When did you lose your Virginity? - Page 5

~Nix Nightingale~ · 12-19-2005, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Santarea

You didn't do a girl your first time? You are Sooooo not goth.

Just kidding.

My actual first was nonconsensual. I don't count it as my belief is that virginity is what you choose to give, not what someone takes away. I was a lesbian long before I decided to choose to try a boy.

No worries about the weirdness. Something is weird to everyone.

My first was the same, Someone my mom shouldn't have trusted to look after my brothers and I. She never believed me when I told her about it either.

I was my Fiance's first. He waited 22 years, and decided I was the one. I think that is so romantic!
<3

Wise Child · 12-19-2005, 10:04 AM

That's a really healthy attitude San - personally I've never been forced upon, so I'm not trying to tell people how they should react ... but I see no reason for women to feel "violated", when they've done nothing wrong. It kind of implies you've been defiled, which you haven't. Points for your outlook, which allows you to condemn the asshole without letting it (doesn't deserve a personal pronoun) taint the whole sexual experience for you.

And Nix - I'm so sorry that happened to you. As if the experience itself wasn't enough, without having your word doubted.

edible_eye · 12-19-2005, 05:45 PM

http://www.gagirl.com/cards/cards/hug11.gif

no one should have to suffer what you did.

AlKilyu · 12-19-2005, 06:35 PM

I am one man Santarea, and obviously not to blame, but I apologize for what was done to you none the less.

You didn't deserve it, and having the courage to tell the world is incredibly brave and will no doubt help someone else who might be silently suffering. I just wish you didn't have that to tell nor do I wish that anyone out there could relate, but alas this is a sick world sometimes.

And I think you fonged the living piss out of wise, sorry wise.

Wise Child · 12-19-2005, 09:08 PM

Well, I didn't mean to sound like I was trivialising what happened to you, San. And I'm certainly not trying say that feeling violated is a sign of weakness. I just meant that in theory, when you've done nothing wrong, there's no reason why you should be made to feel "soiled". Proving your point about the frquency, my best friend was ***** - she wasn't a virgin, but it still damn well shouldn't have happened - and all I remember afterwards is her talking about feeling dirty, and I just remember thinking "it's the scum that did this to you that should feel like a piece of dirt, not you." That's what I meant, and also it's great if you can move on without letting it sully sex for you forever. My friend hasn't been able to trust anyone enough to even go on a date since - and this was four years ago, when we were seventeen.

Blushing Heliophobe · 12-20-2005, 02:02 AM

I think the worst thing about being forced/violated/drugged/taken advantage of is being told that you asked for it, or someone telling you that 'he' probably didn't get the hint and you should've tried harder to stop it.

I also love it when you're told that you should get over your bitterness, or that you'll never find happiness if you keep being so 'paranoid' or 'man-hating'.

Fucking a-mazing.

I've heard that it's as high as 1 in 3 women nowadays have been forced/assaulted in some sexual way, if not actually 'textbook' r*ped or molested.

Wise Child · 12-20-2005, 04:41 AM

That's what I mean. My friend was on a date when it happened, and never managed to get the guy charged because other than her word, there was no proof that it wasn't consensual - she wasn't really marked. The guy was 21 and had his own flat, and she went back for a cup of tea after the date. And when she reported it, she was actually asked by the police, "why did you go back to his flat if you weren't expecting anything to happen?" She'd known the guy on a superficial level - not well, but as an aquaintance - for a couple of months before it ahppened, and she was just stunned that a seemingly normal, okay guy could do this to her. The whole experience completely undermined her trust in people - in men, and also in the very system that was supposed to protect her and didn't.

I get innocent until proven guilty. I get the logic of not convicting someone until you can prove beyond reasonable doubt that a crime has been committed. I just wish there was some way to reconcile that principle with ensuring that these people don't get away with it.

syn · 12-20-2005, 05:23 AM

After I broke up with my ex a similar thing happened to me. He was abusive at the best of times. But I never thought he would do something like that. It took me a long time to have any kind of faith in men.

Blushing Heliophobe · 12-20-2005, 06:07 AM

Santerea - all I can say is I'm sorry. I am also acquainted with certain aspects of the situation/feelings you describe...I hurt for you, for me, for family members, for friends, and anyone who has gone through anything like this. Nothing will make it better, nothing will make us forget, nothing will make it go away. I am so sorry this happened to you.

Wise Child · 12-20-2005, 06:28 AM

[quote=SantareaAnd yet I never felt *soiled*. Physically I was broken. Mentally, even moreso for a while. Yes. I was *violated*. It happens every day. It has happened to more people that you know than you will ever find out-and they hear you say these things that you, luckily, do not understand.[/QUOTE]

I realise that not every woman feels the way I described, and I am indeed fortunate enough to have never experienced this. My only direct experience with **** comes from the friend I described, and she felt this way, which is where my view on this comes from. Of course it's limited. But she asked me for it, because it helped her - after a while - to talk about it, and obviously my views are formulated from our discussions on the situation. I wouldn't presume to say they apply to everyone - or, indeed, anyone whose own experience has been different. Many have had experiences with the matter which I cannot begin to imagine. I simply formed a view on what happened to my friend, based on what little I learned from her experience.

I don't mean to generalise, or to say that all women feel soiled. I have no idea if this is the case. Evidently, it is not, if I read your post correctly. But for my friend, who told me she felt "dirty", her own body was turned into something that not only was taken from her for a while, but that she herself looked at with disgust. I am just saying that I think it's disgusting that some animal made her feel that way, not just about him or the actual deed but about herself.

BlackWidow · 12-20-2005, 01:07 PM

Wow, all of this sadness is making me wanna cry. I have never gone through it before, but almost. I was felt up by my ex's brother in law, I told my ex and he did nothing about it. I dont know what I would do if what happened to you happened to me....I would go crazy. Once, my other ex tried to kill me, we were lieing down and he said "can I kill you?" and, jokingly, I said "yeah..sure..." He actually tried it-he put a pillow over my face and I couldnt breathe. I got up and yelled at him. He said "you told me I could" I said, Yeah, well I didnt think you were serious!" Yeah...he's a real psycho, I'm glad I broke his heart.

BloodLover · 12-27-2005, 04:58 AM

ok? alright. im a virgin! Well, I would rather hope anyone in the 8th grade would be, but i suppose u who aren`t/wheren`t have your reasons!

BloodLover · 12-27-2005, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BloodLover

ok? alright. im a virgin! Well, I would rather hope anyone in the 8th grade would be, but i suppose u who aren`t/wheren`t have your reasons!

i so apologize for this post!!!!!! - miscounted the pages so i didn`t read what happended to you! im not talking about you though! but I didn`t stop to think of things like that! That`s so terrible, no one could possibly imagine! Sorry that happend to you!!

edible_eye · 12-28-2005, 05:45 AM

BAM!

santarea slaps the noOb straight into the corner pocket.

mortalitas incomitatus · 12-28-2005, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Santarea

You feel voilated bacause you can't trust anyone, and you can't be alone either. Safety is something you read about, but it takes a while to get back. You get triggered by the way streetlight comed through venetian blinds, or when your husband touches you where you are missinf skin.

You grow, you get better, you heal. You counsel others (RAINN volunteer crisis counselor for 5 years now- yay!!!) But some things will never go away- no matter what you do. I will probably always have insomnia, always have nightmares, always have a fear of men named Chris..

BUT- I learned to love and trust again. I have the most kind husband on the face of the planet, and the rough spots get fewer and further between.

For the record, it took every ounce of self control I had not to tell you to fuck off and shut up until it happens to you. But I hope to the ends of this earth that it never happens to anyone.

the scars never heal.

i pretend, but the scars never heal.

it is internal and no one knows.

you are a better person than me santarea.

for that i love and admire you.

but my scars always remind.

Godslayer Jillian · 12-29-2005, 11:53 PM

Let it be said I lived among giants.
Let it be said I knew Santarea, and she changed my world.
No one should deserves what you have been through

, but oh, how wonderful you are still. I have never met someone like you

mortalitas incomitatus · 12-30-2005, 07:28 AM

hear hear godslayer

santerea rocks my world!

Needled · 12-30-2005, 07:58 AM

When I was younger, around 6 or 7, my uncle would 'tickle' me. Eventually it became a habit. Whenever we were alone he would pull my pants down and start to finger me, and I never said anything to anyone because I was so embarassed. I never even said anything to him, I just felt dirty. He never penetrated me though. But, about a year ago we got a letter from my grandmother (who never liked this uncle) informing us that Uncle Joe was in prison for molesting a three year old. I feel so lucky that It didn't come to that with me. It's really disgusting.. I just hope that the victim will never remember it, and it wont haunt them in the future. A 3 year old doesn't deserve to be burdened the rest of their life because of what some sick man did to them. The good thing is, they probably wont ever remember it. I know I don't remember things that happened when I was three. But anyway.. my uncle was sentenced to 3-15 years in prison. Unfortunately he only got 3. This I can NOT understand. I am not very up to speed with legal issues, and how the court systems work, but 3 years for molesting a child? That just doesn't make any sense.

Godslayer Jillian · 01-01-2006, 01:41 AM

A little too twisted for me. but just

Needled · 01-01-2006, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Santarea

"A 3 year old doesn't deserve to be burdened the rest of their life because of what some sick man did to them. "

Neither do you, hon. No one does, actually. Not even bitches I hate.

Well, look on th edelicious bright side to the short prison term. Unless Uncle gets solitary, the other inmates will know what he did. Long story short, his three years will feel like a life sentence before they are finished with him.

Funny, sittin' here watchin' the wheels go 'round and 'roung.... it all comes back into play. And, in truth, I have found that whether or not I have an active hand in it, people get what is coming to them.

Have happy karmic thoughts tonight.

Recently he was sent to a prison for the mentally ill. They said that while he was in prison he kept burning shit, and trying to burn himself with a cigarette. So they decided that they had a better place for him... My aunt (his wife) has been writing me letters and she says she is "scared he might do something stupid". I suppose she's afraid my uncle may kill himself. She writes that she loves him so much, and will always stand by his side. It's really sickening. No matter how much I love someone, if they did some shit like that, I wouldn't want to "stand by their side".

Godslayer Jillian · 01-02-2006, 09:19 PM

Oh, sry, Santarea. I meant that kind of karmic justice sounds a little too harsh for me, but it's still just

Godslayer Jillian · 01-04-2006, 01:06 AM

By the way, what's fong?

Surgeon Méchant De Sang · 01-21-2006, 10:52 PM

The guy I lost my virginity to was a real dickhead. I was twenty, and I was curious as to what sex felt like with a man, so I tried it. Needless to say that I was not impressed. Neither was he, and I'm extremely thankful for that.

My cousin, on the other hand, has a more interesting story about how she lost hers. Her older sister was had always been (and still is) a very bad influence on her. It was through her that she got her first taste of hard liquor, and her first cigarette. She had also got her first taste of semen courtesy of her sister as well.
Her older sister invited her to a party that was being held by a couple of her friends. Well, later on, her sister disappeared, and no one knew where to find her. She had also noticed that the two guys had gone missing as well. The entire party got busted when she had to call her stepdad to tell her where she was, and that she couldn't find her sister. Needless to say he showed up at the party with a big ass rifle!
He was about ready to give up and call the police and send out a search party, when he heard some rustling...
Then some moaning...
A couple of groans...
And lots of loud grunts.
All it took was one shot, and both guys ran as quickly as they could, forgetting their clothes.
And there is his young stepdaughter: sweaty, naked, with something "shiny" on her face and leg.
No one has let her live it down to this day...

swt&inc angel?? · 01-21-2006, 11:44 PM

Ok have to ask is having a guy to young to be erect ( or maybe too stupid about what he should be doing to know how to penitrate) stick it inside yet never penitrating (kinda like fingering only no hands) r;ape or molestation??

swt&inc angel?? · 01-22-2006, 12:28 PM

I never pressed charges, (never told my parents) I dont know why that is but it really dont bother me other than the fact that I still cant give oral to this day. One day when Im married or overly in love with someone I might try it after their shower but right now I just cant bring myself to do it. Other than that it basicaly never enters my mind then again thats how I survive in life by priorities.