X's

Gabrial Black Crow · 10-16-2008, 12:41 PM

sigh....I don't know where else to put this that she won't actually see...so I thought I might try this as I know she isn't a member...
I was dumped by my fiancee of seven months about 3 months ago....she moved away and is now preceeding to change rapidly before my eyes...
I can tell deep down in my heart that she still loves me...she has even admited so but now spends her weekend time with several stoners hanging out all weekend in hotels doing nothing but getting high on weed and recently she has taken several other larger more dangerous drugs...
to top everything off.....she has always been a rather reserved girl about her sexuality...and I have gotten rather close to her going as far as sex as you can imagine...but before me she never really did anything to sexual...
last weeked however as she has admited to me she spent the better part of seven hours with a guy at one of these parties that she really does not know all that well in thier friends room all the while she was for the most part giving herself to him...she admited that he had fingered her and went down on her several times over the course of seven hours though they did not have sex and that I beleive her about....

Ever since she has told me about this (since she is rather honest with me and tells me everything) I can't stop thinking about her with him and it hurts me to no end...
Please...I don't know what to do anymore because I love her so much and I don't want to let go of her even though she has no intention of being with me again anytime soon and with her new drug habits and flings I am not sure I even want her back....

So please...I need somekind of Input....
as honestly the only option I really can think of is to find someone to take my aggressions out on (sex)...
and see how she reacts....but unfortunetly I have no one to do so with....
I am alone....
so my situation gets worse and worse and I am tired of everyone telling me to just deal or let her go or any of that really fucking Cliche shit...

Somekind of anything would help....

Solumina · 10-16-2008, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabrial Black Crow

as honestly the only option I really can think of is to find someone to take my aggressions out on (sex)...
and see how she reacts....but unfortunetly I have no one to do so with....

Don't do that, it is dumb, childish, nothing good will come of it, and you very well may hate yourself afterwords.

You are obviously a bit obsessed with her and you need to just spend some time away from her. Get a job or volunteer so that you have something to do to take your mind off of things and so that you have an opportunity to interact with other people.

Gabrial Black Crow · 10-16-2008, 12:58 PM

Sigh.....i've tried everything like that and I live in a small town in which I know everyone =.=
there is nothing...and I mean nothing to do or places to go or anything...
thanks though....

noveleigh · 10-16-2008, 01:08 PM

There's always something to do. You can pick up photography, take some pictures of the surrounding area or whatever else strikes you as even slightly interesting. Go for walks to clear your mind. Pick up some books at the library and maybe join a discussion group, if there isn't one then create one. Go to a retirement home and spend some time with the elderly. The people in there usually don't have many family members left, and the ones left don't visit them as they should. So company would probably mean a lot to them. Pick up a hobby of some sort, even if it's model trains and airplanes. If it gets your mind off of her and gives you a life away from her, then it will do you good.

Gabrial Black Crow · 10-16-2008, 01:55 PM

Nothing like that helps me....I already said....
I am an artist and I draw all the time and I have been drawing some rather gruesom stuff lately because of this....point of fact a picture of me ripping my own head off....
The only thing I can do...the only thing I feel and need is to either melt myself into her or someone else...
I am the kind of person that can't be alone or I get driven crazy....

Solumina · 10-16-2008, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabrial Black Crow

The only thing I can do...the only thing I feel and need is to either melt myself into her or someone else...
I am the kind of person that can't be alone or I get driven crazy....

Well get over it, you are alone right now so make the best of it. While you are at it learn to actually like yourself so that you can stop being so damn codependent. It wont be a fun or easy process but you will be a better person for doing it and you will be a lot happier in the long run.

As for there being nothing to do that is bull shit. There is always something to do if you look for it.

HumanePain · 10-16-2008, 03:22 PM

Dude, you need to meet other people, ask another girl out, and stop wasting time thinking about her.

Go to concert, go our in the local wilderness and collect animal bones, get a guitar and write a few songs, get a few books and read.

Solumina and noveleigh are right, you will benefit from following her advice.

JCC · 10-16-2008, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Dude, you need to meet other people, ask another girl out, and stop wasting time thinking about her.

Stop giving advice.

Jonathan · 10-16-2008, 07:04 PM

What is wrong with the original poster meeting another girl?

Finding out that his original situation wasn't actually the Love to End All Loves, and that there are other people out there might actually be better for him than moping around.

Dwelling on that crap isn't helping him.

If the girl thinks life is better somewhere else, why try to hold her back? Why even bother about what she is feeling, or trying to get back at her? Just go Pontius Pilate on that noise and wash your hands of it.

The only advice I can offer is to not get so fixated. It's great to care about people, but when you get to the point where you feel like you can't function without them, you need to zoom out a little and regain some perspective.

noveleigh · 10-16-2008, 08:33 PM

*sigh*

There is no way that anyone can help you, if you wont first help yourself. I know this is going to sound bitchy, so here goes. I find it hard to believe that you have done anything but complain, mope, and feel sorry for yourself. It's also difficult to believe that you've given any kind of hobby or activity that will help you get your mind off of what's going on a chance. If you had you would have found something by now that helps you; and by that I don't mean portraits of your head being lopped off of your body. You just seem to refuse to even try. Other people have gone through the same or at least very similar experiences, and they've made it through. You will too if you give yourself a fighting chance and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

HumanePain · 10-16-2008, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

Stop giving advice.

Don't wanna.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-16-2008, 09:38 PM

She doesn't love you.

That was harsh, but it's true, and as soon as you realize it, you'll be better off.

Joker_in_the_Pack · 10-16-2008, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Dude, you need to meet other people and stop wasting time thinking about her.

Go to concert, go our in the local wilderness and collect animal bones, get a guitar and write a few songs, get a few books and read.

Fixed mate.

Get yer rassoodock off the molody devotchka and filly something choodessny. Something real horrorshow.

I really shouldn't read A Clockwork Orange before signing on Gnet...

noveleigh · 10-16-2008, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joker_in_the_Pack

I really shouldn't read A Clockwork Orange before signing on Gnet...

I've been wanting to read that for a long time. I love the movie, but have been told that the book is so much better. Hopefully whoever has it checked out of the library will return it soon.

Joker_in_the_Pack · 10-16-2008, 09:54 PM

It is better than the sinny, for sure.

Saya · 10-16-2008, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joker_in_the_Pack

I really shouldn't read A Clockwork Orange before signing on Gnet...

XD I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks and talks like that after reading it. Or any book with the characters speaking in a heavy dialect for that matter.

noveleigh, you should definitely read it, as good as the movie was the book was ten times better in my opinion.

TheBloodEternity · 10-16-2008, 10:20 PM

Haha, I didn't outright talk like that after reading the book but I thought that way. xD

Yeah, that book was amazing.

noveleigh · 10-16-2008, 10:23 PM

You've got me scrounging up what change I have to pay for a hold on the book at the library. It seriously seems like as soon as they get it in, someones already got it checked out again.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-16-2008, 10:47 PM

You have to pay to get a book at a library?

Tam Li Hua · 10-17-2008, 06:27 AM

I know it's hard, but you really -do- have to do something that gets your mind off of her. Sitting in your room and thinking/drawing/etc. about how depressed you are is only going to make you more depressed.

Find someone to vent to [not her, but someone who actually cares about you], and after venting go do something that has nothing to do with her at all.

noveleigh · 10-17-2008, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

You have to pay to get a book at a library?

You have to pay 50 cents to put a hold on any item. It's only worth it if it's something you REALLY want to read/watch/listen to, and only if it's constantly being checked out like A Clockwork Orange is. Fifty cents isn't much, but I'm cheap (and lack money >.>), so I don't put holds on anything that often.