Men who care more about their dicks than their Girlfriends.

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Joker in the pack: “ EITHER KEEP YOUR LIPS OFF HIS DICK OR DON'T FUCKING COMPLAIN.”
I actually found this last sentence to be pretty effing funny (for some reason) I lol’d at it.

ChelseaGirl: Thank you very very much for responding. I’m very sorry for your experience. It sucks, I know. It seems like this is sooooo common I know so many girls who have similar experiences and it can just make me hate the world sometimes. Do you feel “healed” or “over it”? If you don’t want to talk about it here you can PM me, if you don’t want to talk at all its still okay.
My boy friend is 19 almost 20.

You said :
“It made me feel like he was trying to take advantage and violate me - I was associating it with the past issue of being sexually violated....it brings out that terror/desperation/confusion/anger that you felt when you were being abused, and you end up connecting the two actions subconsciously “
I agree with this a lot. I kinda thought something like this vaguely before, but when you posted it, I thought you hit the nail on the head. I would never tell him I was associating him with the past because I think that might be insulting. He is no where near a bad person. He would never do shit like that. But he did definitely trigger some of those old feelings. I felt the same type of fear but to a lesser extent. I felt like he cared more about his physical needs than me, which is how I feel about the bastard who molested me. I know its and unfair association. I just feel like anyone with sexual desire for me wants to **** me. And I intellectually understand that its not true, but I cant help but feel that way. I love him so much but when he is touching me or trying to move a little farther (sexually speaking) I just feel trapped. I want to scream, it makes me feel like I’m drowning. It just makes me feel horrible. I kinda feel like I should just have sex with him. My train of thought will go something like “ well, I’m not really a virgin anyways, what does it matter, I’m not saving anything” . I realize how stupid that sounds but sometimes I think it. I have learned to ignore some of my stupider “weak little girl” thoughts like that one. When I’m uber depressed I start to think that way, and I realize its me being self destructive. I’ve read that I need to “realize and assert my self worth“. And I think saying no is asserting it in some ways.
I just don’t understand how I am supposed to get past the physical reaction of fear I have? How can I help it? I cant control how much fear I feel when someone is trying to be intimate with me.

Example of what happens : I feel slightly uncomfortable, embarrassed.
And then I start feeling like I should run away. I want to say something but I cant. I get really nervous and feel like I’m going to throw up. My heart pounds really fast and I think I might pass out. My chest aches like someone’s sitting on it I cant breathe. By now her realizes there’s something wrong and he tries to talk to me. I feel a strong amount of hate towards him, but I realize its not really towards him but the situation. I still cant calm down even once he’s stopped. I go sit in the bathroom alone. I still feel really physically sick. I’m angry and scared. I squeeze my eyes shut and dig my nails into my knees. I talk to myself say things like “ I am in control, everything will be okay” in a mantra like fashion (which helps).
And that’s how I react to almost nothing at all. He’s got me to take my top off a few times cuz he likes touching/looking at me, which I don’t think is a big enough deal for me to have such a reaction but I do. I can only imagine how much worse I’d feel If I actually let him fuck me…. Ughhhh that would be horrible…

…. Its sooo much easier to date girls… I don’t have any of these issues with them… but w/e.

I’ll sort it out..

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

I'm ok with that.

They are.
In what way is that relevant?

I wasn't really concerned with your replies to me, but thanks for taking the time to tell me all of this.

Also, I have no desire to be any nicer than I am, because you might notice I'm not actually all that mean. If you recall, I never insulted you.

Allllso, I do consider people's feelings before opening my mouth. I don't think most of what I say is that hurtful.
If you're hurt by me saying you're wrong, that's a problem within yourself.
You either disagree and move on because you believe strongly that you did right, or you agree and so there is no conflict.

If someone tells you that what you said hurts them, then it hurts them. You aren't challenging them in a helpful way at that point, or really thinking about them at all; you are only focused on yourself, and how -you- would deal with the situation.

You've had more than one person tell you that sometimes the things you say...or, more to the point, the way you put them...is less than helpful, so why do you continue in such a behavior?

You are always wanting others to drop everything and change the way they are instantly. Why not do the same, and actually be considerate of others for a change? It can't be THAT hard to be compassionate. :/

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

What I was arguing wasn't that people are born predisposed to a certain nature, merely that those who don't act exactly like Tam Li Hua aren't the product of a BAD AND WRONG environment.

Where did I say that they were definitely a product of an unhealthy environment? As I recall, I specifically said that it's one possibility among many.

If you don't like what I write, then put me on ignore, Gothicus.

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by BLEED REBELION!!!

Example of what happens : I feel slightly uncomfortable, embarrassed.
And then I start feeling like I should run away. I want to say something but I cant. I get really nervous and feel like I’m going to throw up. My heart pounds really fast and I think I might pass out. My chest aches like someone’s sitting on it I cant breathe. By now he realizes there’s something wrong and he tries to talk to me. I feel a strong amount of hate towards him, but I realize its not really towards him but the situation. I still cant calm down even once he’s stopped. I go sit in the bathroom alone. I still feel really physically sick. I’m angry and scared. I squeeze my eyes shut and dig my nails into my knees. I talk to myself say things like “ I am in control, everything will be okay” in a mantra like fashion (which helps).

This is very, very well documented, actually. It's PTSD--Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Please, read about some of the common reactions.


All of this equates to what I (and others) have already said: you need to seek professional help, in some fashion. Counseling, therapy, whatever. You need help and it doesn't make you weak to ask for it or admit that you need it. Please, before things get worse or spiral out of control, take some time to reevaluate your behavior and reactions to things--and, be honest with yourself. There's no shame in needing and accepting help. And, think of it this way, it can only get better. Right? -smile-

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

Where did I say that they were definitely a product of an unhealthy environment? As I recall, I specifically said that it's one possibility among many.

If you don't like what I write, then put me on ignore, Gothicus.

As I said before, you said it was a likely possibility. I am alleging that this is not the case. Read the post I made prior to that one for more information.

I could put you on ignore, or I could sweep the foundation from your citadel of fatuousness and watch it gloriously cascade into ruin. The latter is more gratifying for me.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

As I said before, you said it was a likely possibility. I am alleging that this is not the case. Read the post I made prior to that one for more information.

Maybe in the morning. It's late, and I'm tired. But thanks for the offer.

I could put you on ignore, or I could sweep the foundation from your citadel of fatuousness and watch it gloriously cascade into ruin. The latter is more gratifying for me.

Whatever floats your boat, sweetcheeks.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

Maybe in the morning. It's late, and I'm tired. But thanks for the offer.

You better read that post, Tam. I spent time on that.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

If someone tells you that what you said hurts them, then it hurts them. You aren't challenging them in a helpful way at that point, or really thinking about them at all; you are only focused on yourself, and how -you- would deal with the situation.

You've had more than one person tell you that sometimes the things you say...or, more to the point, the way you put them...is less than helpful, so why do you continue in such a behavior?

You are always wanting others to drop everything and change the way they are instantly. Why not do the same, and actually be considerate of others for a change? It can't be THAT hard to be compassionate. :/

What you're saying is wrong an groundless.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

groundless.

Has anyone else noticed how often this word has come up recently? I feel like I've used this word three times in posts I've made to this forum in the last day.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Has anyone else noticed how often this word has come up recently? I feel like I've used this word three times in posts I've made to this forum in the last day.

I didn't notice, no.

[gothicusmaximus]

It must be because I've been talking to Tam and Wynneth so much in the last day.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

It must be because I've been talking to Tam and Wynneth so much in the last day.

Yes. I'm quite sure that was it, Gothicus.

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

It must be because I've been talking to Tam and Wynneth so much in the last day.

Oh, my sides.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Wynneth

Oh, my sides.

Are you just a clone of Tam?

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Are you just a clone of Tam?

Are you?

-cue Twilight Zone music- Any second, now, Rod Serling.

[gothicusmaximus]

Actually, Tam and Wynneth are the same age, eerily.

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Actually, Tam and Wynneth are the same age, eerily.

Is that so? -checks Tam's profile- It is! Or, well, it will be.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

I would like it very much if you would read my posts and what they actually say for once, instead of turning them into something they are not.

I read a post, and answered to it.
Liusaidh mentioned empirical evidence. On the other hand instead of countering with empirical evidence, you merely made a statement whose connotations are that "anythign can be right because anything could be true"
That's what is was, and that's what I responded to.
I don't know the context of this fight, I just know I saw a logical fallacy and I couldn't let that pass by.

[Mir]

Round 41.

Bicker, bicker, bicker.

[PortraitOfSanity]

Originally Posted by Mir

Round 41.

Bicker, bicker, bicker.

Whine, whine, whine.

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Wynneth if you look at the end of page 8 you'll see a reply I left to one of your previous posts. I dont know if you saw it or not. Buy, you didnt reply.
I'll read the link you posted when I get home but of course I have to go school... ick. I said somewhere in a recent post that I WILL go and get therapy I told my mom I wanted to I just dont know when that will happen because my fam has some money issues right now. But I think I could be going soon...

It seems like everything on G.net turns into a fight on G.net... cant we all just get along??!!! *starts to sing a song about how we are all GOD's children..... LULZ

[Valravn]

Originally Posted by Wynneth

This is very, very well documented, actually. It's PTSD--Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Please, read about some of the common reactions.


All of this equates to what I (and others) have already said: you need to seek professional help, in some fashion. Counseling, therapy, whatever. You need help and it doesn't make you weak to ask for it or admit that you need it. Please, before things get worse or spiral out of control, take some time to reevaluate your behavior and reactions to things--and, be honest with yourself. There's no shame in needing and accepting help. And, think of it this way, it can only get better. Right? -smile-

I hope you aren't speaking about psychiatry help because that is definetly not help.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

I don't know the context of this fight, I just know I saw a logical fallacy and I couldn't let that pass by.

Ah. Gotcha.

Moving on....

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Valravn

I hope you aren't speaking about psychiatry help because that is definetly not help.

Do you mean psychology or psychiatry? Either way, BLEED could probably benefit from a good therapist or counselor to help work through her problems, but she doesn't strike me as the type of person to need medication for it.

BLEED: Yeah, I don't know why these things always turn into fights about how exact one has to be with one's posts. :/ Regardless, though, I hope you've found something useful in the past 8 pages. XD

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by BLEED REBELION!!!

I said somewhere in a recent post that I WILL go and get therapy I told my mom I wanted to I just dont know when that will happen because my fam has some money issues right now. But I think I could be going soon...

If money is an issue then you may want to look into seeing a clinical social worker as they are a bunch cheaper. Seeing one is essentially the same as seeing any other certified therapist (minus a psychiatrist cuz they can prescribe drugs) so that may be a good option for you and your family.