Reincarnation of the poetry thread

[mindless1]

They were bewitched by the evil watching
That in the silence suffered
For evil has a face
That you must abandon



Is it a ghost at the door
Knocking over the furniture?
As the water drips, it doesn't permit
Explanation as to the culprit.



Her body feels so warm
The rain drips down her silky skin
In this sweet angelic rhythm
Speak now or hold your tongue.



I hear a shuffling at the wall
Voices never flee the darkness' call
She shudders in the night alone
The mind of a lonely one.



Follow the bloody foot-prints
Find yourself bathed in wickedness
In the old room where the doors still creak
There is a leak.



Her heart was still, as old ones feel
Was it the devil, or was this her soul?
Noises in the dark, hold on to the song
I have seen things but you'll never believe me.



Mary brings with her the knife
And at the wooden table by dawn
She prays to the harp as it tunes her life
A mournful celebration of wicked times.



Mary's poor heart feels so still
As the world spills its cold chill
But do you remember
The old weathered shrill?



The hand over the clock
Can you hear the ticking clock?
If only she could move mountains
Cast spells of the future, hope for the better.



Faded dreams and red riddled roses
She only wanted to enchant their heavenly eyes
But this is the price you pay
For riddling the song away.



Only her soul knows, the movement will go
If only she holds herself very still
In a sweet solitary surrender
She will heal them of her splendor.



It's the tide that brings the gothic child
Back to the phantom lips of an angel
Hear the little pitter patter
Hold yourself still if you are able.

[mindless1]

Would anyone give me some critical feedback?

[HumanePain]

Well written but...it seemed to me to jump around a bit. But I liked the overall murder/suicide mystery and vision.

[mindless1]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Well written but...it seemed to me to jump around a bit. But I liked the overall murder/suicide mystery and vision.

Glad you liked it. Everyone says my poetry jumps around--it's just my style.

[raggedyanne]

You ask for what is false,
I volunteer but truth,
what if the truth
is that there is but false
and that the false is but true?
___________________________________
On analyzing Poetry

There is no one thing
a poem should be
except a transfer of feeling
to you
from me

[A Simple Poet]

Here's the latest ... and by that, I mean it's about 2 months old. I feel the truant muse stirring in my bones, but I haven't written anything recently.

I'd like to know if the rhyme in this poem seems forced, so please DO opine ...



Down and out, Beat

I rambled, roved, and then I roamed
I’ve studied countless scholars’ tomes
Yet, my soul is still without a home

It’s down and out, Beat.

Venice, Paris, London, Varese,
All Enlightenment Road stops, you see
And they’ve sunk a bit too far in me

I’m down and out, Beat.

Just ask Scotty Fitz or Pound
Ask why Kerouac’s lads got around
They yearned for life’s sweet marrow, but all they found

Was down and out, Beat.

So for all of my efforts, that’s me
A trivial cog in a global machine
That’s reached the end of sanity

This world’s down and out, Beat.

Still knowledge wanes, mad culture grows
Where can the simple poet go?





A gun waits in Ketchum, Idaho




If you’re down and out, Beat.

[HumanePain]

Simple Poet, I did not think it forced at all. I thought it flowed well. But the gun part worried me. (about you)

Raggedyanne:
"On analyzing Poetry

There is no one thing
a poem should be
except a transfer of feeling
to you
from me
"

Short yet succinct! I liked it!

[mindless1]

My Lover
I kiss your lips and wipe your eyes
So special, so sweet, these tender lies
Beautiful dreamer, wake up for me now
We'll get it together somehow

You make me gasp and catch my breath
at the sight of your loveliness
Marry me in the sunshine
Will you be mine?

And in a dusky-voice I pull you in
My Sweet Eve of bitter sin
Do I dare speak of these thoughts in my head?
My bright rose of many petals red

The reason for my every emotion
Butterflies flutter in my stomach
When you're here again
Your lips, tender and sweet

The love of two held in truth
and in truth we kiss passionately
Your body and my body entwined as one
Two lovers and a silver gun

I feel the magic of the night embracing us
Hoping and blessing sending nurturing
Give in
Let me caress you
What I would do for just one kiss of your lips

If I touch you here can you feel the heat?
Just to hear one single soft spoken word escape your mouth
I am thankful to tears for you my sweet
The soul of an angel, I hold in my heart

And the softness of your hair
I long for you
Meeting as one
Stroke me
While you slumber, dream of me

Softly kissing my lips
You're so beautiful
I look upon the garden outside my window and sigh
You comfort me in stormy times

Back arched and filled with ache
Don't you see, life disappears?
Moans of sweet release
Protect me from all the fears

Standing in the wings of my life
I am thrilled
By your warm soft smile and firm embrace

[A Simple Poet]

HP wrote:

But the gun part worried me. (about you)

I'm glad to see you are up on your Hemingway history, and that you enjoyed the poem. But your touching concern is unnecessary, I felt like that over a month ago. Now that I'm giving faith in God another chance to quote Dolores O'Riordan "I'm not so suicidal after all".

That got me thinking, though, to maybe start writing more poems where the narrator is not me, not unlike Robert Browning did.

[emeraldlonewoulf]

A Simple Poet - good to see you back around! I liked your latest addition, I can remember times I've felt like that, kind of a blase plus boredom, worn out, there's-nothing-worth-effort-left-in-life feeling. You should get that one published.

[Darklust]

There walks a being in shadow, one who stirs yet does not wane
Defiling the void of time, it invokes deceit and pain
It is but doom and ignorance, the product of mankind
Personified destruction, existing in his mind.

It wallows in sorrow and anger, promoting war and hate
Instilling in the ignorant, ideals of darkened fate
Thus prevailing is it's misson, the ever-long crusade
Anarchic in existance, supported yet unpaid.

"Apathetic indeed is mankind complete, o massive, unmovable clot,
To allow lack of wisdom, insubordination is acted through sin and the lot,
Quite tranquil is thou, to sit and to tell of the law, upheld in thou throne,
Yet hypocrite real, thou cares't not, for the race thou condem is thy own".

Indeed are the just, valiant and prude, of highbourne and purest descent
But even the good, the wicked and dark, are fooled and conformity bent
Thus alignment is not, for ignorance swift, reclaims them as one in the same;
The sepulcher of mankind lies not in the earth, rather in the mind of the lame.

© Darklust 2008

This poem I call 'Ignorance' as it seems a fitting title
Feedback would be appreciated.
(Do excuse the uneven meter, I am rather upset about it)

[knightmare]

Darklust, I can feel the dark mood you're trying to convey. Although the poem I wrote is probably the antithesis to yours, I think your poem sounds too unnatural. Maybe you could use normal wording instead of phrases like "tranquil is thou." I think it would sound better.

Fall

I can see the vapor of my breath slowly disappear

As I mutter about the chilly weather in the park.

The bright, yellow sun in the cloudless, turquoise sky

Appears to be just a decoration as I hug my scarf a little harder.


The trees start to surrender their last leaves

As showers of red and yellow leaves fall

To join their wrinkled, brown companions.

Soon the leaves will vanish under a blanket of snow,

And new plants will emerge from their remains in the Spring.


After a couple more footsteps,

I see a man with a tranquil expression on his wrinkled face

Sitting on an old wooden bench.

A few minutes later,

A small blonde girl hugs

And then joins him.


Hours later, the sun colors the sky with a vibrant orange

As it descends in the final minutes of the day.

[Arkayem]

I give a shot at it...

Dies Irae

I've grown cold as I've grown old
And I've found others that travel the same road
I've heard certain people calling me evil
Now I relate to others gathered under the same steeple
We've now come forth to forge a new nation
And there will be no one to stop our congregation
There is a dark new day that hides a bright light
And our collective efforts will make our "sins" right

We will destroy the weak and watch as they fall
And feast on their corpses as we stand tall
The walls of hypocrisy will be annihilated
And this current regime will be eradicated
We preach not of doom but of a grand rebirth
Our massive wave will control the earth
There will be nothing able to block our path
Now join our ranks or be drowned in our wrath.

I know that you’re afraid...

[A Simple Poet]

I wrote this last Friday on a bit of a dare ... but form poetry is always a dare.

William Blake’s Pet Cat

(A Villanelle)

the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight
none have the fortitude to block his way
who dares to underestimate his might?

the beasts of field will scurry at his sight
desperate to blend into the twilight gray
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight

a tiger’s eyes can still a heart with fright
white teeth stain scarlet upon captured prey
who dares to underestimate his might?

his task, the hunt, remains his sole delight
he surges when dusk mauls the waning day
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight

the splendor of this king’s stripes doesn’t quite
show regal pomp, as purple shades convey
yet who dares underestimate his might?

in the jungle’s dark, a tiger’s blood burns bright
and conjures words that William Blake might say
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight
who dares to underestimate his might?

[drewsilla]

Originally Posted by A Simple Poet

I wrote this last Friday on a bit of a dare ... but form poetry is always a dare.

William Blake’s Pet Cat

(A Villanelle)

the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight
none have the fortitude to block his way
who dares to underestimate his might?

the beasts of field will scurry at his sight
desperate to blend into the twilight gray
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight

a tiger’s eyes can still a heart with fright
white teeth stain scarlet upon captured prey
who dares to underestimate his might?

his task, the hunt, remains his sole delight
he surges when dusk mauls the waning day
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight

the splendor of this king’s stripes doesn’t quite
show regal pomp, as purple shades convey
yet who dares underestimate his might?

in the jungle’s dark, a tiger’s blood burns bright
and conjures words that William Blake might say
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight
who dares to underestimate his might?

An ok effort, but I wish you had went a different way. The lines seems almost rushed, and I just didn't like the rhyming scheme.

[Nemhain]

Originally Posted by A Simple Poet

I wrote this last Friday on a bit of a dare ... but form poetry is always a dare.

William Blake’s Pet Cat

(A Villanelle)

the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight
none have the fortitude to block his way
who dares to underestimate his might?

the beasts of field will scurry at his sight
desperate to blend into the twilight gray
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight

a tiger’s eyes can still a heart with fright
white teeth stain scarlet upon captured prey
who dares to underestimate his might?

his task, the hunt, remains his sole delight
he surges when dusk mauls the waning day
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight

the splendor of this king’s stripes doesn’t quite
show regal pomp, as purple shades convey
yet who dares underestimate his might?

in the jungle’s dark, a tiger’s blood burns bright
and conjures words that William Blake might say
the tiger hunts … it’s such a startling sight
who dares to underestimate his might?

Dont know...well, keep writing, as long as you like what you express.

[A Simple Poet]

drewsilla wrote:

An ok effort, but I wish you had went a different way. The lines seems almost rushed, and I just didn't like the rhyming scheme

i will say, a bit in my defense, that the rhyme scheme is predestined by the structure of a villanelle. villanelles are very complex poems limited to only two phonetic rhymes. they're not easy to construct. Dylan Thomas's 'Do not go gently into that good night' is probably the best villanelle I've seen written.

[HumanePain]

Knight of Night!
Star of Stars!
From near Earth Orbit
to Planets Far!

Sculpture of Dreams
Comet's tails you weave
Titanium Angels
You make readers believe!

Grains of sand on the beach
Or galactic stardust
Ideas within reach
Reach out we all must.

Anything well advanced
Is magic you told
So Great Necromance
Wave your wand, never old!

As Orbits decay
Flesh eternal can't be
But across the sky
shooting star! Many see!

[HumanePain]

Cool clouds of purgatory
damp mist and sky
a profound mystery
From whence come I?

From nothing
comes Icarus,
all alive!
And quickly
towards nothing
then to die.

Past unseen
and Future threatened
My skin unfurls
as Flight is shortened.

Frozen vision
in cold stone eyes
reveals no Heaven
The wings
were lies.

[JCC]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Cool clouds of purgatory
damp mist and sky
a profound mystery
From whence come I?

From nothing
comes Icarus,
all alive!
And quickly
towards nothing
then to die.

Past unseen
and Future threatened
My skin unfurls
as Flight is shortened.

Frozen vision
in cold stone eyes
reveals no Heaven
The wings
were lies.

That was fantastic.

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by JCC

That was fantastic.

Thanks. I was feeling depressed. Why the fuck must I always get depressed before I can write anything half way decent? It sucks.

[Nevan]

*thinks*

Because only when a flower's delicate petals are crushed can it release its sweet fragrance?

*how's that for cheesy...*

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by Nevan

*thinks*

Because only when a flower's delicate petals are crushed can it release its sweet fragrance?

*how's that for cheesy...*

That was awesome! I never heard that before.
By the way, did you see yourself in my Gnet video, Gothic.Net V?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjXILP54AMo

[Nevan]

Haha - I heard it many years ago - spoken in a sermon I believe.

*gasp* I'm in your video?!

I can't watch youtube at work because of the firewall but I'll check it out as soon as I get to a different internet connection.

[HumanePain]

By the way JCC, you are in that video too.