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Old 06-28-2012, 10:24 PM   #26
Saya
 
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Wait why do they control your bank account?

And if they can't do that, then don't go.

And dude, punching a woman in the face and calling her a bitch when she says you lack empathy really isn't the way to prove that you don't lack empathy.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:33 PM   #27
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They controlled it back when it existed. At the time I was down to one bank account(was in college, money was tight), the bank account that I had since I was a child, saving money I had gathered up over the years. As such my mother had joint control over it, and apparently she used the excuse of also claiming that she had some of my brother's money in it, though she didn't keep track of how much of the money belonged to my brother. While it wasn't any significant portion of the account it was enough for her to come up with an excuse for why I wouldn't be allowed to access it. The situation has been resolved since, though not exactly in a good way, though to be quite frank I'd rather not go any further into it since the details aren't really necessary at this point.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:37 PM   #28
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So you were a teenager when that happened?
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Old 06-29-2012, 08:51 AM   #29
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So you were a teenager when that happened?
Nope I was 20, the money had petty much been left untouched in the account before hand, and at that point had only started accessing it recently, didn't have any idea she had it as a joint account.

I considered slapping her(I don't punch) in the face, never said I did it. Only time I ever had a violent outburst was when I was 5 and I pinched my cousin. It's frustrating enough dealing with random uneducated idiots who treat autistics as sub human without hearing it said a foot from my face by my godmother directed at me in front of my whole family, literally surrounded with nowhere to go. I suppose I could have tried walking home but the nearest mass transit system was 26 miles away, and I didn't have money with me so I would have been stuck walking 81 miles. Kinda like a cult in a way, they wait until I am somewhere with nowhere to go, and surround me to try and pressure me into thinking their way.
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“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 06-29-2012, 09:02 AM   #30
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Hey, have you asked them why such a short time to make the decision? Isn't today the last day they allowed you, or they've become more lenient about that?
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You fucking people [war veterans] are only a step below entitled rich kids, the only difference being you had to do and witness horrible things, instead of being given everything.
real classy
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Old 06-29-2012, 09:18 AM   #31
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The way they do things, even my brother is left worrying about which family members will be present at these gatherings.

All that aside today is the day, getting the house clean for the showing today, going to see about giving my dad one last call before I make my choice.

If I do go I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures.


edit:5 days is them being lenient. They wanted the answer as soon as they asked me, and kept pressuring me all weekend. I negotiated them into 5 days because today is the day that my relative will be leaving for Colombia. I'll be following in a few weeks if I accept.
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“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 06-29-2012, 09:39 AM   #32
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Is there really no way they can give you a longer period of time to think about the trip? Why can you not simply telephone or email your relative in Colombia once you have made a decision?

Perhaps reason with them that this is really quite a large decision that no sane person could possibly make in less than a week , and also point out some of the things mentioned, about you being totally reliant on your relative who lets face it, you apparantly don't really even know.

It's hardly unreasonable.

Maybe they could let you go there for say... a month to help out on the farm, and see if you actually like being there, like the job and so on, then if you do feel you want to continue, just stay there for the remainder of the year, and if not then come home.

Propose that since you will need some independent means of monetary support while you are there, could you please have the money you saved. It's your money it was in your account. There is no reason why you should not have access to your own money to help fund your living expenses while on this trip.

Just occurred to me....I know nothing of border laws ect over there. Will you need a work permit or visa of some sort to live and work in Colombia? Even though it's with a relative? If you do, then surely it's better to sort things like that out before you go rather then when you get there?
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Old 06-29-2012, 09:56 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by honeythorn View Post
Is there really no way they can give you a longer period of time to think about the trip? Why can you not simply telephone or email your relative in Colombia once you have made a decision?

Perhaps reason with them that this is really quite a large decision that no sane person could possibly make in less than a week , and also point out some of the things mentioned, about you being totally reliant on your relative who lets face it, you apparantly don't really even know.

It's hardly unreasonable.

Maybe they could let you go there for say... a month to help out on the farm, and see if you actually like being there, like the job and so on, then if you do feel you want to continue, just stay there for the remainder of the year, and if not then come home.

Propose that since you will need some independent means of monetary support while you are there, could you please have the money you saved. It's your money it was in your account. There is no reason why you should not have access to your own money to help fund your living expenses while on this trip.

Just occurred to me....I know nothing of border laws ect over there. Will you need a work permit or visa of some sort to live and work in Colombia? Even though it's with a relative? If you do, then surely it's better to sort things like that out before you go rather then when you get there?
The whole account thing ws 2 year ago. I'll have maybe $600 I won't get into why, it's a long story and I've got a house to have clean in less than 34 mins.
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"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 06-29-2012, 10:13 AM   #34
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Look, its hard work, in a country where you've never been to and don't speak the language, and I'm guessing the farm is in a rural place and they won't be able to take you to do touristy things very often. You're liable to get culture shock or at the very least very homesick, the odds of you wanting to come home early are pretty high.
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:03 AM   #35
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The first thing I said to Ren after he told me on MSN was DON'T GO. Based on all the info given ( yes Alan, really ) and the controlling and insensitive nature of these relatives as Ren has mentioned, it really does come across in such a way as makes me think they just want rid of him for a year.

As though they think palming him off onto someone else ASAP , and making him do some hard farm work to earn his keep will improve him in some way. All very thinly disguised as an "opportunity"

If the relative had to be persuaded to take him on in the first place ( read original post) this suggests that he doesn't really need or want that much help on the farm. If he did, he would have suggested it himself, or at least wouldn't have needed convincing or persuading at all.
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:11 AM   #36
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Ren, if you do something like move to live and work in another country, it's the sort of thing that needs to be carefully planned over a decent period of time, and to be somewhere you actually have an interest in going .

It's not something you should be badgered to hurry up and make a quick decision about, and while you're at it hurry the hell up and pack because you're off in a few weeks.

Have you ever actually wanted to work in a foreign country? If so, then that's great but do it on YOUR terms. Not theirs. You cannot let them organise your life for you . You're a grown lad, you are quite capable of standing up to them, telling them to mind heir own bloody business and sorting your own travel and life arrangements out.


If you don't have a job currently, then start looking around. It doesn't have to be anything stupendous as long as it earns you some money . Even if it's just a poxy paper round (you would be surprised how many adults do these for the extra cash ) or some sort of delivery job that you can do on a bicycle ( or can you drive? ) . Anything you can manage just so you can set up your OWN bank account and have wages and savings go into it.
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:19 AM   #37
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Culture shock isn't really something I'm worried about, I'm only a second generation American when it comes to my mother's side. Most of my life I've been within bike riding distance of my grandparents(albeit they live up a very steep hill), my grandmother's Colombian accent was the norm for me, my pediatrician was a Colombian family friend, I've eaten a considerable amount of Colombian Cuisine as it is, heard plenty of the music(though not enough to notice the nuances between Colombian music and other Latin American music), seen plenty of the art.

But yeah now that I'm back home after showing off the house I've called and talked to my father, I'm going to tell them yes. Just as soon as I can get a hold of them.

In the meantime I have this interesting specimen of a huge ant swimming around in a mug of water right next to me(I put it there on purpose). It's floating quite nicely on top of the water, seems to be relying on surface tension a bit, like a water bug would. The thing I especially like about this view is since water is liquid and transparent I can really get a good look at it's legs in action, unlike if it was walking around and has its legs underneath.
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"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me

"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:32 AM   #38
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Oh and thank you everyone for your opinions on this, I wasn't expecting the discussion to get so heated, but I am glad for a very wide range of opinions. I would hug all of you at once, but I'm not a frequent group hugger. Like I said I will take plenty of pictures. This will also count as the highest elevation I've ever been to since Bogota is 8000 feet above sea level(3000 feet higher than Denver), anyone know where I can send in my application for the 1.6 mile high club?

The ant responds like a man to a life raft when ice is introduced.
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"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me

"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:35 AM   #39
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Well good luck , I hope it does work out for you. You'll be able to get MSN and so on when there right?
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:48 AM   #40
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Yep and I'll have skype so I can call people in the US as if I never left the country.
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"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me

"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 06-29-2012, 11:56 AM   #41
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While I'm at it I think I can negotiate them into buying me a Cry baby burger from Red Robin. We've got a thing about eating extremely spicy foods.
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"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me

"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 06-29-2012, 02:17 PM   #42
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I suppose I should note we still haven't negotiated the pay yet. But apparently it seems there's no coming home once I'm there untill the 12 months are up.
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"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me

"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:58 AM   #43
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Old 07-02-2012, 09:54 AM   #44
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Looks like my brother and John from work will be wanting to emigrate quite soon then....
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Old 07-31-2012, 07:55 AM   #45
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Well it looks like I won't be going because frankly I am refusing their horrible offer. When the discussion first began I was hoping for at least American minimum wage, but then they told me that room and board was part of the deal, so I thought ok I would be at least earning a semi decent wage and getting to see Colombia. Now I hear directly from my mother, I would ONLY be earning room and board........... I would be earning less than the Colombian minimum wage.

If my calculations are correct due to my checking of the rent costs in Tunja Colombia, and then dividing the rent in half and adding that on as food costs. I would be earning about 1000 colombian pesos, or 55 cents A MONTH!

I must be spoiled, I mean after all there are Ophan kids starving in African countries without access to clean water and food. While I would be living with distant family and have access to clean food and water constantly. I should go and see about donating some of my earnings to them, lets just go to the child fund international website and see how much helping a child in Africa costs.......$28 a month. and a brief google search says only 80 of that reaches the child so $22.4....... I would be earning less in a year than an African Orphan earns in a month.

This is the offer my family dares call me spoiled for even considering turning down.

But of course the chance to learn spanish like that is invaluable.

I pray that the information I'm hearing from my mother is of the incorrect variety, or I really don't know how I'll be able to look my mother's side of the family in the eye ever again.
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"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 07-31-2012, 08:18 AM   #46
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Though I bet my rent cost info was wrong still it can't be enough of a difference to serve as an excuse.
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"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me

"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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Old 07-31-2012, 08:38 AM   #47
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That's not acting spoiled, that's being a mature adult who sees he's going to get fucked royally by the ones who negotiated the deal for him. What they're trying to pull is very common world wide.

"Come work for us! You'll earn wages and we'll cover room, board, and you'll be able to see a new country while you're at it!"

But after you get there:

"Oh, you're wages are going to cover your room and board, plus you now owe us for the plane ticket!"

That's the same scam I saw happening when I was stationed in Korea, except the women involved were from Russia, Ukraine, Philippines and some of the smaller former Soviet Republics.

Your response should be hell no.
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Old 08-01-2012, 01:36 PM   #48
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Told you it was dodgy, I knew something sounded off when you told me about it.

Seriously there must be SOMETHING you can do for a job where you currently live. Anything has to be better than that excuse for a "wage"

Just being relatives is absolutely no excuse for wanting to use you as pretty much free labour. Oh we'll give you a place to sleep and you'll bloody well be grateful for it? Fuck no and fuck off is what I'd say if I were in your position.

Are there any employment agencies where you live? I don't know if what you have over there is anything like ours, but I've always found most of my jobs through employment agencies.

The wages ( at least here ) aren't great. Minimum wage for the most part unless you have a skill like forklift driving or a crane licence ect.

See if there are any free Health and safety courses near you. If there are, go on one and get the certificate. Those things are always a bonus to your resume/CV IME. Any free courses of any sort which could be transferrable to a variety of workplaces you think you'd be ok in bascially.

They all help, and also fill in any unemployment gaps on paperwork. Plus it shows you're willing to do plenty of training and have a range of skills even if whatever qualifications you have aren't great ( or even if they are, cherry on the cake is always a bonus ) .
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