cliche'. Thanks for giving it a shot. I rarely get commentary on my work and it's refreshing.
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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04-13-2007, 08:48 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 574
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I did like this poem.
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I'm sorry, I did not mean to throw up on your shoe.
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04-13-2007, 09:24 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: a house
Posts: 319
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i like much(pardon the gramer im way to hyper)
__________________
proud to be a furry
love me or hate me i wont change
the eyes are the windows to the soul, are you afraid of what you see?
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05-10-2007, 07:03 PM
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#6
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Flushing, NY
Posts: 3,206
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An admirable job on a difficult topic. I once wrote a poem in a similar vein entitled, "12/8/80". Perhaps I should post it here.
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05-12-2007, 04:20 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 1,888
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Very nice job Kontan. Seeing as how it gives off a feeling of sadness, I bestow upon you an e-hug. *administers vicious hug*
Keep up the awesome work! Maybe you should record it so we could here you recite it? This would make me happy, and I'm certain that other g-netters would love to hear it as well.
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Harry
A prank a day keeps the dog leash away - Jello Biafra
I want your skulls! I NEED your skulls! - Misfits
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05-12-2007, 10:09 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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That would be a bit of a stretch...
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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06-02-2007, 12:48 PM
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#9
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 177
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That was great.. I love what you are expressing and how you expressed it. I thought it was awesome. Great job.
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