Depression Quest (unsympathetic, offensive, morbid) RPG

[TrivialMorose]

Look around.

...

Look inside fridge.

...

Taste your own blood.

[Midnight_Carnival]

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Look around.

...

Look inside fridge.

...

Taste your own blood.

Look around.

You look around and in your kitchen you see:

- a battered armchair thing with cigarette burns on the arm rest
- a pair of pants thrown across the small couch-like piece of furniture described above
- a sink, piled up with unwashed dirty dishes
- a filthy dish towel
- a kitchen counter with drawers
- a cupboard containing ...food presumably
- a microwave
- an electric stove
- a rusty can (not pork of energy shaped)
- a greasy, sweaty fridge.

Look inside fridge.
There's got to be something to eat around here, you decide to check the fridge, cupboards, drawers, etc...

contents of fridge:
- a jar of polluted mayonnaise (1/2) empty
- a carton of slightly sour milk
- something moldy
- a pot of boiled onions (cold)
- some ice

contents of drawers:
- a dead cockroach
- some sharp knives
- a can opener (hand powered)
everything else is congealing in that greasy mountain of dishes in the sink

contents of cupboard:
- some stale bread
- some really shitty instant coffee
- an empty looking cereal box
- salt

- hey, wait a second, didn't you have some kind of trash can or other way of disposing of garbage in the kitchen? For the life of you you can't see it.

(headache -1)

Taste your own blood

hmmm, salty.
They should put this shit in a bottle and sell it!
yeah, it tastes like blood, you've tasted that before when somebody kicked the shit out of you, and also that other time when you intentionally bit your tongue (a fucking stupid idea).

[TrivialMorose]

Feast on cold onions and milk.

...

Examine pants.

[Midnight_Carnival]

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Feast on cold onions and milk.

...

Examine pants.

Feast on cold onions and milk.
Cold boiled onions and slightly sour milk: comfort food!
You binge on the onions and milk - it's fresh enough to not cause an upset stomach.
It still tastes like raw sewage and makes you wonder why you're bothering to eat. What the fuck are you staying alive for? Christmas?
(Mood -4, Headache -1)


Examine pants.

The pants are cheap black pants, a bit worn and of dubious cleanliness - still, the don't smell like shit (unlike the dirty jeans you left on the floor)

You search the pockets and find:
- gum
- a 20000 Colombian Peso note
- some whitish, vaguely translucent small crystals in a ziploc bag
and
[drumroll]
- your lighter!

Finding this after giving up smoking makes you want to smash your face into the wall again!
( Mood -4)

[TrivialMorose]

Wear pants.

...

chew gum.

...

Examine crystals.

...

Arm yourself with a sharp knife.

...

Stuff rest of the knives in the microwave and turn it on.

...

Go to the front door.

[Midnight_Carnival]

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Wear pants.

...

chew gum.

...

Examine crystals.

...

Arm yourself with a sharp knife.

...

Stuff rest of the knives in the microwave and turn it on.

...

Go to the front door.

YES!
<but I'm going to sleep now, too tired to do this at the moment, sorry>

[Midnight_Carnival]

Wear pants.

you equip the pants - a bit tight but they cover stuff which needs covering.

chew gum.
- it tastes like really nasty imitation grape
(Mood: -1, Headache +1)

Examine crystals
- they could be illegal street drugs, you don't know which... for all you know it's epsom salts or some kind of cockroach poison.
- you sniff it, it doesn't smell like anything.
- you tentatively taste one of the crystals. Whatever it is, it's not very water solluable. After a while you get a vaguely ...soapy? taste.
you don't see unicorns as a result of sucking 1 crystal anyway...

==more==

[Midnight_Carnival]

Arm yourself with a sharp knife

You look at the sharp implements you've collected over the years - select your short range melee weapon:
- a large, heavy bladed kitchen knife (for classic murders)
- a thick bladed cleaver (for hacking murders)
- a slender bladed boning knife (for stabbing murders)
- a herb chopper (for avant garde, expressionistic murders)
- a serrated bread knife (for fucking messy murders)

[TrivialMorose]

Dual wield the kitchen knife and the bread knife.

[Midnight_Carnival]

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Dual wield the kitchen knife and the bread knife.

Indeed.

You equip 2 knives - best wrap things up here before you get to the business at hand!

==more

[Midnight_Carnival]

<I'm sorry, I'm having a little difficultly interfacing with this from where I am at the moment.
If you wait a few days, I'll continue with hacking a few people up (that seems to be where this is going and I enjoy writing heavilly saturated gore) - If you can't wait, I think Ssteve or somebody can take over?

Anyway, the depression bit is over. Not many psychologists would endourse going on a killing spree as a way of coping with depression, but depression is anger turned inwards, turning it outward means no depression.

So we'll burn down your apartment/dwelling and butcher a few people, then presumably get gunned down by the police>

[Midnight_Carnival]

Stuff rest of the knives in the microwave and turn it on.

<unfortunately I didn't need to roll this one, I consulted my frame of reference>

You are expecting a huge fireball which levels a city block like in the movies - you are disappointed. Lots of sparks and bright flashes come out of the microwave, at times it looks like someone welding in there, then there is a loud *POP* and it stops working. Sickly black smoke from the plastic knife handles burning mixes with smoke coming from some circuit or component in the microwave which blew. You open the door to the microwave and it slowly starts to burn in a listless and smoky way.

Not good enough!

Your return to your room and take the lighter from our pocket, you've wanted to burn this motherfucker down for a long time. You set fire to the pile of unnecessary crap you used to call your life - it goes up nicely, next the artificial fabric of your duvet covering. The smoke is really starting to be a problem for you, you wanted to set fire to the curtains, but no sense in alerting people too soon.
You see your old friend the spider come running out and signalling "fire! danger!" with his little front legs. You scoop that hairy little bugger up and take him with.
Next the bathroom!
Fuck the bathroom, the bathroom's wet and most things are made of ceramic - you leave the psychic slug to survive the fire or not as best s/he can.
Back to the kitchen.
The cheap chipboard counter won't burn for some reason, except for where the plastic and crap coming out of the former microwave dripped onto it.
You try the drawers and cupboards, but with similar lack of results - you really don't have time for this shit and you are coughing your lungs up in this smoke.
On a whim you try set fire to the greasy dishes.
Improbably, the burn like an Iraqi oil well - who would have guessed? (and what the fuck have you been eating, no wonder you're overweight!)
That will have to do.

Your keys are in the dirty jeans you left on the floor fuck knows where, but you are not coming back. You open the door and step out of the smoke.

==more==

[Midnight_Carnival]

<Ok, I'm giving you reduced judgement from the concussion you just suffered, average reach and reduced speed since your character is unfit and overweight, but I'm also giving you increased balance and clout - you don't need to worry about the stats here, I'm rolling stuff, all I can say is that you should rely on force and determination in fighting rather than speed and agility - you're also apparently hell tough.. "bull and bear style" works best>

[Midnight_Carnival]

Around the corner of the stairwell comes your landlord.
He's a tall, thin man in his 50s with a big nose (broken a few times too many) and a bald spot.
He has come to investigate the smoke in the roach motel he owns - most likely he wants to find some excuse to evict you. He's angry because you're late again with this month's rent.

He sees you and registers that you are holding knives, bleeding and not looking too happy. He takes a moment to understand the situation.
You know that with his long legs, you won't catch him if he starts running, and maybe he has a gun he can get to quickly...
You owe this motherwhoring bastard and payment is past due...

Will you try:
- Rushing him while he's still trying to access the situation
- Tricking him into coming closer so you can murder the bastard
- Throwing one of your knives
or something different:
(please specify)
?

[TrivialMorose]

Pussy out.

...

Push the knives into your pockets.

...

Start whistling innocently.

...

Head for the exit.

[Midnight_Carnival]

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Pussy out.

...

Push the knives into your pockets.

...

Start whistling innocently.

...

Head for the exit.

<You appear to be someone who would rather create options than choose between them - I approve!
Anyway, this returned exactly the same result as trying to trick him...>

the exit is behind your angry landlord (well, the only stairwell leading to the exit is...)
you pocket your weapons, raise a hand to the landlord and mutter "hey" or something, casually walking towards him.

==more==

[Midnight_Carnival]

"Just wait one cotton-fuckin'-picking second... Where exactly do you think you're going?"

You shrug - "I'm getting out because of the smoke" you inform him, "I'll see you about the rent later..."

he looks dumbfounded "what the fucking christ* is going on with the smoke? is your apartment on fire?!"
You point backwards: "I think it's like the neighbor or something..." you say.
The landlord bustles past you, he's still suspicious of you, but his displeasure is directed towards the neighbors and he is confused.

you could take this as an opportunity to launch a surprise attack- <please do>
or
walk on past him while your apartment burns
<or surprise me with another idea - but please kill him, I want to write a bit of gore please>

* apologies to any christian goths - yes, they do exist, I found it funny too...

[TrivialMorose]

Hate+Self/Rage quit+Sense/Annihilate+Exterminate***

[Midnight_Carnival]

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Hate+Self/Rage quit+Sense/Annihilate+Exterminate***

I'm not sure what you're trying to do

[TrivialMorose]

Introspect. Dwell in your hatred of yourself. Choke on it. Drown in it.

...

Lose your mind to the insurmountable weight, the inescapability of it all.

...

Blindly destroy all outward expressions of the self (i.e. "other people").

[Midnight_Carnival]

did you say

"KILL EVERYBODY"?

****warning, choosing this option will remove your ability to influence actions in the game and end the game after a few gore-soaked descriptions of carnage and violence****

[TrivialMorose]

Sweat profusely.

...

Get the shakes.

...

Get a nosebleed.

...

Wallow in despair.

...

Pray for the earth to swallow you.

[Midnight_Carnival]

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Sweat profusely.

...

Get the shakes.

...

Get a nosebleed.

...

Wallow in despair.

...

Pray for the earth to swallow you.

"hey, hey, wait..."
Your obnoxious landlord puts a fatherly hand on your shoulder. "Are you ok?" you were unsure whether you were going to launch a murderous surprise attack or run like hell, but a little human contact breaks you.
You fall to the ground blubbering like an idiot and crying a lot.
With the ease of an expert thief, your landlord removes the knives from your pockets (fails to find anything else of value) and tries to help you up.

He means to walk you back to your apartment (which is in flames!)

==more==

[Midnight_Carnival]

Your little spidery friend senses danger and a threat to you.
Without hesitation it leaps from you onto the landlord's neck and bites him twice. He wipes his neck, killing the poor spider. He seems not to have noticed it otherwise.
"It's shit here, this city, I don't always cope so well myself" he mutters, "let's get you back to your place and check out the fire"
The bites on his neck have swollen alarmingly, his face is purple and his breathing labored.
"it's too fucking hot... too hot.. smoke... jus' wait..."
He slumps to the floor and half-sits there gagging and wheezing. The knives he has taken from you clatter to the floor next to him.
The landlord starts crying blood and little red streams run down from his hairy ears. You see him clutch his throat and spasm on the floor smearing blood around him. His eyeballs bulge alarmingly and the trickle of blood running from them turns into a steady stream. All of his veins stand out like snakes basking in the sun. He gasps, smashes his head into the floor a few times and lies still. Whether he is dead or simply unconscious, you can't tell you stop crying and look at him.
What a cunt.

==more==

[Midnight_Carnival]

Mood: 30 - you done fucked up.
You lost the quality Lonely due to cuddle time with your creepy landlord (now presumably dead)
Headache: 1 - your head hurts a bit
Bleeding: 1 - not in rivers but in drops
Ashamed: 6 - you disgust yourself and if you were the president you'd genocide people like you.

You are standing in the passageway outside your former apartment
You are homeless
Your nerves are fucked
You are suffering acute tobacco withdrawal.
You hate everything (mostly yourself)