Big Trouble In Gothic.Net

[KontanKarite]

*Pan across a scene of a burning orange morning, in the distance you see the silhouette of a tired roadside hotel. A shot of a prairie dog digging about in the dirt and shots of dust clouds and tumble weeds are shown. It's clearly close to high noon.*

*Cut to a smokey and dingy hotel room. The light is dim, the only illumination comes from the splits of the blinds casting sharp lines of noon light with harsh contrast of gray shadows.*

???: Are you going to stay here now? Her voice was part longing, part exhaustion, and part sensuality. Utterly content like a satiated great cat.

*The smell of the night before; booze, sweat, sex, breath, and cigarettes hang in the air. A slightly nauseating, but slightly titillating smell.*

Despanan: Babe, you know how this works. I drive cross country. I can never linger for too long. Time is money to a guy like me and having to rehash this every time is wasting both for me. We've been over this before.

???: But you said you'd stick around!

Despanan: Passions strain. I say a lot of things I regret later. *Despanan stretches his rejuvenated body, his taught muscles finding relief.* Besides, you know what kind of tree you're barking up. I'm not a man that can emotionally commit. Besides, I've got hundreds of dates in just about all the states. At least anywhere my truck can take me and I'm already working on getting it modified to drive on water. Why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free, baby?

???: But that's BULLSHIT and you know it. I know how you feel about me! I know what you get out of this or you wouldn't always be coming back for more!

Despanan: Yeah, baby. I do know. You're a fierce horizontal tango partner, but near holy ugly bumping and a damned good plate of eggs and bacon wont make this allycat settle down anytime soon. The road is my real mistress. Despanan starts pulling his clothes on. Slightly tight blue jeans, black boots, a nice fitting t-shirt, and a brown leather jacket.

???: But I love ya, Despanan. Don't turn your back on a good thing. You'll regret it. *She looks slightly ominous with a hint of warning in her tone.* Roads have dead ends... but my love can take you miles and miles and miles... her voice trails off seductively.

*Despanan is nonplused. He snaps his leather jacket on sharply and glances behind him with a wry smirk.*

Despanan: Sorry, Ophelia. Gotta go. 'Cause I'm a truck drivin' son of a bitch.

*Despanan swings the hotel door open, the sunlight fades in showing off his rugged good looks, his eyes squint, giving him a hard, forlorn look. He hops into his truck, turns the key, and heads out for the highway.

*southern rock is playing as shots of a slick truck are driving down the highway. The shots and the music are totally UHMERICAN! The truck has a picture of an eagle with lightning coming off its wings painted on the side of the cab. The truck itself is a polished black color with gorgeous chrome trims and grill.*

*Despanan has been talking into his radio*

Despanan: ...Let me just tell you. When the captain tells you to kick some man's ass, you listen. NOBODY fucks with the captain! Captain Morgan, this tribute is for you! *Despanan clicks on a manly honkey tonk song about honor* So anyway, to anyone out there listening, I don't take much stock in peoples' bullshit. A lot of dudes want to tell me about weird shit out there. About hungry ghosts, banshees, and all sorts of silly mumbo jumbo. I look them square in the eye and tell 'em, TRUTH is stranger than fiction and tell them that their shit aint got shit on the times I had some 8 foot muscle bound behemoth of a man cornering me in some bar, telling me "Have you paid your dues, Big D?" Well I just looked that bastard in his crooked eye and I tell him, Yeah, bitch. The check is in the mail and it's looking like I'll be collecting my refund! I punched that bear of a man in his throat and rolled out. Time is money, bitches!

*Off in the distance, there's an incredibly beautiful figure. Their slender physique, perfect ass, legs that go on for miles, and gorgeous facial features piqued Desp's desire for some roadside strange. The person on the side of the road throws out a thumb. He slows his truck to a stop and the stranger climbs in*

[Versus]

Oh my fucking god. I could totally see this in a film noir style. Did you do that intentionally?

[KontanKarite]

Maybe. I haven't thought about it that much. I guess it's a mixture, really. Outside, the colors are too saturated like some old 70s movie, but I guess I do invoke some noir images, especially inside the hotel room.

[Versus]

I can see them both, too. I think I might have a tendency to defer to the black and white, but it is a little hard for me to imagine it as such outside of the hotel room.

Either way, I enjoyed it on more then one level. Is there more coming?

[KontanKarite]

Of course. It seems like Apathy's_Child did something worthwhile for this forum and beyond being insanely awesome as trolls, I'm compelled to get on this whole fanfic bandwagon. I've already got a whole scene thought out for what's coming up. I'll probably write it tomorrow.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Of course. It seems like Apathy's_Child did something worthwhile for this forum

Hey, quit sounding so surprised, motherfucker!

By the way, I almost fucking came when I saw the title of this.

[Still Jack]

Keep writing please I'm really curious to see where this goes.

[vindicatedxjin]

Me too... how did I not see this thread???

[KontanKarite]

*Cut to the inside of the truck. Despanan is eyeing his passenger with a slightly devious and predatory glance with half a mind to work his man mojo on the stranger. But for the most part, they've been driving for a few miles through the desert and he's been trying more to act like he's paying attention to the road.*

Despanan: So, stranger... Where you headed?

Stranger: No where in particular. I'm just going back west.

Despanan: I see. *He glances at the stranger's slick thighs under the fishnet pantyhose* So what are you doing out in this heat all alone? This seems like a pretty isolated place out here and it's not exactly safe to hitchhike these days.

*The stranger just glances blankly at him, their jaw tightening, showing off a delicate but sculpted line. The mystery person seems nonplused with Despanan's attempts at small talk.*

Despanan: Oookay. Not much for talkin' I see. If that's the way you like it, just let me know when you want me to pull over and drop you off. I didn't mean any harm in trying to strike up conversation. You gotta understand, there's plenty of weirdoes out there and I kinda like to know who's ridin' in my baby.

Stranger: I think it's best you don't know me at all. It'll be safer for you in the long run.

Despanan: Look, lady. I'm pretty tough. I've been doing this whole truckin' thing for years now and there aint a soul on this earth that surprises me anymore. You ever been down to the swamps of Louisiana? Crock-people. Big as a man with a temper like a cyclone and violet as purple mountain majesty. Now there's some weirdoes for ya. 'Must have been bred into them.

*The stranger doesn't say anything but glances at Despanan with a piercing and calculating glance*

Despanan: ...Right. Well, this ride is getting a little awkward. I'll keep my trap shut and I'll drop you off at the next stop.

Stranger: Sure. You'll be dropping my off soon enough. Trust me.

Despanan: Whatever you say.

*Cue a scene of the truck coming over a ridge. The sun is setting and the sky is a violent purple with streaks of red and orange where the sun sinks behind the horizon.*

Despanan: So... I didn't get a name from you, stranger.

Stranger: I didn't give a name. *The stranger glances at the edge of the road as if they were anticipating something*

Despanan: Wow, you're a hell of a people person, sweet cheeks. I think I want you to meet my mo-

Stranger: Stop here. Right here.

Despanan: Here? Really? There's nothing out there. It's all just desert.

*The stranger whips out a pistol and points it right in Despanan's ear*

Stranger: Yes. Here. At this very spot, Despanan.

*Despanan tries to play it cool, keeping a fairly stoic face mixed with a little shock. He can't tell what's weirder, stopping in the middle of nowhere or that the stranger knew his name.

Despanan: Okay, lady, you need to take it easy on 'ol Despanan. We don't need any tragedy out here. Let's just keep this nice and easy.

Stranger: *The stranger's voice drops a few octaves* Shut the fuck up and do as I fucking say. Or this gun wont be the only thing plugging ya before the night's over.

Despanan: JESUS CHRIST! Are you a dude?!

Stranger: BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP! Run your mouth some more and I'll show you just how much of a man I am... *the voice becomes feminine again* or not. It's all up to you, big daddy. Pull the fuckin' truck over.

Despanan: God fucking damn it! Are you a dude or something? What is with you? Oh jesus, please just be some weird butch dyke. I was popping half a stock over you five miles ago.

Stranger: Last chance, cowboy. Get the hell out of the truck and do as I say. This will all be over lickity split.

*Despanan pulls the truck over. Night has officially fallen and the dust and dirt look like a vibrant blue under the stars and moon. He climbs out of his truck, trying to stay cool and trying desperately to make sense out of the person who just hijacked his rig. The gun is still trained on him as he steps to the side of the road*

Stranger: Now, Despanan... I think you have something we want. But before we get to that, let's take a little stroll out there into the moonlight. We've got some loose ends to wrap up and the boss doesn't like it when we have... loose ends.

[vindicatedxjin]

this is fucking epic.

[Murder.Of.Crows]

damn, I didn't know you could wright so well Kontan. Can't wait for more.

[KontanKarite]

I want to establish a new rule for writing. If you aint having fun doing it, it aint worth doing. Rule two is make sure it's something honest.

[Still Jack]

This is sort of like an on the road mafia thing. it's getting well boss.

[KontanKarite]

I guess. I'm taking some pretty obvious inspirations, but if at the end of the day it becomes its own thing entirely, I can't be too bothered about that.

[Despanan]

Well, shit, got tricked by a tranny.

Good think I'm a truck drivin' son of a bitch.

[Versus]

I wonder who the tranny could be? I'm assuming it's someone.

I'm also assuming that I'm the boss.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I want to establish a new rule for writing. If you aint having fun doing it, it aint worth doing. Rule two is make sure it's something honest.

Couldn't agree more.

By the way, this story is proving to me that I made the right call with you and Desp in the zombie story - having Desp as the borderline sociopath and you as the secret nice guy - 'cause I notice you're the only one of the 3 of us so far who hasn't made yourself the ass-kicking hero of your story.

Oh, and hop to it, I wanna know who the tranny is. It's weird being on the other side of the fence waiting for updates.

[CuckooTuli]

LOL. These parodies are hilarious.

[vindicatedxjin]

I'm gettin' all impatient and stuff.

[Versus]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

'cause I notice you're the only one of the 3 of us so far who hasn't made yourself the ass-kicking hero of your story.

What about Town and Turret?

[KontanKarite]

*The Stranger places their finger on the trigger and slowly, they pull the hammer back. The gun is cold against Despanan's head*

Despanan: Bitch, you best hope the first shot kills me because I'm damned close to accepting that it's perfectly okay to wreck a bitch in the face. I really don't want to have to rearrange that pretty visage of yours.

Stranger: At this distance... it doesn't matter. *A wicked grin gleams white on the stranger's face under the moon*

*Pan to a shot of a big meaty tire, caked in dirt. A key is turned in the ignition and the dune buggy roars to life. A hand in a fingerless skeleton glove grips the wheel. Perforated chrome and reconstituted steel adorn the ride. It looks a mix of post apocalyptia and utility. A weathered combat boot slams on the gas, hitting top speed in less than 3 seconds. A wild cloud of desert dust screeches into the night air and the buggy approaches a near by dune*

*The stranger pauses. Both people hear the roar of a distant engine*

Despanan: The fuck is that?

Stranger: Ah... the calvary. They're here to pick up the parcel.

Despanan: Parcel?

Stranger: You DO have something we want and you brought it right to us. ...I'm so good. It was too easy. I didn't even have to try that hard.

Despanan: What in the blue fuck are you talking about?

*The sound of the engine is drawing closer*

Stranger: Oh fine. I'll tell you before I kill you.

Despanan: You don't watch many Bond flicks do you?

Stranger: What? Whatever... anyway. Your truck, Despanan. Your cargo. The boss is quite interested in its contents.

Despanan: You dirty little cunt sore. *Despanan's toned muscles knot up under the tension of his rage*

*Pan to a nearby dune next to the two people as a wild looking dune buggy jumps off the edge of it, catching SO MUCH AIR! SLOW MOTION STYLE! A skeleton gloved fist hangs off the side of the buggy*

Driver: Chug a mother fucking dick you bitch ass cock mongrel!!

*The buggy, carrying a wild faced maniac with his fist hanging out of the edge connects with the stranger, punching the stranger square in the chest at full dune buggy SPEED, crumpling the person in their tracks. The dune buggy skids to a stop.*

Kontan: FUCK! YEAH BITCH! HOOLEE SHIT YOU JUST GOT STRAIGHT PWNT!

Despanan: Jesus fucking dumptruck! What the hell?

K: SHHHUUUUT THE FUCK UP!

*Kontan is a wildly blue haired shirtless dude. His body is tight, thin, but knotted in muscle. He dons a very modified vest covered in patches and skeleton gloves that glow in the dark. His pants are a sharp contrast of orange to the black vest. He's grinning from ear to ear*

D: Holy shit, you just knocked the piss out of that chick!

*Kontan isn't even paying attention to the bewildered Despanan. He skips over to the body on the ground like a wily Puck. He is clearly claiming some kind of victory*

K: OH YEAH! You've been talking a good game a week ago! THEN YOU GOT BUGGY PUNCHED IN YO CHEST! YOU EAT A DICK, RAZA! YOU EAT A DICK!

*Raza's battered body doesn't hear Kontan's address. He's too engaged with trying to teach his body how to breath again*

[vindicatedxjin]

Raza???? Bahahahahha

Also "Jesus fucking dumptruck!" Cracked me up!

[Despanan]

Raza...of course.

[Versus]

Haha... Raza. I didn't expect that. Or a dune buggy punch.

[Pineapple_Juice]

Where is Raza anyways? I was only vaguely aware of his existence for like a week.