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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
08-04-2008, 03:45 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Rags
There's a blue rag in the middle of the street,
covered in the flames of hate, and disrespect.
A gang war erupts in the back alleys of the city,
behind a steel mill, in the junkyard and dissipated vicinities.
Bullets fly, bodies drop, colors burned in the eyes of victims,
in the end, there is no stopping the raging machine.
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08-04-2008, 03:47 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
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This has potential. Spice it up a bit.
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08-04-2008, 03:48 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Cumbria, United Kingdom
Posts: 1,153
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Ooh, I like it.
The 'raging machine' did somewhat remind me of Rage Against the... though.
I especially liked the opening line and 'colors burned in the eyes of victims'. 
__________________
'The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.' - Salvador Dali
Pie Jesu domine..... Donna eis requiem - *thwack*
'To become truly immortal, a work of art must escape all human limits: logic and common sense will only interfere. But once these barriers are broken, it will enter the realms of childhood visions and dreams.' - Giorgio de Chirico
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08-04-2008, 09:37 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,360
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It reminded me of RATM as well. But, RATM are fucking awesome so that is a good thing.
They are playing Reading on Friday! W00T!
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08-05-2008, 11:00 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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I do believe this may be my best yet.
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08-05-2008, 11:04 AM
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#6
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Cumbria, United Kingdom
Posts: 1,153
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Mir
It reminded me of RATM as well. But, RATM are fucking awesome so that is a good thing.
They are playing Reading on Friday! W00T!
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I have nothing against them, it just jarred a little with the poem
__________________
'The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.' - Salvador Dali
Pie Jesu domine..... Donna eis requiem - *thwack*
'To become truly immortal, a work of art must escape all human limits: logic and common sense will only interfere. But once these barriers are broken, it will enter the realms of childhood visions and dreams.' - Giorgio de Chirico
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08-06-2008, 03:20 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Well, in a week, at the most, I'll have the whole thing written, and put up
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08-06-2008, 04:41 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: I though it was supposed to be warm here
Posts: 162
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i like it. i mean, i see alot of gang stuff here. alot of people get hurt. i never understood it all. i thought it was interesting you used the word 'flame' to describe a blue flag. here that would be a sign of disrespect for the blue. red flags are called flames as a put down. i would really like to see it when you're done.
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08-06-2008, 04:47 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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I have a few friends who... well, yeah... have a couple of stories about this subject, that's where I got the insperation.
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08-06-2008, 04:51 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: I though it was supposed to be warm here
Posts: 162
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doesnt it just boggle the mind to hate a color because its that color? i dont think ill ever understand it. they all seem stupid to me, but most people do anyway.
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08-06-2008, 05:02 PM
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#11
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Not really, they represent different ideals, and what went from mutual dislike, to drive bys and the likes.
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08-06-2008, 05:04 PM
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#12
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: I though it was supposed to be warm here
Posts: 162
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i guess its just the kind of 'gangsta' that are around here. alot fo these people out here just... hate. i dont understand it.
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08-06-2008, 05:09 PM
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#13
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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I try not to say nothing about it, as I don't live that life.
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08-06-2008, 06:13 PM
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#14
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Inland Empire
Posts: 277
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I thought this was going to be about how horrible cramps are.
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08-06-2008, 06:21 PM
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#15
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Do you have anything else to say about this poem? Just wondering.
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08-07-2008, 03:12 PM
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#16
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Life is hard when your living in the red,
fighting the blues, learning that a homey is dead.
To step out onto the street, means death,
if you aren't strong, you'll end up like the rest.
The graffiti on the walls scream ownership,
this is our territory, we won't take any shit.
You mess with the crimson boys, pray to god,
better yet, go to the cemetary, select a plot
Some of the boys drive up, we shake hands,
and go on to have a bit of fun with the Crabs.
Unlike my fellow bloods, crabs are inhuman,
nothing more than pussies and cretins.
There's a blue rag in the middle of the street,
covered in the flames of hate, and disrespect.
A gang war erupts in the back alleys of the city,
behind a steel mill, in the junkyard and dissipated vicinities.
To some people, it's sickening to think even about it,
but to us, it's just another day of being who we are.
Killing our blood enemies, just something we do with no regrets,
what would you do if you were in my situation, puss out, and die?
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08-07-2008, 03:20 PM
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#17
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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NO.
You should've left it, seriously, pretend that post never happened.
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08-07-2008, 03:23 PM
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#18
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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So, ignoring the previous post of mine, how was the original poem?
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08-07-2008, 03:28 PM
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#19
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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It was alright but fleshless, however I now feel that fleshlessness was a blessing.
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08-07-2008, 03:33 PM
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#20
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Fleshless? What do you mean by that?
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08-07-2008, 03:36 PM
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#21
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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It was bare, needed more to it, it was too short.
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08-07-2008, 03:39 PM
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#22
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Okay, well, thank you. Next poem, then.
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08-08-2008, 11:09 AM
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#23
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: on the Moon:P (Brussels, Belgium)
Posts: 28
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sorry but what do you mean about blue and red?????
in the main i liked the first poem more than the second and mainly because the end was better...... i think if you kept the long one but replaced the end by the original's one it would be quite nice. just leave the last paragraph shorter (2 verse), it'll be great.
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08-08-2008, 01:42 PM
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#24
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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I'm talking about the bloods and the crips.
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08-08-2008, 03:10 PM
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#25
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: on the Moon:P (Brussels, Belgium)
Posts: 28
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oh yeah i didn't knew what it meant cause there are no bloods nor crip in belgium...
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