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Old 10-11-2014, 05:56 PM   #1
Lady Ruthven
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Upon the wings of night
Posts: 62
Straight unless proved otherwise

This could be in the whining section, but I think it could make a decent general debate.

A close friend of mine came out a few months ago, and it was so sad to see all the worry he went through about it. People were actually pretty positive once they knew he was gay, but it was really hard for him to get up the courage to say it in the first place.

My question is; if our society is truly accepting of any sexual orientation, why should we assume that everyone is straight until they tell us otherwise? How come nearly every gay person has to come out, but the idea of coming out as straight sounds ridiculous. Surely we shouldn't assume anything about someone's sexuality until they say it themselves.

I have stuck to this in my own life - I never came out as a bisexual because I had never really thought of myself as being in the closet in the first place. I didn't say I was straight, and what people assumed was their problem. Yes, you can do this at the moment, but a) it must be harder for people who are gay rather than bi or something and b) it's hardly the usual thing to do. But I think that if we're going to accept any sexuality, we need to abolish the whole idea of coming out and the need to do it.

While I'm in the mood for a rant, I also hate it that people have such fixed stereotypes about lesbians (and probably gay guys as well, but I'm speaking from my experience). Nearly everyone I meet assumes that I'm straight because I look feminine, and that my (straight) friend is gay because she has short hair and quite a boyish figure. I just wish people would ask rather than instantly making their own judgements.
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Old 11-08-2014, 07:55 AM   #2
Duane2.0
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 21
Coming out is archaic, and just sounds like something that should be reviled, and locked away. That's not the best way one can put it, you know? Perhaps, you could refer to it as "Enlightening friends and family.", that sounds more elegant, I think. Anyways, good for your friend, and you.

See, I think the main problem is very basic. We are raised to believe that we must find the best mate we can, and breed, creating the greatest combination of genes, and values. Because 2 women or 2 men can not breed in such a way, people feel that it is an abomination. However, they can adopt children, and will adopt the ones people don't want.

I'm talking about the rowdy children, or the developmentally challenged children, and the aesthetically challenged children, and raise them to be the best people they can be. If anything, "enlightening" people of your orientation allows their horizons to be broadened, and more open to greater possibilities. It shouldn't always be about creating the best, it should also be about inspiring the best in what people perceive to be the "worst".
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Old 11-10-2014, 07:12 PM   #3
Saya
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,548
That's pretty heteronormative, though. Lots of queer couples can have children the old fashioned way, and many queer people do not want kids at all. Lots of queer people do not want to emulate heterosexuality and aim to create better models and family dynamics rather than restricting themselves to what we assume is normal and best.

The answer is that "coming out" is still necessary because homophobia and transphobia still exists. LGBTQ people are still being assaulted and murdered frequently.

When I came out, I was sexually harassed and ostracized by friends and anyone I met who knew. It took years before I was okay with anyone else knowing, and fooled myself into thinking I was "mostly straight" because that was one way of protecting myself. Even when I came out again loud and proud, and then started dating Versus, even family tells me that they're glad I realized men are better than women.
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