I don't really like talking about personal issues...

AngelikDemonik · 01-04-2008, 03:32 PM

But any of my friends that I ask advice on issue usually tell me "F.uck him, go get yourself a guy with money."

I'm not a gold digger.

Problem: I've been with my wonderful boyfriend for about 16 months now. I love him to death, and I would gladly take a bullet for him. He is the absolute sweetest man I've ever met in my whole life. He's smart, funny, handsome. However...he is 27 (almost 28). He does not have car, does not have a liscence, has no college education, lives with his grandmother and has an under the table job where he makes about $90.00 a week. He did have a scholarship for college when he graduated High School, but at that time, he decided that it was more important to get drunk with his friends and play video games (this is something that upsets me greatly, considering how much in debt I am for school, and I've worked my ass off), which cost him to lose his scholarship.

Not to sound full of myself, but I'm pretty much the exact opposite--I have my own car, I have one college degree and I will be graduated with another degree in the medical field this summer (in which I will then have a career and a decent paying job), I also currently have a job that pays me considerably more than he makes. And I'm 22.

I'm not after money. I don't need his. Getting married and being a house-wife, in which my husband is the one who works and makes money, is definately not what I want out of life. I've worked hard to get where I am now, and I'll be damned if I have to sit at home and pop out babies. However, I do not want a "house-husband", either.

I just hate seeing someone I care so much about waste away. It seems like all he cares about is video games or movies. I've tried my best to help get him to get farther in life--I've written out a beautiful resume for him, I've found places that are hiring for him to work at, I helped him study to get his driver's liscence (he currently has his permit, but that expires soon since he's never tried to get his liscence), I've helped him fill out finanical aid for college, I've looked around for college programs for him to attend, and I've also looked into other short tech schools in which he could attend to get some type of "real" job.

His response to all of that is "I just don't know what I want to do. Nothing interests me."

I'm pretty much at the end of my fuse with him. I don't want to stay with someone who does not give a damn about his future in the slightest, but then I don't want to leave the person I love more than anything. I think I've done more than enough to help him progess. I know in the end only he can help himself, but it seriously breaks my heart to see such a wonderful person live such a crappy life, with no sign of a better future.

I don't want all of you thinking he's bad person, because he most definately is not. He's just seemingly...lazy and apathetic.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

badteccy · 01-04-2008, 03:59 PM

Honestly? Sever.
It's not worth it.

Valerius · 01-04-2008, 09:29 PM

You've given it your best shot, and now it's his turn to reciprocate. However, if he doesn't even appreciate your efforts enough to get his ass off then it seems like it isn't worth it.

I don't want to seem harsh, but that's the reality of it.

Graveyard.Crow · 01-04-2008, 11:05 PM

Have you told him that he NEEDS to get his act together? Not nicely but in a strong and firm manner?

Rotting Corpse · 01-05-2008, 03:02 AM

He needs to be shaken up a bit...Try doing something drastic(I hate me,I'm the only one that can screw grammar and dictation like that "sob")...You know him better,so you'll figure out what to do....You can try to compliment a friend or someone you you know about his education or something else.When a girl compliments another guy,usually the other tries to become better....Hurts their ego,I guess...I've tried it lol.....It worked.....

Kanedawg · 01-05-2008, 07:40 AM

Hi. :^) That's a tough one. It seems to be common too, and these guys almost always seem to have (Awesome.) girlfriends!

Although it's easy for others to dispense advice, I don't think there is an easy out because it sounds like breaking up with him will be pretty damned hard for you, and I know from experience that when guys are in that sort of mode they can have a hell of a time lifting themselves up out of it. (Yes, I myself have been there in my way in the past.)

The bottom line might have a lot to do with the fact that, for now at least, he can just live with grandma without having to make his way in the world.

You might consider looking at what else is available and letting him know it and why. Good luck to both of you.

KontanKarite · 01-05-2008, 07:51 AM

He's 28 years old...

ApothoKeri · 01-05-2008, 07:56 AM

There are some things that people can work out and other things that can not be worked out. If your life goals are different than it will never work. Love can soothe over a lot of things but not everything. Think about what you want in the future and decide if he is worth the future available to you with him.

JCC · 01-05-2008, 10:16 AM

Give the guy a well-needed proverbial kick in the nuts and tell him to get his act straight.

Although, if he has a flair for writing, he could do one of those sit-at-home jobs like writing books or articles.

Or you could encourage him to get into game programming?