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| General General questions and meet 'n greet and welcome! |
09-13-2008, 09:20 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: El Paso, Texas/ Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua
Posts: 9,203
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The America Machine
I was wondering if one of you could come up with something funny about this.
The point is to describe what would the most American machine do.
Some friends and I keep thinking of how one-up the previous thought but we haven't actually come up with something glorious yet.
I think we left at:
A machine that takes in social security checks, and gives out a coke and a hotdog stuffed inside a big mac while reciting the pledge of allegiance with the phrase "under God."
__________________
"No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world.
I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker."
-Mikhail Bakunin
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Originally Posted by George Carlin
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
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09-13-2008, 10:37 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bangkok
Posts: 1,921
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Something no american want to do it by themselves but every single one of them need it.
When they couldn't find any others doing what they need they'll come up with making machines.
Tell me if i'm wrong 
__________________
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
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09-13-2008, 11:02 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,687
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A gun that shoots hot dogs that taste like the national anthem.
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09-13-2008, 11:26 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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A cyborg that looks excactly like Sir James Marshall Hendrix, can play the National Anthem on guitar! That can make hot dogs out of awesome music.
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09-14-2008, 08:05 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
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A Hummer that when the gas gauge gets low, uses GPS to navigate to the nearest oil field regardless of nationality and drills baby, drills.
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11-28-2008, 06:34 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Philadelphia area
Posts: 124
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The White House
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11-28-2008, 06:55 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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A machine that takes every issue of disagreement with the American government and repackages it as an Al Qaeda plot.
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11-28-2008, 07:46 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,835
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A Republican stripperbot which dances and inundates you with conservative talking points while dispensing double quarter pounders (with cheese), beer, and marijuana, the last item it will then arrest you for.
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11-28-2008, 08:10 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Grotto Del Morte
Posts: 1,012
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A programmed robotic news anchor that interrupts any channel broadcasting material content deemed subversive by the FCC with the latest celebrity sex scandal; Describing it as BREAKING NEWS! Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
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11-28-2008, 08:24 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 227
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian
I was wondering if one of you could come up with something funny about this.
The point is to describe what would the most American machine do.
Some friends and I keep thinking of how one-up the previous thought but we haven't actually come up with something glorious yet.
I think we left at:
A machine that takes in social security checks, and gives out a coke and a hotdog stuffed inside a big mac while reciting the pledge of allegiance with the phrase "under God."
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This one gave me a chuckle, as did a few others. Still I think the robot should somehow be able to produce fecal matter which it cleans up with copies of the U.S. Constitution.
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Originally Posted by Eclipsing the Son
A programmed robotic news anchor that interrupts any channel broadcasting material content deemed subversive by the FCC with the latest celebrity sex scandal; Describing it as BREAKING NEWS! Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
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Ah..but we don't have Carl's JR on the east coast. Which is a good thing, cause if we did I'd be a fatass.
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11-30-2008, 09:07 AM
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#11
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Sugar Hill
Posts: 3,887
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A giant screen that shows nothing but movies where cowboys beat up on brown people.
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11-30-2008, 09:32 AM
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#12
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Between Fascination and Fear
Posts: 1,116
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A giant screen full of static, punctuated with subliminal advertising for joining the Navy. It's impossible to turn off, and if you fall asleep it plants marijuana in your pockets, then wakes you with a tazer and arrests you. It consumes more energy than every other machine in the wold put together. It smells faintly of MRM.
__________________
"I am a citizen of the universe!"
- Porucík Servadac, Na Komete (1970)
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11-30-2008, 09:58 AM
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#13
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Yew City
Posts: 2,413
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A button installed on your elbow that spews trite justifications of entitlement when pressed against someone standing where you want to be.
An automaton thar has a copy of "It takes a Village to Raise a Culture of Victimhood" tucked under the arm, drives an SUV but *thinks green*; that has three children it does not raise them; no primary employment or secondary education; fights for freedom in other countries while diminishing the freedom of its own inhabitants; embraces Thoreau and Paris Hilton; but will pretend to hear your woes if you buy it a frappucino made with free trade coffee beans. Something that will believe your lies and give you a makeover.
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I am The Mighty Cooch!!!!!!
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11-30-2008, 11:11 AM
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#14
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 113
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Seriously:
The Car. Our whole culture and society is built around it.
Less Seriously:
An SUV with a Starbucks, McDonalds, and Olive Garden in the back, plus equipment for petroleum extraction and refining. Plus, it automatic. Nobody has to lift a finger. And its exterior is bright, gaudy colors.
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11-30-2008, 06:44 PM
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#15
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: CA
Posts: 667
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A machine which gives everyone the same fortune ticket :
"Congratulations! You get a FREE weapon of mass destruction and a plasma tv with free cable for a year and a subscription to the PLayboy! (of course if you are not alien/comunist/homosexual)"
(why on earth do I feel like an asshole now???)
__________________
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
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11-30-2008, 08:06 PM
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#16
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Grotto Del Morte
Posts: 1,012
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A car that is both functional, and representative to the typical American's IQ.
The official American Vehicle.
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12-01-2008, 12:34 AM
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#17
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Luxembourg
Posts: 1,138
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A car that runs on dead democrats, homosexuals, illegal immigrants and other minorities. It has the turning circle of the titanic, handles like a sponge and has a burning cross on the bonnet. It has a snowplough/battering ram/bull bar on the front so you can invade other countries at a whim. It will run over minorities and burn them for fuel and it has a huge American flag on the back. Also, you get a years free supply of Big macs and a free 12 guage automatic shotgun so you can shoot people in the face by accident just like Cheney. Your Family get free Magnums and buck knives. Gun Rack is sold separately.
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12-03-2008, 07:14 AM
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#18
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 754
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by jack_the_knife
A car that runs on dead democrats, homosexuals, illegal immigrants and other minorities. It has the turning circle of the titanic, handles like a sponge and has a burning cross on the bonnet. It has a snowplough/battering ram/bull bar on the front so you can invade other countries at a whim. It will run over minorities and burn them for fuel and it has a huge American flag on the back. Also, you get a years free supply of Big macs and a free 12 guage automatic shotgun so you can shoot people in the face by accident just like Cheney. Your Family get free Magnums and buck knives. Gun Rack is sold separately.
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LMAO. Can I get it in a hybrid tho? I'm worried about the environment.
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12-03-2008, 07:20 AM
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#19
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 690
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by $haDe
Something no american want to do it by themselves but every single one of them need it.
When they couldn't find any others doing what they need they'll come up with making machines.
Tell me if i'm wrong |
Not only wrong, but what the fuck are you trying to say?
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