Advice please

in.the.moon · 12-22-2011, 09:36 PM

I really don't want to start my first thread in the whining section, but I feel like I MUST get some advice on this topic.

My boyfriend has been gaining alot of weight in the past year. He tells me he eats that much because the food is very yummy, but I wonder if there is a psychological reason behing all this. I care about him and I don't want his health to deteriorate even more than it already is (his legs go numb and he's had chronic stomach pain ever since I can remember).

I've tried the 'nice' approach towards it, asking him to please eat only the amount he's supposed to but he always gives in;& other times I catch myself making 'bad' comments about his eating, such as: "Are you seriously eating more!!? or :"Stop eating already!!"

I'm pretty sure this take on it will bring more negativity than anything and I DON'T ever want to hurt his feelings, so if any of you could give me some advice on how to approach this better it will be greatly appreciated.

& lastly I know HE doesn't feel comfortable with his weight because he complains about how his clothes don't fit anymore...

CuckooTuli · 12-23-2011, 04:50 AM

Well, when he complains about his clothes not fitting properly, tell him why as nicely as possible - it might be an idea to go the "You're eating the wrong things" route, rather than the "That'd be because you're a massive gannet" one. If you're a good cook, maybe start introducing him to food that won't put him in an early whale-sized grave.

To be fair, if he's bitching about his weight himself, he's pretty much given you an in. Not saying that gives you license to be an arsehole to him about it, but it does mean that if he gets all defensive when you bring it up, you're entitled to point out that HE'S not happy either, so maybe he should... y'know... do something about it.

ape descendant · 12-23-2011, 08:17 AM

Eating habits are quite personal. Tell him he's a grown ass man and should be able to manage his own diet. You're not his mom, you should not be expected to act as such. It is rather unhealthy for you to have to fixate on that.

Grausamkeit · 12-24-2011, 10:46 PM

Smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper when he eats too much.

in.the.moon · 12-26-2011, 06:09 PM

@ ad: so are you saying let him eat whatever he wants regardless if it hurts him?

ape descendant · 12-27-2011, 11:57 AM

I'm saying that it's not your job to monitor his diet, he needs to do that for himself, not put it on you.

In a relationship between equals, he should be using his own will and self discipline to make the right decisions for himself. I find it to be a bit of a red-flag that this is being put on you. What happens when he continues to gain weight and becomes unhappy? Will that be blamed on you? To what end?

The heart of it, is that if he fails to control his own actions that should be on him and him alone, as ultimately you can't really stop him if he's not going to listen to you.

To top it off, it just seems rather unhealthy to fixate too much on your partner's eating habits, sounds like some sort of weird ass disorder waiting to happen.

Miss Absynthe · 12-27-2011, 12:03 PM

Plus one...

HAC · 01-23-2012, 03:53 PM

Honestly, I don't think he'd just stop coz he feels even if this condition remains... nothing will change anyway - maybe he gets the impression you'll always be cool about this, that he can turn into the blob and you'd still be there and he can still get honey. Make it clear to him how this is really bothering you, I think it's time to cut the baby hands and just really give it to him.

Spooky Spencer · 02-15-2012, 09:08 PM

I'm guessing you might know this: does he snore? Like waking the dead kind of snoring?

I saw this thing about sleep apnea (in the middle of the night, of course). They said if someone doesn't sleep very good, they don't get what they need from sleep, and that triggers something in the brain to keep eating to get whatever it's missing. Getting bigger makes the snoring worse, so then they get bigger and so on. If any of this sounds like it might be right, he's has to have a sleep study to find out for sure (and might get to wear the cool Darth Vader mask).

Valhalla · 02-16-2012, 11:25 AM

Overeating can be a way of dealing with stress, depression, and so on, and can really get out of control. Some medications can also contribute to overeating.

I think you should suggest counseling, or a support group for over eaters to him, or that he go to the doctor if you think this was brought on by anxiety or some other mental issue.

More exercise wouldn't be a bad idea either.