Poems

Heavenly_Goth · 09-20-2008, 11:14 AM

Sitting alone...
in my dark creepy room...
and that horrid feeling
is eating my soul...

It really hurts
when you feel you are alone...
still waiting...
for someone to come knock on your door...
or even give you a call...
still waiting....
for someone to help you through it all...
still waiting...
for someone who can prevent the fall of your soul.

I cna't understand
people anymore...
and I have a desire
to crush them all...

I want to fly to another place
that is safe...and warm...
whaere I can find a friend to tell me:
never frown...
'cause your're not alone....anymore...

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-22-2008, 12:19 AM

All Kingdoms Fall

A king of High stature watches his castle crumble.

Brick by brick it has been chipped away.

Once a mighty fortress,now only a pile of rubble and timbers,one item is left standing,a throne made of oak and the very King who sits in it.

Blood shot eyes scan the horrizon,weary of battles past,and those that still loom ahead.

Vigilant and battered,he awaits one more challenge,a final test of flesh,bone,steel,and will.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-22-2008, 09:39 AM

Sorry (I posted in the wrong spot)

LiUsAiDh · 09-22-2008, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heavenly_Goth

Sitting alone...
in my dark creepy room...
and that horrid feeling
is eating my soul...

It really hurts

This was how far I got before I gave up. Thank you.

Heavenly_Goth · 09-22-2008, 12:40 PM

I look at myself and I wonder why
the world seems to cold today
and why I feel like I'm always alone.

I know that you're supposed to love me
but sometimes I doubt that and sometimes
it's hard for me to believe.

I can't seem to stand here in a world
that cannot accept me for who I am...
I wanna run and hide from this evil place...

so tonight I just wanna say goodbye my firends
as if you'll even care. My funeral will be as empty
as the desert, my love for you dried up fast...

everytime I see you I wanna cry but
my tears are no longer water, for they've become
sand.

I stand here in the desert with the sword in your chest,
I told you once and I will tell your for the last time
I don't love you anymore, I don't feel anything anymore.....
all I want to do is watch the man that I once loved die here
as I smile my sadistic smile and wonder why you could
have even done what you did..

I am isolated in my own little world and that's all that
matters to me anymore...I don't need you or anyone else's approval.

F*** you!!!!!

a morbid curiosity · 09-22-2008, 01:37 PM

This thread makes me cry.

And no, not out of the stunning poignancy and emotionally stirring nature of the poetry, believe it or not.

LiUsAiDh · 09-22-2008, 01:54 PM

Was the 'fuck you' part of the poem? I couldn't tell.

Godslayer Jillian · 09-22-2008, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heavenly_Goth

Sitting alone...
in my dark creepy room...

Ever thought of publishing your works?
Poet laureate is so close!

gothicusmaximus · 09-23-2008, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

Ever thought of publishing your works?
Poet laureate is so close!

To give the author of that verse any title lower than that of Muse or Apollo's very scion would be to disgrace her.

Noirette · 09-23-2008, 03:32 AM

She's probably a teenager who broke up with her boyfriend and she feels lost now, but she's too proud to let anyone just like this into her life in the whining section so she writes it as a poem.
Therefore, insulting her for it is cruel.

It's not the world that's cold today, dear. It's you, saying the wrong things in the wrong way. Writing about you being lost won't make you feel better. Any poem on the subject will be poor and boring, and the choice of such cliche statemants as "dark creepy room" won't make your poem better in any way.

Now about the subject of the whining (I'm sorry, but comparing to any poem I've read, I can't call it a poem), stop depending on other people to help you. Isn't it that obvious? stand up for yourself.

HumanePain · 09-23-2008, 03:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadmanwalking_05

All Kingdoms Fall

A king of High stature watches his castle crumble.

Brick by brick it has been chipped away.

Once a mighty fortress,now only a pile of rubble and timbers,one item is left standing,a throne made of oak and the very King who sits in it.

Blood shot eyes scan the horrizon,weary of battles past,and those that still loom ahead.

Vigilant and battered,he awaits one more challenge,a final test of flesh,bone,steel,and will.

Why deadman! I never thought of you as a wistful poetic soul!

Keep trying, but use more symbolism. Take a read here and then try posting in it, but be prepared for (constructive) criticism:

http://gothic.net/boards/showthread....825#post436825

Also, try reading "Hank" Charles Bukowski, you may recognize a kindred spirit.

Heavenly_Goth · 09-23-2008, 11:31 AM

I saw you today
tossing love letters into an open fire
letting our memories burn and twist
in the somber setting
of a silent flame
I know that you’re hurting love
I know that what I’ve done is wrong
and that tears can’t extinguish
this kind of roaring flame
But don’t let it be over
don’t let our love disappear
too much blood and ink
have been spilled
to just turn it all to smoke
rising out of an open fire
If I meant anything to you
and if our love has to be a memory
please bury it under lock and key
and don’t let it spread in the winds
that cut through this autumn air
I know that you owe me nothing
especially not my dignity or my respect
but I’d like to be remembered my love
even if only in spite
I want my words to have more meaning
than just a column of wind-whipped smoke
and I want our memories to last longer
than a small box of hand-written letters
tossed into the heart
of a roaring open fire

JCC · 09-23-2008, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Also, try reading "Hank" Charles Bukowski, you may recognize a kindred spirit

There will be NO comparisons between Bukowski and Deadmanwalking_05 on my Gnet.

Jillian May Scortfil · 09-23-2008, 12:18 PM

I really liked your poem!

Nice work, sweetheart!

gothicusmaximus · 09-23-2008, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noirette

She's probably a teenager who broke up with her boyfriend and she feels lost now, but she's too proud to let anyone just like this into her life in the whining section so she writes it as a poem.
Therefore, insulting her for it is cruel.

I-I'm b-b-ba-buh-ba-being c-cruel? Oh no! Now my reputation as the most levelheaded, understanding member of gnet, who is never cross with anyone, will be sullied forever.

Quote:

It's not the world that's cold today, dear. It's you, saying the wrong things in the wrong way. Writing about you being lost won't make you feel better. Any poem on the subject will be poor and boring, and the choice of such cliche statemants as "dark creepy room" won't make your poem better in any way.

Now about the subject of the whining (I'm sorry, but comparing to any poem I've read, I can't call it a poem), stop depending on other people to help you. Isn't it that obvious? stand up for yourself.

Not only is this just as harsh as anything anyone else says, but it manages to incorporate some shitty advice as well. Any poem about being lost will be poor and boring? Really? Any poem that involves the emotion the OP is presently feeling is bound to be bad? Think really hard about that statement. Also, many people find writing on their feelings to be therapeutic, who are you to say that this exercise won't make her feel any better?
I don't believe her un-poem indicated unhealthy neediness so much as a desire for friends, so you're chastising her for a reason entirely of your own invention.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-23-2008, 08:03 PM

H.P just a question man....

But are you pulling my leg? or do you think it could actually be called a poem?

HumanePain · 09-24-2008, 03:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadmanwalking_05

H.P just a question man....

But are you pulling my leg? or do you think it could actually be called a poem?

I jest not. I would call it prose more than a poem. But I was honest.
Keep trying, try to use more symbolism (less cliche symbolism: Elton John and Bernie Taupin used "the king" in The King Must Die ). I encourage you because to put down in words a description of what one feels, and to put it down symbolically and in a glorified manner is the true heart of a poet. If you desire to "write it out" is in your heart you are half way there. The rest is grammar and vocabulary.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-24-2008, 04:00 AM

Thanks man.

I'm willing to put fourth more effort.

Noirette · 09-24-2008, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Not only is this just as harsh as anything anyone else says, but it manages to incorporate some shitty advice as well. Any poem about being lost will be poor and boring? Really? Any poem that involves the emotion the OP is presently feeling is bound to be bad? Think really hard about that statement. Also, many people find writing on their feelings to be therapeutic, who are you to say that this exercise won't make her feel any better?
I don't believe her un-poem indicated unhealthy neediness so much as a desire for friends, so you're chastising her for a reason entirely of your own invention.

Saying "Ho, I'm misrable. I feel pity for myself. I will just sit here, in my dark room and wait until someone will help me." won't help her. And the end result will probably be horrible. I was trully trying to put this nicely because it seems like she wasn't even conscious of it.
A poem can be good when it is written about a conflict, like your feeling of being lost and your will to get out of this, which i didn't see in this poem, or about desires. If you ever seen any good poem about simply being lost, I would really like to see it.

gothicusmaximus · 09-24-2008, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noirette

Saying "Ho, I'm misrable. I feel pity for myself. I will just sit here, in my dark room and wait until someone will help me." won't help her. And the end result will probably be horrible. I was trully trying to put this nicely because it seems like she wasn't even conscious of it.

Again, how do you know? Many people find writing their feelings to be therapeutic. Not all sadness can be resolved by proaction of the part of whoever experiences it, sometimes it simply has to be endured.

Quote:

A poem can be good when it is written about a conflict, like your feeling of being lost and your will to get out of this, which i didn't see in this poem, or about desires. If you ever seen any good poem about simply being lost, I would really like to see it.

That's not the problem with this 'poem'. In fact, the 'poem' makes the narrator's desire to be rid of her sorrow, along with her other goals, pretty clear.
You don't even know what makes the 'poem' bad.

vng2 · 10-10-2008, 03:30 PM

Why am I here?
I lay here on my bed...
Fully awake and aware that I am
Always questioning, What am I doing?
Left alone in this cold, dark world
Nothing is left here for me
All those who have ever loved me, have journied away
gone from this hell...
As I wish I could
If only I had the same courage...
To take that journey
and never have to look at this place again
to rest in peace
and leave this behind to die.