Happiness

[Solumina]

Lately I have been thinking a lot about happiness and living a good life but what does it really mean to be happy and how do we go about achieving a happy life?


So many people seem to attach happiness to specific instances (ie a vacation makes then happy) but is it possible for happiness to be the norm in your every day life?


What about money? Sure money makes the world go 'round and it is nice to not have to worry about where your next meal is going to come from but are people so caught up in having the money to buy the stuff that will make them "happy" that they are actually preventing themselves from finding any true happiness? In theory if money and stuff make people then I should have known a lot of happy people growing up (as LoCo has the highest median income in the country) but the people here seem to be more pleasant and less stressed even though the median household income is more than $70,000 lower than back home, not to mention the high suicide rate among celebrities and lottery winners.


It used to be that I only knew one person who seems to be happy, that person being my mother, but working HOS I have met another. It seems kind of odd that he should be so happy, his job is hard and he doesn't make very much but he always has a smile (well okay not while in character because that wouldn't make him very scary but you can still see it in his eyes if you know him) and doesn't really seem to have a care in the world. I never thought I would envy someone who had to work two jobs to make ends meet but I do, I really do.




So what are your thoughts on happiness? Have any of you found it and if so where? Is there anything that you think is keeping you from being happy, if so what is keeping you from changing those things?

[Saya]

Hah, in the book I'm reading they're talking about what prevents people from being happy, actually, good stuff.

I'm tired so I'm sorry if I don't make a whole lot of sense, but while its on my mind...

Happiness is being content with the way things are now. I find it difficult for two reasons. One is selfish reasons, I'm always thinking "oh wouldn't I be happier if I had this or went out with him or this happened", so on and so forth. I put conditions on what makes me happy, I keep grasping and clinging to things I want so I don't appreciate what I have. I'm aware of that and while I haven't stopped, I'm happier knowing its just the way I work and I'm getting better.

The second reason is the one I have difficulty with. I can be Zen and in love with life and aware of my surroundings, but when I read the news and read about a lot of suffering, I get sad or angry. It can become consuming, knowing that there's all this pain and misery everywhere and not only do people ignore it but many defend it. I don't want to get into specifics because I don't want this to become a political debate, but I think regardless of anyone's views, a lot of people feel this way. My roommate won't read the news and ignores politics because it makes her too mad. I don't want to stop reading the news. I want to do whatever I can to help make things right, but always I know that no matter what I do there will still be a lot of injustice, pain and suffering in the world. That anger cuts into my happiness, and I don't want that anger to go away anyway, since that is my drive in life. But I haven't figured out yet to be always serenely zenishly happy and aware of everyone who isn't at the same time.

[creature6]

well that's an interesting question.i'm a rather lonely person.i like it this way.i do socialise sometimes.But i spend most of my time writing poetry or painting.I choose to live in what i call my own little world.Material things don't make me happy,money well i need a minimum to live(just enought to get some things to create and feed my addictions).As for my family and friends ,they bring me some happiness still in the end i always seem to drift back into a very melancholic and miserable state.A lot of things make me smile but then again i always laugh sarcarsticly .Simple things do make me happy when it happen but then it all fade away and i'm sad again.

[SweetJane]

For me it was a matter of mindset and chamical imabalance. I recently whent through three weeks of intensive thereapy four hours a day, five days a week, and saw a shrink who actually knew what he was doing and treated my chemical conditions effectively.

I don't think it should be a matter of happiness being the norm... I think it should be acceptance.

Happiness is a new concept. I don't think it's any surprise that people are chronically unhappy in a society that tells them that a pill or a product can give them 'happiness'. Happiness as we think of it is just marketing.

I'm going to have the Buzzcocks in my head all day now.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

Happiness is a new concept. I don't think it's any surprise that people are chronically unhappy in a society that tells them that a pill or a product can give them 'happiness'. Happiness as we think of it is just marketing.

I don't think its a new concept at all. Reading old Buddhist scripture, they talk a lot about happiness and suffering, and the causes thereof, and the root causes are the same. I read that a lot in other Eastern religion text and in Western Hellenistic philosophy. I'm reading The Brothers Karamazov now and while it was originally published in 1880, you can still relate to the unhappiness of the characters and their discussions about happiness are still apt. I love reading really old things and being able to relate, its an old problem.

In Buddhism the root cause of suffering is attachment or "thirst", always craving and becoming attached to our cravings. So you are right in that our society it tells us that happiness is a car or pill or lover away, its just enabling us to become more depressed. But thats how capitalism rolls nowadays, to exploit the unhappiness and insecurities of people, make new insecurities, then present a "cure" and make money.

[Duane]

Another emotion that's been blown out of proportion. It's far too complicated now, and needs to be simplified.

[blindNsect]

I believe that you define happiness yourself throughout your experiences. It is just a matter of achieving the life that you long for.

[HumanePain]

I apologize in advance to the long term members who have probably already read these words in my earlier posts, but it is appropriate to this thread.

A mature cat sat and watched a kitten chasing his little tail.

"Why are you chasing your tail little one?"

"I have discovered that my tail is happiness, so I am trying to catch it."

"Little one, I too have learned that my tail is happiness. But I found that if I try to catch it, it is always out of my reach. But if I go about my business, it follows me wherever I go."

I don't make it a goal to be happy. I make it a goal to take care of my responsibilities, and as I do that, I find opportunities to smile and laugh along the way.

Saya is right in that there is a lot of terrible and outrageous things in the news that take us away from our state of happiness, and yet we have a responsibility to stay informed about the world around us. But we must keep our global interaction with the world separate from our interaction with our local world. The global world offers rare opportunities for happiness, but our personal lives can be very rich with it, if we go about our lives.

There are those of us too, like SweetJane and myself, who have the added burden of inherent chemical imbalance, so that despite the abundance of opportunities for personal happiness we still wallow in pits of depression.
For that, there is Lexapro and other treatments. Then with treatment my previous axiom applies.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Saya is right in that there is a lot of terrible and outrageous things in the news that take us away from our state of happiness, and yet we have a responsibility to stay informed about the world around us. But we must keep our global interaction with the world separate from our interaction with our local world. The global world offers rare opportunities for happiness, but our personal lives can be very rich with it, if we go about our lives.

But no man is an island, the personal is political, and all that jazz. Our personal lives affect the global world and vice versa, they cannot be isolated entities without just tuning out the news you are watching (ever see Hotel Rwanda, where one journalist says "They'll say "oh thats terrible", then go back to eating their tv dinners."?) That anger is what drives change in both personal life and global life. Besides, local news affects us too, whether its a woman getting ***** in broad day light (it happened here a year ago and everyone was too afraid to go outside alone after that) to large dogs getting stuffed into kitty carriers and abandoned on the animal shelter's doorstep, to driving past crackhouses to gang violence to Nazi graffiti in the bathroom stall, you can't ignore it. But that suffering can be an opportunity for happiness, while I don't think working to boost your own ego is very noble at all, there is a sense of satisfaction that when you make a change, no matter how small it is, whether its adopting a shelter animal and giving them a new chance on life, or volunteering with a **** crisis center or giving out food for free or inspiring someone to go vegan, knowing you made someone happy, knowing you helped in your own small way is satisfying, and I think on the whole if you make the political personal like that there's lots of room for happiness. Not to mention the happiness of being with fellow activists and even just people who care about the same things, knowing you're not alone in your anger is a very good feeling indeed. I didn't even realize that until last night I was speaking to someone about it, knowing someone in person who has your back with these things and has been doing similar work is awesome.

There's a book I want to read called "Hope In The Dark" by Rebecca Solnit, which was published I think after Bush's re-election and it was meant to inspire people who were feeling down as if their work was useless, I want to read it because of this quote:

"War is easy to abhor, but it takes a serious passion to unravel the tangles of financial manipulations and to understand the pain of sweatshop workers or displaced farmers. And maybe this is what heroism looks like nowadays: occasionally high-profile heroism in public but mostly just painstaking mastery of arcane policy, stubborn perseverance year after year for a cause, empathy with those who remain unseen, and outrage channeled into dedication.

What's missing...is an ability to recognize a situation in which you are traveling and not arrived, in which you have cause both to celebrate and to fight, in which the world is always being made and is never finished.

A better world, yes; a perfect world, never."

[Corpsey]

I find that happiness can be discerned from what your expectations are for yourself in life, and not based around someone elses. It is also pleasing yourself with what little things you have in life, and with what experiences life has taught me.

My mother has described me as oblivious to the world and everything within it other than the serious things. I would say I live an incredibly happy life as I don't worry or concern myself about things or expectations in the future, as tomorrow will have it's own anxieties, let alone today. So I do my best to ignore the future and remember only the fond things of the past. Especially any immediate shame or disappointment, unless it is something serious.

I find that being ashamed is allowing your happiness to be dictated to by another person's perspectives and ideologies. This is the one thing I find that holds people down the most from achieving happiness. Doing this may look dorky, so lets not do it. "Such and such behaviour is unbecoming and immature, it should be avoided". Such restricting mental conditions can hold us back from finding happiness, so we should make up our own mind and use our own logic to decide what is embarassing and what-not. However, this should not excuse ourselves from applying tact to prevent ourselves from being a right prat to others.

I've got a lot more to say about this topic, but I think I need to sleep before explaining this further...

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

Originally Posted by Corpsey

I find that happiness can be discerned from what your expectations are for yourself in life, and not based around someone elses. It is also pleasing yourself with what little things you have in life, and with what experiences life has taught me.

Beautifully put.

I was desperately unhappy for years until I adopted an attitude very much like this one. I took what I thought was a terrible risk in order to be happy. It has turned out to be the best move I ever, ever made.

I was emotionally battered for years by the people who were supposed to love me most. I no longer trusted my instincts or myself, and I allowed myself to be convinced that anyone who saw what I was really like would hate me. I cut off everyone who got too close, so there wasn't any opportunity for friendship or trust. I couldn't even trust myself not to slip up in conversation, so I almost never talked to people.

At the turning point, many years ago now, I had a detailed suicide plan that I now find horrifying in its cold calculation. But, because I had this plan, I thought I might as well live at least one day the way I'd always wanted - to take off the heavy, hated disguise - because if it turned out horribly, I would be dead soon enough that it couldn't hurt me.

Instead, coming out of hiding, what was in my case a sort of goth closet - but like Corpsey said, setting my own expectations instead of allowing others to do it, regardless of the heavy consequences - was a wonderful release. My life is fulfilling, confidence and hopefulness come naturally, and more happiness than I ever thought a person could feel piles on year after year. Yes, I paid a price. There are some people who still will not forgive me and repeatedly try to beat me down again. It doesn't matter anymore; nothing they can offer me is anything compared to what I have now.

We are each in charge of our own lives and have no one to save them but ourselves, but this post is, in a way, my love letter to the subculture.

[Corpsey]

That was quite a nice little story, suicide intentions being put aside.

[Noumi]

My opinion is nobody conscious can be happy. You can be happy at a specific moment but eventually the circumstances will change.

[JCC]

Happiness is any time I remember how fucking great I am.

[Pantherlette086]

Originally Posted by Corpsey

I find that being ashamed is allowing your happiness to be dictated to by another person's perspectives and ideologies. This is the one thing I find that holds people down the most from achieving happiness. Doing this may look dorky, so lets not do it. "Such and such behaviour is unbecoming and immature, it should be avoided". Such restricting mental conditions can hold us back from finding happiness, so we should make up our own mind and use our own logic to decide what is embarassing and what-not. However, this should not excuse ourselves from applying tact to prevent ourselves from being a right prat to others.

That describes me perfectly. In the past, I made dumb decisions now my Mom and Granny are always trying to tell me "Don't do that." "That won't make you happy."