Ravings of a Sleepless Man

[Angelic Dissonance]

I've been here, and now it's faded
bled together like poorly done laundry
Tie-dyed, unintentionally
the wares of reality
I don't know if I've been ranting
but I've got to keep on ramblin' (been 'round the world, gotta find my girl [YOU know])
Now If we lost our sixth sense when the animals continued
to sense our spirits, and
we are left without sight, but
we walk by faith without realizing we
are naked, and the 'L' key is sticking.....
Oh, and the fog outside is all too transparent....
Too late now, the brilliance overtook us
once considered fire, but now maybe holiness clothed
by flames. It shines through me----
But not all the way.
I shine in similar fasion, with
dome of skull squinted, an observatory
of sorts, seeing light----and can I draw here? Am I allowed?
And the silence answers, and I know
the answer is both 'Yes',
and 'If you don't, You never will'.
That black lagoon surrounding us,
must never be questioned lest
we reach out beyond our means and
in finding reason, insanity
the two faces of the same head, Janus,
who guards the gates amidst the hellish dancing
and shrill whistle of pipes.
On a lonely island, indeed, stranded....
and not even meant to percieve the madness within our very bounds
that flys past us and flows through us and never makes a sound.

And if I see angels, does that make me mad....
or if I saw demons, would that truth sip me dry?
Would I be a dry demon-ridden skeleten left to sit?
How many, how many....

[gothicusmaximus]

I made you a Venn Diagram.

[JCC]

Best reply.

[Angelic Dissonance]

Not into free verse, eh? But it IS exactly as it says--the ravings of a sleepless man. Not my best, especially not in meter and verse--
but I've never been much on following rules in my writings, anyway.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Angelic Dissonance

Not into free verse, eh?

What the fuck? You're like a girl with festering oral herpes who calls me gay when I refuse a blowjob.

[Angelic Dissonance]

What? Afraid of Herpes, or just open sores? Ravings are ravings, they're not meant to be good. I don't care if you like it or not. I tell you what:
I dare you to go catch a nasty virus, then stay up for two days and write good poetry. For real--go lick a Bus Station toilet handle. It'll make you like Robert Frost on vitamin water.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Angelic Dissonance

What? Afraid of Herpes, or just open sores? Ravings are ravings, they're not meant to be good. I don't care if you like it or not. I tell you what:
I dare you to go catch a nasty virus, then stay up for two days and write good poetry. For real--go lick a Bus Station toilet handle. It'll make you like Robert Frost on vitamin water.

Is it just me or does the above post imply that Angelic Dissonance actually does have herpes?
Anyway, no inflammation of the genital region could possibility induce in me so great a delirium that I'd not only compose absolute fucking sewage, but post said sewage on the internet in order that others might waste their time reading it.

[Alan]

He's just blaming his idiocy for the past three days on a sickness.

Should we tell him that's four times more fucking stupid?

[Angelic Dissonance]

Well, I had been pretty much bedridden for two weeks. But, I'm not saying that excuses anything dumb I may have said. I'm only saying, I wasn't exactly thinking straight. In any case, you can cut me a break, I'm just a kid. And if you don't like what you read, MOVE ON, you dick! Your life is seriously so pitiful that you have to spend your day ripping on a sleep-deprived 18 year old? Jeez, it would have been more insulting if no one had posted anything, anyway. THIS is just a waste of time! And I suppose you could do better, anyway? Go ahead and do, then! WORSE material ends up required reading in high schools these days!

And no, I don't have Herpes.... as far as you know.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Angelic Dissonance

In any case, you can cut me a break, I'm just a kid.

You act like the desiccated corpse of Ramses II has lurched out of its Sarcophagus to pick on you. I'm 21. I was your age when I joined this board, and never have I rendered an embarrassment that, in magnitude, even approaches a post one billion times more dignified and self-possessed than your most dignified and self-possessed post.

And if you don't like what you read, MOVE ON, you dick! Your life is seriously so pitiful that you have to spend your day ripping on a sleep-deprived 18 year old?

Let's be real, you're exaggerating just a pinch. We're both well aware that by no means do I 'spend my day' ripping on you. I happily dedicate a modicum of my spare time to ripping on whatever moron should be on hand because I treat doing so as a relaxing hobby, a means of letting off steam. It's like going to the shooting range, but for New Yorkers.

Jeez, it would have been more insulting if no one had posted anything, anyway.

So had we just turned the other cheek to the gross insult that is this 'poem', you would have thrown an even bigger temper tantrum?

And I suppose you could do better, anyway? Go ahead and do, then!

I have-- on these boards no less. You can find my poetry among the threads I've started.

WORSE material ends up required reading in high schools these days!

I feel like that's a brazen lie, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you attended a high school where English teachers assigned original compositions of their own authorship that never included verbs or something.

And no, I don't have Herpes.... as far as you know.

But as far as I suspect, you totally have herpes.

[Alan]

You think "everyone" likes Twilight, you fucking call yourself a sensitive artist, you admitted you changed your political stance because it became 'too popular', and to add to that you fucking consider yourself a 'kid' AT AGE 18!!!


I am genuinely concerned about your life in the real world.

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

GothicusMaximus, your "Venn Diagram" IS funny; however, you guys are just BRUTAL. People are going to be afraid to post their works... If not here, where else can a fellow get away with posting poetry these days? Hardly anyone gives a damn about the genre any more.

Angelic, this poem is really rough (as you called it, "ravings"), but may I give you some constructive criticism to consider? #1 the format is extremely loose, #2 the ideas seem to skip about quickly and randomly making it's central meaning too cryptic, and #3 there is a bizarre mixture of formal, mysterious language and contemporary terms and slang. Any of these three can be utilized effectively, in theory, but using all of them at once is overwhelming.

Of course, you were just in the mood to pour out ideas; 'no problem. I think that you have some interesting ideas though. I'd like to see some of the ideas mentioned in this poem worked out in a more ordered, understandable way. Because of poetry's strange effect on a "receptive" reader/listener, it can be a powerful form of communication. Don't be discouraged ~ you're pretty gutsy to post "ravings" of any kind, especially on this site. If one has an interest in poetry, he can become skilled at it through a little study and practice. I hope to read more of your works.

[Angelic Dissonance]

Thank you my kind sir. The constructive criticism here is greatly appreciated.

I know I'm just over-reacting.... and Alan, I'm concerned, too. I've got no problems admitting my life is not in order, and I need help getting into a mature state of being. All I can do is try to find a job, now that I have free time, and go from there. I don't know why I'm this way, all I can do is try to keep changing every day for the better. And, part of that is learning to give less of a shit about some things, and more about others.

But, being in high school, I know only one, maybe two people out of many that say they didn't like Twilight. Everyone, to me, means "Most of the people I encounter at school". I'm sure there's lots of folks who truly don't care for it.... but I haven't seen or heard of them in the area that I occupy. It's the fans who advertise themselves, not the hate club(although they should).

In short, it's okay, I'll try to shut up; and I'll save my REAL work for posting and not the ideas skipping around in my head(for which, after all, I guess 'sewege' is just as good a metaphor as any, when you consider these thoughts as waste I eliminated at 4:00 in the morning). It was just the feeling of random thoughts and ideas skipping around in my head, while all of that late, late night energy swirled around heavily in my veins, that prompted me to write them down.



Seriously though, I don't have Herpes.

[Bete Noire]

Honestly, it's a long way too contrived to be proper "ravings".

If you want a point of reference for poetry that rambles on but is actually very very carefully thought out, I guess something like Rhapsody on a Windy Night is a good place to start.

Or Prufrock.

T.S. Eliot anyway.

Also - putting in the word "oh" makes you sound like a pompous wankpot.