For Feathered

[Isaloween]

Just because your writing style makes me think of this beautifull Dead Can Dance song...

I sat within the valley green
I sat me with my true love.
My sad heart strove the two between
The old love and the new love.
The old for her the new
That made me think on ireland dearly.
While the soft wind blew down the glade
And shook the golden barley.

Twas hard the woeful words to frame
To break the ties that bound us.
But harder still to bear the shame
Of foreign chains around us.
And so I said the mountain glen
Ill meet at morning early.
And Ill join the bold united men
While soft winds shook the barley.

Twas sad I kissed away her tears
My fond arm round her flinging.
When a foe, mans shot burst on our ears
From out the wild woods ringing.
A bullet pierced my true loves side
In lifes young spring so early.
And on my breast in blood she died
While soft winds shook the barley.

But blood for blood without remorse
Ive taen at oulart hollow.
Ive lain my true loves clay like corpse
Where I full soon must follow.
Around her grave Ive wandered drear
Noon, night, and morning early.
With breaking heart when eer I hear
The wind that shakes the barley.

[Versus]

I really, really like this. Have you ever heard or read something that made you think "Damn! I wish I made that!"

[Isaloween]

Lol, Yes... This! and what Feathered does... And maybe others, I haven't read everything yet...

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

Isaloween, that is a very beautiful and sad song. Technically, I like how each stanza concludes with a very similar line. And thank you for the very generous compliment!

[Isaloween]

You're welcome feathered...

A question: in the sentence: Ive taen at oulart hollow

The underlined words, are they old english or what? I don't understand all of them... I guess taen is taken?... but like is their a rule to shorten words like this or...

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

"Ta'en" is a shortened (elided) form of "taken", but "Oulart Hallow" is the name of a place. There's probably a rule for elision, but I don't actually know it. To be honest, I use elision only in cases where I believe that it will be easily understood by a majority of people. Personally, I wouldn't use "ta'en" in a poem because many people probably wouldn't understand what I meant. Some elided words are easily understood because they were common in the past and they sound very similar to their complete counterparts; for example:

howe'er = however
ne'er = never
o'er = over
'gainst = against
'mongst = amongst
'neath = beneath
'fore = before
'round = around

Most people should be able to understand these. The great thing about elision is that by decreasing the number of syllables in a word, it allows for greater flexibility in poetry. If you are using a very strict format, extra flexibility can be vital. Each syllable in a line is very precious, and articulacy is important in poetry just as it is in prose. I don't use elision in prose though because there are no rhythm constraints.

[Isaloween]

Thanks for your help Feathered, I knew 'round, allready because I use it often when I write... I would you call words like Kinnda instead of kind of for exemple... Or Inna...?

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

Ha, ha, ha. I guess words like "kinda", "sorta", "gonna", "wanna", "coulda", etc are just colloquial slang. Technically, they're similar to the words we've been discussing because they are shortened forms, but stylistically, they're completely different. You probably should avoid using such words in speech or in writing. Using them is very informal, always unprofessional, and *may* make you appear to be uneducated. "So, yer gonna wanna stay away from 'em."

[Isaloween]

*may* make you appear to be uneducated.

Well if you're saying uneducated in the proper sense of the word, I am! LOL
strange though, educated people here are using somme slang too... (French slang I mean)