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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 09-06-2008, 05:43 PM   #1
Duane
 
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Ha ha ha ha HAAAH!!

Let me out of this strait jacket,
you foolish, incompetent maggot.
I want to be free, release me,
so I can mock the peoples' "misery"

Yes! Let me ridicule the fools,
who think they know what pain is.
Strike their head with a strong epiphany,
so that they know that their darkness...
is a fallacy
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Old 09-06-2008, 05:51 PM   #2
gothicusmaximus
 
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What if a Dragonball Z villain wrote a rap?
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Old 09-06-2008, 05:54 PM   #3
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Hm...*ponders this* huh...
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Old 09-06-2008, 05:58 PM   #4
JCC
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus
What if a Dragonball Z villain wrote a rap?
Dude, the past month or so has just been Gothicus Month. You're in your prime dude, you're ripping this shit up.
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Old 09-06-2008, 06:05 PM   #5
Duane
 
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So, what do you people think of my poem?
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Old 09-06-2008, 06:06 PM   #6
JCC
 
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I didn't like it at all, it seemed like a big cliché.
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Old 09-06-2008, 06:08 PM   #7
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Damn it... back to the drawing board.
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Old 09-07-2008, 12:12 AM   #8
The Antichrist
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Duane
Let me out of this strait jacket,
you foolish, incompetent maggot.
I want to be free, release me,
so I can mock the peoples' "misery"

Yes! Let me ridicule the fools,
who think they know what pain is.
Strike their head with a strong epiphany,
so that they know that their darkness...
is a fallacy
Thats pretty cool.btw you sig is fucking funny
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Old 09-07-2008, 02:28 AM   #9
LilMizNitemare
 
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Your poem made me think of the Jackal from the movie Thirteen Ghosts.
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Old 09-07-2008, 02:53 AM   #10
CandyKorns
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Duane
So, what do you people think of my poem?
I think it's funny.
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Old 09-11-2008, 11:06 PM   #11
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It sounds like you tried to hard to sound crazy, used to many expected cliches, and played into saying what everyone else would say.

It can be done, and it can be done well, it's just difficult and would take a lot of editing and work.
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