Losing Friends...

spoon! · 10-26-2007, 02:01 PM

This was something that a friend of mine brought to my attention last night when I saw her. We were joking around and stuff, and then she asked me, "Now that you're Goth, are you going to stop talking to me?"

I had to stop myself because I had to think. I told her no, and why would she think that. Turns out, a couple of her older friends who had started down in the Goth subculture stopped hanging around with her because she is wayyyy to perky. Though she knew deep down I'd always be the same person, she was afraid I'd turn against her too.

In my mind, I did remember several kids back in school who had, in fact, started hanging with a whole new crowd after they went into either the punk, goth, prep or skater cultures. They completely ignored their oldest buddies, but often, a lot of times from what I heard, their friends tended to ignore them as well when they changed. My friends are some awesome guys and girls. Why, just because I was different, look for some new ones who shared my interests? They accepted me so I saw no reason to seek out a whole new crew to hang with. I like my old one pretty good.

So I wanted to get everybody's opinions on this. To me personally, I don't think that just because you're the oddball in your group you should ignore your friends and likewise your friends shouldn't turn against you. I find that if anybody has been with a crew for years and years, why would suddenly finding yourself be considered taboo in the group?

Exactly. It shouldn't be.

NachtSorcier · 10-26-2007, 02:06 PM

I agree with you, it shouldn't matter. If you have a few good friends, chances are you already like some of the same music, movies, TV and all that, so if you find that you are drawn toward a certain culture or what have you it really shouldn't dissolve the relationships you already have.

And as far as I'm concerned, if a friend learns something new about you and they stop talking to you because of it, then you don't need them.

da fetus · 10-26-2007, 02:11 PM

yo i lost some keys once i was pissed.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 10-26-2007, 02:52 PM

I had friends who thought that being anything else but their sub culture meant I should stop going with them to the mall and stuff and they would only talk to me outside of school.

Clockwork · 10-26-2007, 05:30 PM

If they're good enough friends in the first place, you'll keep them and they'll keep you.

kimaru · 10-26-2007, 08:35 PM

My best friend's parents won't let me be friends with her since I changed. They told me to stop phoneing for her and emailing her because I was a bad influence. I still try and phone but nobody ever picks up.

††BlackRose†† · 10-27-2007, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimaru

My best friend's parents won't let me be friends with her since I changed. They told me to stop phoneing for her and emailing her because I was a bad influence. I still try and phone but nobody ever picks up.

Are you serious??? That sucks!!!!!!

††BlackRose†† · 10-27-2007, 08:18 AM

Well for me, friends have always come and gone.
My close friends (who have been my friends since grade 9) do make fun of the sub-culture once in a while, and sometimes very subtly.

That does bother me at times, but they are still my friends and so I just laugh along with them. I don't see myself ditching them for some other group of friends! If there are similarities its really good, but differences just make the whole group more interesting.

biohazard · 10-27-2007, 02:05 PM

I think that labels do not matter when it comes to close friends. I recently changed my group of friends because, to begin with, I never had a group of friends. We were not very close to each other, and did not talk much about our personal things. In my new group of friends, however, I tend to discuss these things much more frequently, and I feel that I am starting to fit in, even though we listen to different music. They are also all younger than me, and most are females.

GirlsNotMe · 10-27-2007, 02:14 PM

Labels SHOULDN'T matter when it comes to friends. Sometimes, however, they still do.

Personally, I still consider myself gothic, but most of my friends these days are not. After all, finding fellow goths after high school in South Carolina is NOT an easy endeavor.

It's all going to be a matter of tolerance both ways...if you are too wrapped up in being 'goth' in all ways you THINK it appropriate, then yeah, you'll probably lose touch. Likewise, if they feel that your clothes and musical tastes are too extreme for them to keep up with despite your personality and past friendship, there goes that one too.

You should talk it out with your friend and really dig into the question.

Utael · 10-27-2007, 02:16 PM

I feel very lucky right now because when I showed them that i was gothic they completely loved me for it they told me that they would rather have me be myself than be a show for people and that they would never leave my side. So one of the things I've seen is that really if you have good friends who like you for who you are and not because of how you look then youll be friends with them the others that care what you look like will go away and its for the better, trust me a friend who tells you what to wear is a friend who doesnt care... omg i sound like a mindless human being who has watched too much tv. but really it shouldnt matter what you wear to your friends.

DarkGentleman · 10-27-2007, 10:41 PM

Been there, done that many times. I had friends that hung out with me until they got better jobs or dated/married a "normie", then they pretty much changed themselves and didn't associate with me afterwards.
It is still kinda hard to find a true friend(s) that would stay within the friendship whether they are goth or not. Friendship does mean alot to most people, especially myself, that way everyone could have fun in life and never feel alone.

There was a time when I got dumped from a relationship and all of my "so-called" friends would hang out with the ex gf instead of meafterwards. I got told this: "It's nothing personal", oh BULLSHIT, friendship is a personal thing in people's lives. Then I asked them, "What is the meaning of friendship? huh?", they gave me no answer so I figure they are sooooo far from the true meaning of it all. shame on them. It was like I not only got dumped by one person, but 12 of them all at the same time and it hurt big time.

BLEED REBELION!!! · 10-28-2007, 04:49 PM

I never had alot of friends anyways.... I had peopel who I sat with at lunch but I wouldnt call them friends..... My old bestfriend has driffted off mostly because of where we live and we have nothing to talk about anymore..

Most of the friends that I have now are into alt subculture ie metal head, punks, goths, (anti lable kids), hippies,hiphoper,politicl rappers, peace protesters, violent revolutionary types etc... Most of my close friends though I've met in debate (the best place to make cool friends would be in a urban deate league) we have allot to talk about they are smart as hell and make me think... From debate I have one alt friend who doesnt fit into any particular subculture but I would call him a metal head... through him i've made allot of associates who are into the scenes...
My close friends or my core group are all weirdos in one form or another (NERDS!!!). But I dont think I just ditched my old friends because they were not goth or punk or whatever enough... We grew apart regardless. The people I hang with now are awesome I dont care what they call themselves.............. I live in a hip hop dominated area and Ive managed to find some kick ass hip hop the real good stuff under ground and old school.... I think Im well rounded I mix so mant culture together in my style and music listening etc...... My vernacular has gotten very strang because I somehow "talkblack" while having a hawaiian accent and using big words....

No one has ever stopped hanging with me because of the way I dress although my 2 cousins who im with all the time make fun of me in a nice sorta way............