death by antifreeze

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-16-2007, 04:41 PM

okay please dont flame me, if you dont like it just say so there's no need to be a dick.
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They say a mothers love is the greatest kind

but what you've done is just a crime

so beat us beat us make us bleed we dont need no selfesteem.

your my mother so i should love you

but i just wanna DRUG DRUG DRUG you.

Death by antifreeze now that makes me laugh.

but my pleasure only comes in halfs.

So beat us beat us make us bleed we dont need no selfesteem.

Death by antifreeze

now thats what i need!

you can choke on croak on it,

i've gone broke on it.

=-------------------------------------------------------------

I can feel the heat already *hides from flame thrower

Circle V · 01-16-2007, 04:59 PM

I like it.

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-16-2007, 05:31 PM

Thank You.

BlackButterfly · 01-16-2007, 06:14 PM

Is this a song? It reads like a song. It could use a little work, though. OK, a lot of work. You should work on it. It seems unfinished.

Also (not a flame, just an edification): "self-esteem" is hyphenated.

Circle V · 01-16-2007, 06:16 PM

It sounds better if you think of it more like an E E Cummings poem. In fact, lots of people's posts sound better if you think of them as E E Cummings poems...

MotherofMercies · 01-17-2007, 12:55 AM

Keep writing your English will improve with time. Just make sure it doesn't frustrate you, poetry is meant to be fun. I figured it out the hard way.

Cyntrox · 01-17-2007, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Super Spright

Or you can think of it as dog shit and laugh with me. Because not only can she not spell, she cannot use proper grammar, punctuation, or even remotely pay attention to meter.

Well you don't have to flame everything she does, even if you're better than her. Everyone was a newb once, and if you discourage every newb, they will stay a newb.

Cyntrox · 01-17-2007, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Super Spright

No, if I tell her she's shit she'll stop writing. Look, even when I just started writing I was never this awful. I began writing at about age 14, and I still am today five years later. I just began to really tap into writing lately this year, so I went from writing dog crap, to writing something worthwhile.

So you allowed yourself four years of dog crap, yet you allow none to someone else? OK, perhaps your first writings was better than this, I can not know, but I am sure that there is someone who wrote better at first than you, if you had been flamed from the start I doubt you would write at the level you do now. Why can't you give someone else a chance to get better?

Cyntrox · 01-17-2007, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Super Spright

I was flamed at the start, I was flamed like nuts. Most people thought my writing was absolute dog shit. I worked on it though, I just wish someone would have been around to tell me all these amazing things about writing that I am only RECENTLY learning.

In that case I find it very selfish to flame rather than teach what you wish was taught to you. This way you can save someone else for four years of dog shit and flaming (no offense, Rebelion).

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-17-2007, 04:45 PM

Spright just because you have better grammar than me doesnt make you better. Whats wrong with you? your an ass to every one. And my post were really bad at first but now there better because I pay attention.
I talk far better then I write, I would have to I'm on the debate team ( Im awsome at debate by the way.) I've always hated writeing by hand and so I just avoided it , I have to pay for it now and I'm getting better. Do you think Flameing me will really make me stop posting? welll I like posting and I'm going to post no matter what you say. People have been talking shit about me for as long as I can remeber. It was because my skin was to light, because of who my father was , because I was even slightly different because I wasnt from here. Well you know what? Screw you screw every one that think s thier better or just decides to be an ass because they have nothing better to do. So instead of talking
about my post go do your own. You really dont know how to show a little respect if I acted like you I would be murked right now.

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-17-2007, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackButterfly

Is this a song? It reads like a song. It could use a little work, though. OK, a lot of work. You should work on it. It seems unfinished.

Also (not a flame, just an edification): "self-esteem" is hyphenated.

It wasnt ment to be a song but i've noticed most of what i write sounds like songs. Im trying to get a guitar so that will be pretty good. When I wrote this I was just in a modd to take a sledge hammer to my mothers head but I did this instead.

and thanks for the self'esteem tip.

Godslayer Jillian · 01-17-2007, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLEED REBELION!!!

screw every one that think s thier better

How about those that know they're better?

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-17-2007, 06:21 PM

Screw you them to.

Godslayer Jillian · 01-17-2007, 06:33 PM

That makes so little sense that it's laughable.

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-17-2007, 06:38 PM

OHH lol i just noticed that i meant.
Then screw you and them to.

Temptation · 01-17-2007, 07:46 PM

I liked it, kinda angsty but then again that would be the point. Yeah, spelling and grammar can be a killer. I'm not very good at it myself, but I try my best.
Poem was catchy though.

Stargazer · 01-18-2007, 06:50 AM

I like the Clock Work, great avatar.

Nice swan, Cyntrox.

I like the headbanging stick man, Temptation. Do you know where any beavis and butthead motion pictures are? I know this is an obvious question but, Do you like them?

Anyway. It has abit more impact Rebellion. To be honest i don't care much about spelling or grammer. But it is better to write fully than mobile text, because it is quite distracting to what you are trying to say. It's the influence of rap crap and all that r&b. You obviously need a better role model and a decent collection of music. I don't know why you want to split your mothers head open, but i suppose yours hasn't treated you like her child. Your song has improvments anyway.

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-18-2007, 04:00 PM

Yeah well im trying to see about getting emancipated.
I just cant deal with her she drives me fucking batty.
I mean I know she trys but we just dont get along, and every thing is always my fault she wants me to behave and have the responsibilities of an adult but she treats me like a 10 year old. I just cant handle all of this crap I mean I’ve seen way worse mothers she is actually decent some times but when she gets stressed out about one thing all of a sudden its “lets pick a fight with amani day.” And I don’t know where the hell she got the idea that I am the second parent to my sister cuz really I’m not and I’m tiered of it that girl doesn’t listen to me yet I’m supposed to make sure she does what she is supposed to do? My mother used to think she was aloud to hit me but I wasn’t supposed to hit her back, well maybe when I was 7 that worked but I fight back like crazy and she wants to get mad because I swing on her? I’m just to fucking hard headed I don’t care about punishment or about what she wants me to do I really don’t like her at times it gets so bad I hate her more than I’ve ever hated any one. She keeps food in the house etc but emotionally and physically things just keep getting worse. I know I want to leave but I’ll probably be here till I’m 18 because I heard it was hard as hell to get emancipated and I don’t want to just bail on my sister.
They say kids know what their parents are like when no ones around, its true I have enough dirt to get my mother locked up, but I wouldn’t do that because my aunt would be worse (Christian nut job) and foster home would be bad too, at least with my mom I can predict her I know exactly where I stand and how to deal with her . She’s not a bad person just we don’t mix well, and sometimes I wonder if she has more than 1 personality because she is so two faced it makes me crazy .

PoupeeCelestia · 01-18-2007, 05:20 PM

I just added a rhythm while reading it! xD....
Just keep writting bleed rebelion, you seem to learn pretty well (and fast, I must say).
You are brave, because you keep posting, even if others flame you.

BLEED REBELION!!! · 01-18-2007, 05:35 PM

Why thank you for the compliment.

Im going to keep writing once I get good at guitar maybe I could actually make some good songs.

I'v allways been a fast learner if I want to learn. In every one of my classes I have either an A or an F theres almost no in between. ( once in a while i get a B ).