Gothic Doll

[jack211]

this is a cool poem

lost child , i see those eyes of deepest blue
you are no more to those who once you loved
so lost without a hand to guide you through
your clothes tattered , your face encased in mud
you were found ( drunk ) too young , you danced tip-toed
with friends , all dressed in black , looking for some escape
you shift , so softly , from shade to shadow
believe not in karma , and not in fate
your own innocence you've come to despise
in that hard luckless woman you've become
eden in lost in those deep blue doll's eyes
passion sings sweet , but in you it's undone
the walls behind those eyes are growing tall
Deep-blue pleading for a soul to share all

[Mir]

Dude, you're on fire. This one is even better than the last one! Kudos!

[jack211]

Originally Posted by Mir

Dude, you're on fire. This one is even better than the last one! Kudos!

Thank's a lot man you are my best Friend who read and comment my poems

[HellforgedX]

Good lines, but

Originally Posted by jack211

you are no more to those who once you loved

doesn't really sit well with me. Something about the order of the words, but for the life of me I can't think of anything else that would work, either. Kudos.

[KateKat94]

I like it! You're really really good! Damn my inferior writing skills!

[jack211]

hay welcome everybody and thank's for comment

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

Originally Posted by HellforgedX

Good lines, but


doesn't really sit well with me. Something about the order of the words, but for the life of me I can't think of anything else that would work, either. Kudos.

"Whom" - the word you crave is "whom".

"those whom you once loved" would work.